book genres

"Romance" genre books are just a nicer name for Literary Porn.


Read: Fifty Shades trilogy by E L James

sums up the start of my summer.

26 April 2012 - 26 May 2012

pamm

assholes

" The key is confidence. Assholes are usually quite confidant in their assholery. "

- Captain Jack

so funny (:

*gush*

and I saw hot mr. long haired dude again!

ending

Sometimes, ending exams can be so uneventful. the feeling of being lost, not having anything urgent to do, or a goal in mind. it's a little disorienting.

like how I feel when I'm usually super busy with commitments, having a lull period just throws me off.

summer 2012

I can't wait. 

It's distracting me so much so that I have got to let it out somewhere in attempt to get it off my mind. There's still two more papers to go (which I feel are relatively important for me to score well), but there's very little motivation to study for them now, since my motivation's being taken up by my excitement over upcoming plans for the next three weeks. Here's the plan, and ho, it's going to be packed!

Rinjani Trekking and Bali

25th May - night flight to Bali

27th May - start trekking Mt Rinjani

1st May - Bali explorations

3rd May - fly home

Melbourne

4th May - night flight

5th May - head for Grampians to join melly

6th May - drive back down to city

7th - 8th May - Great Ocean Road drive with hockers, and another side trip to Grampians

11th May - val's dance concert

13th May - Food hunt with Kaden&Jason

14th May - fly home!

it's so terribly exciting i can't wait!

love

if no one's giving you any love, give some love out yourself first.

Social Psychology - Chapter 10

When we were together, we never talked about love. I think we were almost afraid of it, because I know was then. afraid of committing, of throwing myself into a whole new relationship I didn't know would last (which I did anyway).

A textbook was the one that told me I had loved you. How pathetic am I. You shouldn't need a textbook to tell you that you are in love, no matter if it's passionate love or companionate love. One should be able to feel it, the tremendous and expendable, universal feeling of love.

But it's also the textbook that is giving me reasons to accept that it was the right choice to let you go then. That we aren't compatible, that our relationship will not last in the long run. It was the situation we created for ourselves that caused the feelings to surface. The overwhelming propinquity we had for a full year, I can only say that I'm sad that it ended together with the relationship.

Ironically, the textbook telling me all this, also belongs to you.

pre-exam rants

I think I started studying too early. Or at least I felt like it today. I'm afraid I'll finish studying days before the exam (which has never happened before, because I never finish studying before the exam), and forget all the content when it's crunch time. I've got about 9 days to my first paper. Doesn't seem like a lot of time, but, I'm getting bored of studying already! It's only Day 2 since I started my revision by the way. Fear of finishing my revision early? pfttt...what nonsense is this??

After dinner, I randomly picked out my favourite book, flipped to a random page, sat down and started reading. And reading. And reading. Over two hours flew past without me realizing it. That's the power of a good book.

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger 

twenty first.

I just came back from an old friend's 21st birthday party, and the day's proceedings got me thinking about stuff, so I've got many things going through my head right now, most of them about my future.

The question has been popping up quite frequently: "What are you studying in university? What major of Social Sciences? What do you learn in Sociology?". Sometimes, I'm at loss for words. I'd wish I'd have googled it earlier. (Wiki: Sociology is the scientific study of society. A sociologist studies human societies and social behavior.) Other times, I can describe generally, that I study almost anything and everything about people and the world, basically, fluff. As to what (jobs) I can do, almost anything not specific is about it.

And then "Which JC did I come from? NJC?". And the response I'll get are those assuming I'm a) smart, b) stereotypical hardworking mugger and c) straight A student. Expectations. That's what people have of you when they find something out about you. Expectations create stereotypes. No. Scratch that. Stereotypes create expectations, and these expectations drive the person to achieve or prove something, sometimes only reinforcing the stereotypes. The never-ending cycle.

Which brings me somewhat to my future career. I think life is too short. I don't think there'll be enough time in life for me to achieve all that I want to do, like climb the Himalayas, travel the Silk Road on bike, visit the remote villages in the world, check out the Amazon rainforests before they die out...and the list goes on. I want my job to be able to allow me to accomplish these things, something flexible, that I can do at my own time. Like writing, or photography, or blogging. But I've clearly shown no apititude for any of these creative industries. And no self-discipline to make myself complete tasks on my own. I'll procrastinate forever till the end of time and nothing will get accomplished.

So the latest project I've got running in circles around my head: a backpacker's hostel with an integrated cafe/bakery. Combining my passion for travel and baking, isn't this an ideal solution?

glasses

I broke at least 5 already over the past week i think. wine glasses, beer glasses, water glasses. whenever I try to wash them in the sink, something cracks. I have avoided washing up since then. let's hope my boss doesn't see this :)

summer plans

if I don't get an internship this summer (*crosses fingers*), I'm going to try starting a business. (*cross my heart and swear on my KitchenAid mixer*)

opening night.

This is why i love my job.

I have 3 Jagerbombs in my system, all for free. I saw my boss dead drunk and knocked out for an hour, made friends with two pretty beer ladies, networked with two customers who do F&B (and bought us drinks).

How many jobs allow you to do that (including drinking on the job?)

It may end late, but somehow it always seems worth it in the end, even though the pay isn't exactly the best.

Now, to prepare for class in the morning.

good night!

life as a waitress

Fun! I love it when C is there. She's the one who makes those 5-7 hours enjoyable. If she didn't start on the second day I was there, I don't think I'd have continued with the job. I love it when we comment about the customers right in front of them, and just have a good laugh over whatever random things it is. And yesterday, was no exception. This is what I started:

Me: " Everytime I look at that couch, I just want to jump and pounce onto it." < refers to big black sofa and my tired feet.

*C looks over to the couch*

C: "The couch, or the man?"

*I raise my eyebrows, and look over to the couch appreciatively. Hunky cutely delicious man sitting on the other couch next to it.*

Me: "I was talking about 28(the empty couch), but.......heh."

C: "So once again, the question - the MAN, or the Couch?"

*I smile, and went to attend to other customers*

:D

another dream.

It was....something I didn't expect.

I was out at some event, and fast forward, I made out with two guys on some staircase landing (not both at the same time of course). Well, the surprise was that the guy was jl, and the relationship is too complicated to even consider starting anything with him. Nonetheless, the feeling was sweet. Second guy, same social circle, but I don't remember a thing about it. I guess the shock of remembrance wore off after the first one.

mornings

In the past, this kind of timings wouldn't have been considered early to be up, nor is it an early part of the day.

Just past 8.30am a few years ago, and I would have been up for at least 2 hours by then, sitting in the classroom listening to teachers drone on. a decade ago, people would have been up and running businesses, rush hour traffic over, and breakfast places slowing down daily sales.

Now, we're expected to try to be punctual for an ungodly early 8.30am class (and let me emphasize the word TRY here), if not, it's no surprise when a few of us are late.

Which brings me to think about technology, and how it has enabled us to defy the natural workings of time. The Sun was our time guide. We woke when the Sun rose, we slept when the sun set. But now, we wake when the Sun's halfway up the sky, and we sleep, hours just before the Sun rises. And why are we doing that? Screwing our internal body clock for what, more life, more time? We can't change the number of hours there are in a day. It'll still stay at 24 until the Sun rises from the West and sets in the East.

What is happening, is that the advent of the electronics distract us till we forget the time, the lightbulb allows us to stay up and complete our never-ending work, and the increasing culture of life being entertaining only at night, when darkness prevails upon the world.

i want to ask you. but i'm scared.

climbing

I really lost you. There's no more desire. No more motivation to join the group. I'm not getting excited as I used to, being pushed on by failure and wanting to try what others couldn't do. The moves don't feel right anymore, there's no flow, no fluidity and no connection between you and me. It was like me going through with the motions, but without any heart in it. 

It's the shoulder. It's preventing me from getting deeper with you. 

It's all the admin work. It's taking the time I can have with you.

It's the abundance of choices. It's making it difficult to decide which path to head towards.

It's all excuses.

Please. Let me fall in love with you once more. 

the art of travelling.

I don't have a talent. Not in music, not in the arts, not in sports, not in generosity, and definitely not in having any unusual body parts. But I do have a passion, one that has been dominating my thoughts for the past few hours, been guiding my life the past few years, and will affect my future in the next few years. And that is - Travelling.

From Antartica to Zimbabwe, I want to travel the world, to experience everything from nature, the sights, the sounds and the people. It is such a liberating yet other-worldly feeling to know that you're a small part of something so much bigger.

I want my future to be about travelling. Getting a job that enables me to travel, or making travelling itself my job! I've considered it. I could be a travel writer. But I don't write that well, I can't even keep a consistent blog.  I could be a travelling food writer! But then again, I'm not THAT knowledgeable in cuisine, nor do I have super-sensitive tastebuds. I could be a travel show host! But I'm not photogenic for the camera. I could look for opportunities to do anything.

I want to inspire others while travelling. The creation of dreams, through the exposure of the rest of the world, that's what I want to do for other kids living in the villages, areas which most of them never leave their whole lives. With dreams, comes action and motivation, to be something bigger than they could ever imagine to be. That's the power of dreams.

I'd hope to write a book someday. or at least a blog. To share my travel stories and insights from it. Justification for all the travelling that I'm going to do.

fuck this shit like seriously.

Date A Girl Who Travels

something just resonated in me when I read the article by Aleah on Solitarywanderer.com.


"She knows she’s been to a lot of places, but she’s humbled by the fact that the world is still a big place and she’s only seen a small part of it."


"Find a girl who travels. Date her, love her, and marry her, and your world will never be the same again."

dreams

so weird. had a variety of dreams last night, ranging from school project meetings, to the beach event waikiki , car thefts, racism, SMU being a maze and climb members.

random max.

doppelganger

I really don't know how to describe this feeling. Of tiredness, like as many put it, 'the weight of the world upon my shoulders'. The whole day was pretty good, even when I attended the assembly, and turned up late for training. But it was more towards the end, my mood just took a landslide downhill. Thanks to someone for bringing up unnecessary things at the wrong time.

 I really hate to argue, and I really don't wish to argue with you, but you just make it so hard to understand others' point of views and priorities. It's not all about what you think is best.

On other terms, there's still the permeating loneliness, which the solution of over-socializing does not help remedy the problem. Perhaps, it's about the time I realized that I'm screwed for mid-terms.

Am I really having too much on my plate? The team, the cafe, school. That's about it, but just enough to suck the life out of me. Not to mention internships, smux, and crescent hockey club. I need a doppelganger. I want to climb!!! But things have changed.

the Earth.

this is extremely random. just a warning.

What if, a freak event caused the Earth to rotate in the opposite direction. From East to West, instead of from West to East?


Would time be turned back? Perhaps not. But it'll be interesting to see the sunrise at your window when it's normally the sunset. Or would the seasons change to different months of the year?

alcohol.

It's my third time in a club, and there's still alcohol coursing through my veins. But I really still don't get the point of clubbing. Some say, they are there to dance. But, you aren't dancing. You are just bopping around on the spot, gliding your shoulders up and down, left and right, bouncing on your knees, swaying side to side.

Oh wells, the adrenaline or "highness" produced by alcohol doesn't seem to do it for me. I need things like bungee jumping or skydiving to get me high.

it seems the alcohol rushes to my knees rather than to my head. perhaps that's the reason why i'm still sober after a shot and 3 full mixers.

an hour with the tellie.

Who knew an hour with the television can be so inspirational?

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2011

glee season 2. episode 22.

I cried. or more accurately, teared. the scene was rachel and Kurt singing 'Because I knew you' from the Broadway musical Wicked. oh how much I wished to be back there in NYC.

lost.

I lost it.

My passion for climbing, for organizing, for leading. 

I think its temporary. I really hope it is. The fatigue, or maybe its the never-ending administrative work that distracts me from starting on what I really want to achieve. Perhaps I should delegate more. I always forget not to just take everything on my own. 

It was so much easier to lead a team. One that trained together, ate together, played together, competed together. Rather than leading a group, whom are divided by interests, divided by skills, divided by levels, divided by schedules. I felt like there's some change from before. The group dynamics have shifted, causing people to behave differently. It's time to start blowing the bird-calling whistle.

Don't give up, because it's only the start. 

Effort.

I haven't been fighting. Fighting for what I want, or have a goal in life. Is that bad? Not to have an ultimate goal in life?I give up too easily sometimes, and I don't work hard enough.

When I was a gymnast, I knew I loved the sport, being able to unlock the potential in us, to push our bodies to the limit to achieve something wonderful. That, was a great feeling I didn't understand before. I loved being able to do tricks with my body, to be able to do things others couldn't, it empowered me, taught me things that I would never have learnt in the classroom. However, I remembered wanting to win at Nationals, but somehow I don't remember pushing myself for it. There was no inner desire, no push from within to go over my boundaries to be the best. I guess that's why I never won any Nationals. That was my only regret from my 6-year artistic gymnastics career. Because I never pushed myself hard enough, and thought I was better than others, and became complacent. Gymnastics was a difficult and demanding sport, that I can agree, and I'm glad it was a part of my life before.

Same for hockey I believe. I remembered more pushing then. More sweat, more tears, more emotions. And now, let's not get lazy and regret about climbing too. Time to get cranking. 

so thank you Payson, Kaylie, Lauren, Emily and Sasha for showing me what I didn't notice before.

once a gymnast, always a gymnast. 

gold.

Is winning gold all that matters?

Yes, if it's everything you ever wanted, everything you ever worked for, worth all the sacrifices you've ever made, and everything your loved ones wished for you. For you to achieve that dream, it's never a solo effort. So remember those who helped you along the way, and thank god that they were there for you.

Make it or Break It. ABC family. Season 2.

why am i so melancholic?
I am sick of the feeling of being alone.

cloud

let's hope this fog of confusion lifts, because I can't stand this feeling anymore.

help.