time alone

I felt lazy. and maybe it wasn't practical to join others climbing when others have already climbed for 2 hours. So I just decided to head home. It was a pretty good decision. Some alone time (in the day), which I definitely have been lacking recently. 

There's just been so much moving around, meeting people, being sociable. And coming back home just means it's time to clear emails, follow up on the progress of events, and catch some sleep to re-energize for the next day's hectic schedule. I could say it's a definite recipe for burning out. 

It's a particularly inspiring day, following a brunch with the namaste people (refers to the team i did and OCIP to nepal with last year). The leaders for the subsequent Namaste mission just came back recently, and they were sharing all the stories that happened up in the mountains those two weeks, while we compared it to our experiences a year before. It was a great time to reminiscence. And while Zehou just came back from his backpacking trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Bangkok, Zihan had just returned from India as well. It really made me want to just fly out and explore the world there and then. But with Namaste, there's always this sense of giving back. It started out after all, as a community service trip between a group of people wanting to give back to the citizens of the world. The social enterprise cafe which allowed tourists to help it's workers by teaching them english, the swiss doctor who set up a chain of free children's medical hospital and his weekly cello concerts without fail, the joy displayed by the children in Nepal when we arrived, it's a wonderous feeling of amazement. 

This is why i love them Namaste people. Giving me inspiration and motivation to aspire. 

Thanks guys.

back thoughts in motion.

13th Dec 2011, 9pm
as the night wind blows, my thoughts drift from the possibility of me suffering from depression, to how nice it'll be to not have all these responsibilities and just live life in the countryside.

I just feel so tired. So alone. Maybe it's the unacclimatised  exhaustion from climbing, or the stress from all that's going on. sometimes, I keep asking myself, why am I working so hard? for whose sake? Or am I just caught up in the system. Programmed to do everyone's bidding.




27th Dec 2011, 2.52pm
is it possible to like someone so deeply, without liking their habits, actions and personality? it's confusing me terribly. Having such strong emotions for a person whom I don't believe is the type of guy for me, as if I'm liking a person for the idea of him, and not himself. Doesn't really make sense, I know. Perhaps I needed someone to like so desperately that I projected my emotions onto a person whom I'm most familiar with?

Just give me someone who would hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

it isn't the present that hurts, but the past and it's memories that hurt us.

the christmas spirit

it's christmas eve.
time for me to get my stuff together and enjoy the remains of an approaching christmas.

more rumination.

as the night wind blows, my thoughts drift from the possibility of me suffering from depression, to how nice it'll be to not have all these responsibilities and just live life in the countryside.

I just feel so tired. So alone. Maybe it's the unacclimatised  exhaustion from climbing, or the stress from all that's going on. sometimes, I keep asking myself, why am I working so hard? for whose sake? Or am I just caught up in the system. Programmed to do everyone's bidding.


I want to be alone to think, and to wallow and cry. But I still want someone to be there for me. Conflicted.


>recorded: thoughts in motion

snippets shared.

Sometimes I share little snippets of our time together, hoping that my memories will still live on in others, rather than just mine. Perhaps it's a little like validating those few weeks, so that it doesn't fade away into nothingness. It's foolish that I'm still holding on to something of the past, something that will only bring back aching emotions.