omg.i can't believe im actually listening to a techno song now.from some super old cd my mom bought eons ago.something's wrong with me.
somehow now that the exams are over.i have more time, but i don't blog ever-so-often now. and during the exams when i was supposedly 'studying', i have less time, but i blog almost everyday.the irony of it all.< now that's what lit. does to me.

went to the njc open house today.jing and polly kept me company while gha came now and then and showed us the nj life.[thanks]it made me think.a lot.my sacrifices, how i felt.my friends.my acheivements.my life. basically my future.
if i leave crescent, i'll be sacrificing
-role as hockey captain
-role of house captain from next year onwards [ which i just confirmed with polly today]
-my long record of CCA points [19 plus my cip hours]
-crescent itself
-the baggy uniform
-my friends there.[which aren't many.i won't miss my classmates.but the rest yes.]
-crescent hockey trainings and crapping times.
-the sec 4 prom
-the ups and downsin life of a crescentian.
-the normal secondary schoo life
-the stress of the oncoming future o levels.

and then i realize why i don't want to go to njc. its more of a personal habit. i detest work.especially when i have to work hard and its troublesome.and i am afraid of the work load and stress that may come with it.and then the principal today had to mention the mission and motto.and remind us how time wasting it is. ' serve with honour' and that is to the nation.but im not exactly 100% willing to. i don't want to be some politician.neither do i want to be a scholar.the word itself freaks me as the word comes with acheivements, expectations and good results...no excellent results. but i don't want all of that. im just a coward that only enjoys the good side of life and never will want to work for it.and then comes in friends. currently most of my closest friends don't even know the me deep inside.i don't think any of them do.i am a sociopath.one that keeps to myself.with a barrier of lies around me.just to make sure i am safe.my close friends are never near me.they mostly come from my primary school.i love them.the rest are just characters that form my life.and then new characters are introduced into the world of me. a bigger barrier is built. and i am alone.

back to the present.
i can't believe i left my gloves at the delta gym and not realize it till now.[i went on wednesday with natasha] i think i left it on the treadmill then i ran, and forgot about it.hope it's still at the gym and a kind soul will return it to me tmr.but th stupid gym wouldn't even pick up the phone when i called.this is reality. i never went for the tennis i was suppose to go for after i booked the court.i was alone.

went ice-skating the next day with fellow ball-whackers. i learnt to stop on ice.leaving with a few bruises and a friend that learnt somethin new.i wonder about figure skating.don't they feel the cold or are they really ice princesses?graceful and they just glide.something that i won't be doing for a long time.
wandered aimlessly after that.was too reluctant to go home.but i did eventually.and watched howl's moving castle. it was fabulous.it touched me.somehow i almost felt how sophie felt when she just cried her heart out into the rain.but as usual.i don't have tears to flow freely anytime i want them to.almost never.since ever.i think howl was hot. i guess i think of anime characters as hot and never reality guys.anime are drawn and animated to perfection.one that cannot just happen in reality.so i just fantasize.they'll never come true.and they can never hurt me.

school had to call for school.so up i came .and then films were printed and i had extra work to do, as well as impatient brats to deal with.but then maths had to occupy my concentration and make me think.the clock hands defined gravity and ticked vertical .i walked.with 4 other fellow walkers.to the incomplete vault of books that is insufficient. my eyes were strained.and wedges stuffed into my mouth as a reward.so was the hot chocolate.then a trip home on time proved worthy.for i watched quidam.

it was not awesome.just a little below expectations. if my 10 year old memory serves me right, saltimbanco just amazed me.probably due to little experiance to the world. but i can say that the atmosphere and the quality of audio and visuals were among the top. on the 'ceiling' , it portrayed the sky with clouds and a full moon at night. i definately wasn't magic, so there were suspension cable stand just above the stage that looked reliable and steady enough. the stage was rotatable so it produced a turn-table effect which was really creative.suddenly i feel deja vu. but i shall continue.it was pitch dark without any lights on.and the special effects were so good that they could even make the effect of lightning striking with thunder so realistic.the sound effects were good.and so was the sound system.it sounds as though it was played live there.or that the person was singing.but apparently not.
somehow the songs and the whole act made me think [ yes again- ] about gym.my past.how i missed the flexible days.like im missing out on something.the songs were good.the perfomances done were good. the human wheel guy gave this effect on me - somehow as though i haven't seen man or due to over-active imgaination, i missed the other gender.then came the china spinning top girls.fast, presise and accurate.as always.many had to be suspended from ropes, cloth and rings in the air too.not too interesting coz it seemed to common in circus so they got boring.there was muscleman and muslce woman.there was stand-up comedy with the audieince interaction as well.it was hilarious.but the plot/storyline of it was exactly the same , but unexpected things happen all the time.
- i dozed off.-
continueing.the only great things- the skipping ropes and how the actors were swung about a rope suspending only on one hand.the effect was great.i better finish this fast.that's about it actually.the merchandise was sellig really expensively.and i mask can cost up to 100 + although it was good.
my mom stopped by the market after that and i dozed off sitting upright in the chair! somehow i have a tendency to sleep in weird positions.

and came today.njc and did some shopping..saw a showflat for 'rivergate' as well.its was relly nice......i wigh i could stay in there.just a lil' problem.its not built yet, and i t is freaking expensive.

that's all for today's entry.i don't think even i myself can continue.ive'gotta rest too.
have a nice day.
ta.