you're like this piece of cake.
i've tried it already, and i was enjoying the cake so much because it was so good.
then, the cake is taken away from me.
placed somewhere close enough that i can still see it, smell it, but i just can't taste it anymore.

and i suffer, cause i'm addicted and i'm not getting my cake.

it hurts. it hurt really bad just now and i don't know why.
the sudden pain in my chest, i had to hide my grimace on my face by staring out the window.
i need you now. 

inspiring. 

taking the module Sociology of Food in school has been a rather eye-opening experience. i was always interested in food as a factor that moves the world, and this class has given me access into the world that we do not see as a normal "eater".

I want to change my diet, change my thinking of my eating habits, but it's gonna take awhile. but no hurry(:

go read: The Omnivore's Dilemma: the history of four meals. by Michael Pollan

in the meanwhile: watch jamie oliver's food revolution! he's definitely trying to change something.

do you see food in a different light? because i do now.

i need to channel my emotions to a more positive direction.
although similarly as unproductive as before, i believe it's nurturing back the creative side of me.
except...that it's making me want to get down and dirty back in the kitchen!

whole wheat penne and vodka tomata sauce - aprondays.blogspot.com

or this:

raspberry chocolate tart - caren blair

i'm thinking about having "Friday nights with Pam" - in the kitchen of course (:

it'll be a time i can enjoy myself in the kitchen cooking for people i love and enjoy company with. or let's just start with my family. a special time.

and then i'll start inviting people over.

and so for 10 days i didn't have that courage.
i mustered up enough to write you a note. and at least it was delivered in person.
i don't know how you're going to react, but i hope it's at least gonna hurt a little, if not, all the pain is mine to bear.
i'd expect this though: you won't do a thing about the situation, just go on ahead with your life. by yourself. because i was never there.

it's time for me to organize my life. like you said. prioritize.

to throw out the ancient trash and redundant pieces of scrap i've been holding on to.

i think we didn't work out. 

no matter how much i like you, we're just too different.

i needed the love and affection which you don't seem to give.

perhaps it was because we only had each other then. the familiar past to share our experiences with.

ever since we came back from there, you changed. or rather, you went back to what you were before. 

i had expectations, hopes, and ideas for us together, but now, there's only disappointment.

i liked you. i really did; whole-heartedly.
the time and emotions i spent on you seems for nothing.

you didn't make me feel like i was yours.

i gave myself to you too easily. 

you made the first move, i surrendered readily.

when the time comes for us to have this conversation, i pray that i'll have the courage to go through with it, because i know that my heart will break a little.

i wish i could tell you this.
i hate you. for making me think of you all the time, just by doing nothing.
i expected more from you. like what we had before. but it feels like everything is gone.
am i still special to you?
different country, different feelings?
i think we're better off as what we were before new york. friends. friends with benefits.
because i need love. and you aren't giving me that.
i hardly ever spend anytime with you. although i do see you almost everyday.
when i'm in sight of you, my heart skips a beat. does yours? please tell me it does.
because i don't want to waste my love on you anymore.