ending

Sometimes, ending exams can be so uneventful. the feeling of being lost, not having anything urgent to do, or a goal in mind. it's a little disorienting.

like how I feel when I'm usually super busy with commitments, having a lull period just throws me off.

pre-exam rants

I think I started studying too early. Or at least I felt like it today. I'm afraid I'll finish studying days before the exam (which has never happened before, because I never finish studying before the exam), and forget all the content when it's crunch time. I've got about 9 days to my first paper. Doesn't seem like a lot of time, but, I'm getting bored of studying already! It's only Day 2 since I started my revision by the way. Fear of finishing my revision early? pfttt...what nonsense is this??

After dinner, I randomly picked out my favourite book, flipped to a random page, sat down and started reading. And reading. And reading. Over two hours flew past without me realizing it. That's the power of a good book.

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger 

back thoughts in motion.

13th Dec 2011, 9pm
as the night wind blows, my thoughts drift from the possibility of me suffering from depression, to how nice it'll be to not have all these responsibilities and just live life in the countryside.

I just feel so tired. So alone. Maybe it's the unacclimatised  exhaustion from climbing, or the stress from all that's going on. sometimes, I keep asking myself, why am I working so hard? for whose sake? Or am I just caught up in the system. Programmed to do everyone's bidding.




27th Dec 2011, 2.52pm
is it possible to like someone so deeply, without liking their habits, actions and personality? it's confusing me terribly. Having such strong emotions for a person whom I don't believe is the type of guy for me, as if I'm liking a person for the idea of him, and not himself. Doesn't really make sense, I know. Perhaps I needed someone to like so desperately that I projected my emotions onto a person whom I'm most familiar with?

Just give me someone who would hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

it isn't the present that hurts, but the past and it's memories that hurt us.

snippets shared.

Sometimes I share little snippets of our time together, hoping that my memories will still live on in others, rather than just mine. Perhaps it's a little like validating those few weeks, so that it doesn't fade away into nothingness. It's foolish that I'm still holding on to something of the past, something that will only bring back aching emotions.

Men. pfft.

I really want to be like her. My current favourite manga female lead character: Ayuzawa Mizaki from Kaichou wa Maid-sama! She has a spunky personality, starts really naive at the beginning, and has a hatred for guys. I guess that's where I relate to her, being like her : "the tiger" of the class, and is the general direction of this post.

I can't deny it. I'm terribly cynical about guys, not to the point of hatred, because yes, I still do fantasize about them, being Mr. Prince Charming and rescuing me from the daily monotonous hum-drums of life. But that's just it. Fantasy. It's hardly reality to find a perfect gentleman for yourself in this world. Hence, being too rational and logical, I still have this stereotypical image of men - Useless, aggressive bastards. It doesn't help that I just read an article about domestic violence on wives, that my dad just threw another one of his unbearable tantrums (which is why i'm trying to finish this post as fast as possible and get out of the house, even on a Sunday), and I'm FREAKING (i would like to use the word fuck, but let's be nice) PISSED OFF at one of my committee members (obviously a guy).

As I attempt to deconstruct my underlying motivations, I just hope I calm down after all this.

1. At home, I was brought up with the belief that guys are nothing more useful than to sit in front of the television, drop crumbs everywhere, and expect the woman to clean up. It doesn't help that my father throws himself into a fit of rage over minor unreasonable issues, spurting vulgarities from his mouth, threatening people with consequences that seem to matter, but we have learnt to ignore, almost on a daily basis. I have learnt to be unconcerned about it, but the truth is, I'll always feel affected by it. These tantrums affect the whole family, builds up stresses and tensions internally, making the home seem so much less hospitable. It's no wonder I feel so much more comfortable out of the house, most times leaving in the morning, returning at night, avoiding any further contact or situations that would throw my mood off. Using the social science perspective, it's through these experiences that I was socialized to think of men as aggressive, unreasonable and single-mindedly stubborn, especially when that is the first male characteristics you infer from a father figure.

2. Men have been disappointing me. Or that I could have set up too high expectations of them, that they constantly fail to live up to these expectations, hence the disappointment. But sometimes, is it just so much to ask from males to act maturely, take responsibility and be nice?

3. My previous boyfriends (if I do consider them), hasn't proved any useful in eliminating the stereotypical view I have of their species.

4. The feminist movement. Growing up in a patriarchal country, but with focus on gender equality and the many challenges that women face in society, has encouraged me to be empowered over my own gender. Empowered to carve the path of my future, without the dependence of men, that we don't need to be protected by them.

So if you think you can change my mind about males, please do look for me and prove the merits of your species otherwise. I'm just protecting a little girl from getting hurt here. 

is it so fucking hard just to come up with a list of the number of people needed to help out in an event?

FUCK ASS. 

i'd rather do it myself than wait for you to be done with it.

manga life

manga makes my life seem so dull. reading it propels you into this fantasy world, that you wish you were a part of, where miracles and magic happens. but it's precisely that: fantasy. not reality. which makes it so enjoyable that you never want to leave it.

post-paper complaints.

I've been awake for the past 4 hours, and it hasn't been nice to me so far.
Alright, that was an exaggeration. My last two hours hasn't been nice to me. And that was due to having my first finals paper of the semester. You know how much I hate studying and being tested for it.

1. My laptop refused to work in the exam room (the test was online). Thank god for prepared exam backup laptops, but WHY OH WHY did you not work then, and work only when the exam is OVER? It must have been going through a adolescent rebellion phase.

2. The test had an essay component. I really don't like writing essays (ironically, my major requires me to write many, many essays more).

3. I fell asleep during the exam. Although only for a few seconds, my brain really wasn't functioning for the first one and a half hours. I was typing without thinking anymore.

4. I really didn't care how I did for the essay anymore.

Results of a combination of grade ambivalence and sleep deprivation. And to think my aim was to pull up my GPA. I think I'll be happy with just not failing anymore.

This is probably a prelude to a series of similar upcoming posts, since there's three more papers to go, and I doubt I'll be in the inspirational mood to posts some life-changing thought.

reading literature.

Oh, the sweet feeling of being able to finish a fictional piece of literature that wasn't required of me to memorize facts after theories after explanations.
The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger.
Thank you for making my past 3 days so much more bearable, and providing me with much amusement despite the amount of studying I have to catch up on now. It just made miss New York all over again, and wish for things that would unlikely ever happen to me in the future. But dreams always serve a function. Don't give up on them.

I was sad. I almost thought I was on the verge of depression. But no, that last part is not justified (according to what I'm being taught at school).
I was tired. I knew I was breaking down. But no, I could hold it in. There was no need for the tears to come out.
I was lonely. And i still am. But no, there's no one I turn to to push it away.

I must stay strong. But for who? Who am I staying strong for? My family? Friends? My Future? Myself?

Sometimes I feel like I'm giving too much of myself away. And there's barely enough left for me. Can someone give me back a part of me?

i'm a TERRIBLE procrastinator. like, i procrastinate MADLY. wait...i should change that to..

I'm an EXPERT procrastinator.

oh how i hate myself so much for it. 

i wish this can be all about you. but no, now there are so much bigger issues on my mind than needing a guy. so why can't you just stay out of my head!

i'm actually surprised at myself for being surprised that i got the position of added responsibilities. perhaps i didn't think that much about it before, or i was hoping to just enjoy and cruise my way through climbing. but now, i've gotta think. what i want, what others want, and how i can achieve it so that everyone's happy. there's bound to be some scuffles here and there, but i'm sure enjoyable will benefit everyone.

i need a relaxer.

i need a new travelling partner. this one's too quiet. and a cynic. and boring.
it's so sad that he can climb, because that's a really big factor for travelling partners.

i'm tired. and i don't know why.
i've still got to
1) upload photos (guilin + hockey MGMs + new york)
2) research for places to go during my break
3) research for which part of US to travel
4) skype friends
5) diary entry
6) cook dinner
7) bathe

but i just want to sleep. maybe it's the "depressing new york" mood.

Ranting is apparently part of my nature. I need a place to just let out my thought, no matter how random they are. But as I am, I rarely will be able to commit myself to something for a long period of time, let alone on a regular basis. And thus, I'm back here, because I don't want to start a new page when I know i'll abandon it someday.

Today's rant is a self-reflection. On why am I'm so tired all the time.

The simplest reason being: I am too busy.

Why am I too busy? Because I take on too many things.

Why do I take on too many things? Because I am interested in these things and want to do them.

Why am I interested in so many things? Because they interest me.

.....

I think everyone who knows me, has heard about the number of commitments I have, and most likely I'm a limiting factor to the scheduling of many gatherings and meetings. I want to work, I have school, I want to play hockey, I want to continue with gymnastics(and perhaps hold on to a past that I gave up), I want to experience the world. I guess with so many commitments, it's unlikely that I'll ever commit my time fully and wholly to a certain project or commitment, which I find a saddening part of my life.

work.
The syndrome has hit me again, the one where I get bored of things really fast and want to move on to the next thing. It's been exactly a month, if i count the first day as training. I've settled down, taken on more roles, have tried new methods, but still am rushing against the clock everyday. Overtime is a lesser occurance to me now, that means I go home earlier, and lesser pay. Still, I feel obliged to work at the bakery even though well, I'm just going nowhere, it's been preventing slowing me down from doing many things I've planned to do a long time ago, and the pay is always on the edge of my mind. It's human nature to keep comparing with others, but the passion for baking has been subdued since a few days ago. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it really gets to the point where my mind is constantly on quitting thoughts, meaning that I really don't like my job anymore. My body's probably taking a beating from all the lack of sleep (almost the same as those long-lost school days), hockey and little rest time there is in between my schedule, but i'm still wishing I had more time for LIFE.

It's been a long time since I last felt like this.
Lonely. Helpless.
I can't believe I forgot about dinner tonight. Yes, there was the stupid stomachache thanks to the cold milk I drank in the afternoon, but that's still no reason to forget meeting my precious teammates right. Sigh. Just hearing them through the phone made me regret how much fun I could have with them and how much I actually miss my the team (yes, those in question reading this, that's how much I miss you guys to declare it out loud!) Coming home alone to an empty house while I knew I could have been out having fun just caused my mood to plummet a little further. Perhaps this is what it'll be like when I move out (or go overseas) and start living alone. Really lonely it is.

Helpless, because no matter how hard we wish for the situation to get better, nj hockey is in its pits. I really hate saying it out loud, but it seriously puts me in such a depressed mood just thinking about it. Thanks to my awesome job with awesome working hours, I can't go back to help them at all, if there's even anything at all I can help with to get them out of those dire straits. As a previous captain with an attachment to nj hockey for 4 years, it hurts to watch like a captain of a sinking ship. I can only pray for a miracle in hockey enrollment numbers for this year's J1s now, because only that can save the hockey future.

I really don't wish to regret my decision to take up my current job as a baker, but sometimes it's really trying to compare my passion for baking(and the current job scope is still a little off from what I really want to do) against the long hours, labour intensive, less than average pay which robs me of much of my time to pursue other things. I still want to carry on with my jap classes, need time to study for each lesson, go for hockey trainings, participate in u21 tournaments, go out with my friends till late, take driving lessons, pack my room...and the list goes on. But it's almost impossible to carry out all these with 1 and a half days of free time a week, since i'm just too tired at the end of each day to do anything else. Again, I'm not good with disappointing other people, especially when they've become such good friends of mine. It's really determination from here on.

-------------------------------------------------
I had such a weird dream last night. But due to my short-term memory, I can't recall it. I remembered it in the morning, but to retain it till now, is almost an impossible task. I just know that it was pretty intriguing.

Ah yes, now before I forget, to pen down my memories of last tuesday night [5/1/10]. The post-A levels 6C reunion gathering. Andrew, Liak aka John, Wei Hong, Christopher, Zestin, Matthew and all of WISHES turned up. Four others we were expecting didn't turn up due to various reasons, but it was interesting enough to see some people again. Dinner was at The Pit, an open air restaurant cum pub cum cafe just below 2am:dessertbar in the corner of Holland Village. Food I have to saw was good, and of pretty big portions, so it was pretty worth the price. The girls shared a full slab of Baby Back Ribs, Chish and Fips (Fish and Chips), and Hot Wings, while the guys went for the huge burgers and beers. It was mostly exchanges of stories of our lives, and pleasant conversation, but there was a little sadness 'I would say, because we all didn't want the night to end. Nikki was leaving for America the next day for who knows till when. Dessert was at the Daily scoop, the branch at Chip Bee Gardens. It was closing already, so I couldn't have my waffles, but the staff were nice enough to let us have ice cream and sit about till about 10.45pm (when its supposed to close at 10pm). After ice-cream, a few of us started leaving for home, while we had a plan to chill a little at starbucks, but that didn't happen. Dickson turned up, some others left, and then, they adjourned to Andrew's house, again. No, sadly I didn't go cause my parents were already on the way to pick me, and so I was left alone at Hollang V, and missing out all the extra catching up, thanks to work the next day again.

NIKKI I MISS YOU!!

I am afraid. Of what's to come in a little less than two months time.

I should just give up on going to a UK university. It was just an aspiration i suppose. Just another option to not stay in Singapore. [Not that I hate my home country or anything, I just want to see the world.]

It was an eventful morning today [or make that yesterday]. Ms Shawna Lim's wedding!
Congratulations Ms Lim & Mr Daniel Hew[i'm not sure if i got the name right:/ ]
A happy day it was supposed to be, but it didn't start too well with me, from outfit, to the mysterious case of the missing ez-link card, to my frustrations with public transport. But those issues aren't the focus of the post, so I shan't go into details and whine.
It seems rude of me, but somehow, I kept comparing the service to Ms Tay's wedding earlier this year. Perhaps it was  because it was the only other teacher's church wedding I've attended, and my lack of experiences in church weddings anyway. Held at Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church, it was my first time stepping into a Chinese church, and listening to the ceremony in chinese. I did feel a little out of place, with me almost effectively monolingual right now. There were translations, and I still could understand what the pastor was saying, but the weirdest thing was hearing my english-speaking econs teacher speak in dialect. No, I didn't hear her speak chinese, because, even cuter, was that the husband said his vows and spoke to the audience in chinese, while she did likewise and replied, in english. Haha. She was really pretty and demure looking in her dress, but once she started speaking, it was totally back to Ms Econs teacher as we know her; straight, direct to the point, speed-talking! haha! The few of us, her students, managed to get a picture with her after the lunch, before we left. Sigh, what a sweet day it was supposed to be.

*ranthotsunwalkinginheelswithoutezlinkcardrant*

hello! it's been a while now.
and GRADUATION NIGHT is over!!
oh yes, i've been busy busy, baking, shopping, slacking. fretting.
A little more than a week has passed since the last post, and since then, some things have changed. like, how i'm OFFICIALLY FREE FROM A LEVELS, SATs are done!, and so is grad night, and bakesale is underway!

Warning: Exteremely long, draggy post ahead. Do not read when short on time, only when you are terribly free and bored with your own life and is interested in mine, read at your own risk.

it took me this long to type this post due to me being lazy to type out an ultra long post complete with pictures, plus my typing speed has been reduced dramatically from typing inactivity. Now, to facilitate my memory bank, we shall go in chronological order, starting from

30st Nov, Monday.
With only one paper to go, the hockey girls went down to CCAB early in the morning to join the juniors' training (we were still late anyway...) george was around, so we hit around by ourselves on half the pitch, did passes, the juniors did their own drills with george. played a mini 3v3 game with the juniors, on like 1/8th the pitch? sighs. what terrible waste of pitch. SAJC had booked the pitch after us, so george couldn't drag, hence we girls went for lunch at adam food centre after.
After much delaying, I followed vinnie to school to mug for bio MCQ in the canteen while she had consult with a teacher. I did only one paper in that uh, 4-5 hours I was sitting there? Mostly attempting to sleep. Didn't even touch the hugeass SATs book i borrowed from matt's friend and dragged around (for a few days too, thinking i would open it.) Went home before the sidegate closed, feeling so underproductive. But it's just Bio MCQ right?

1st Dec, Tuesday

I decided to go down for training in school again this time, as an excuse to stay in school to mug and make up for the previous day. Since George wasn't going to be around, it was another incentive. Derek and Felix came along too, and after that hot hot training under the sun(which i got a mild sunburn from -_-), we had Cai Fan for lunch! yum. Talked in the canteen while it rained, so the guys couldn't go home, and when it did stop, I went up to the library to join the library gang to mug. It was a revelation that day - SH1s have compulsory study sessions in the library ( i believe they're basketballers). But other than library gang (H3 econs people), bio people (me and gwen), and basketballers, there weren't anyone else again. Bottomline, unproductive again. did another paper, slept, and went home early.

Met the Crescent Hookers for dinner at Spageddies (O. Central )! Had a nice dinner, nice chat with everyone at Starbucks, before I had to leave cause my parents insisted on picking me up (and then reprimanding me for going out before exams are over -_-

@ Spagheddies!

2nd Dec, Wednesday- one day to Bio MCQ paper

Ariel's sendoff! Went to the airport to say farewell to ariel who's going back to Vietnam. GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH FASHION ADVISOR! Yes, dear ariel's my personal fashion advisor and the coolest fashionista I know! I arrived late (seems to be a habit of mine now), joined the class girls at Popeye's, before helping ariel check in. There were a few problems, but all ironed out before she went in the gate. See you again next year celebrity!

 

gonna miss you ARIEL!<3

so after she left, we, the class girls, headed to T3 to sightsee a little, while I sat at coffeebean waiting for them as i tried to do Bio. Yes, i know, what a killjoy I am. Went home soon after because I couldn't keep awake. So much for Bio Preparation.

3rd Dec, Thursday - Bio Paper 3 day, day of end of A levels!

The end of A levels was nothing memorable, besides sitting at a table in the hall for an hour and 15 mins. Perhaps because we started going out and relaxing the week before, that when the paper ended, there didn't seem to be this overwhelming sense of relief that I expected to wash over me. So I went out with Vinnie only - to watch New Moon. I wouldn't say I regret watching it, because the purpose of watching a bad movie was to 1) accompany vinnie, 2) so that I don't have to read the book to find out what the hype is about. Why I found the movie bad? 1) the actor (specifically whats-his-name-who-acted-as-cedric-diggory-in-harry-potter) did not make a hot-drop-dead-gorgeous-i-must-fall-in-love-with-you vampire. 2) the plot was seriously unrealistic.I don't get the fall-in-love-to the point of madness of the female lead. 3) uh, actors were too stiff in acting, little variation in emotions and expressions. If I were to rate the movie, I'd give it ONE star- for the beautiful scenery.

I literally dragged vinnie around orchard after that, which i feel terribly guilty for, since she looked pretty tired. I was looking for shoes to match my prom dress, so we moved from Cineleisure (where we caught the movie), to Heeren, to Wisma. That took about 3 hours? It's because of my indecisiveness and terrible feet structure that I took so long (plus there were many shoe outlets with pretty but EXPENSIVE shoes), so I let her off at the MRT, while I went around Ion, then as a last resort, to Fareast Plaza. That's where I found my shoes, after 4 hours of searching. Plain, black pumps, not too uncomfortable, and flexible to wear with almost any outfit. Took a bus to Robinsons, bought my makeup, then headed home, exhausted.

shoes XD

4th Dec, Friday

Even though i was exhausted the day before, I didn't sleep till..5am. Not from insomnia, but K drama. Suen got me hooked onto the Korean drama "You're Beautiful", about a girl cross dressing as her brother in an all-male idol group. It's pretty good, and addictive. I've finished the series since then, and uh, it caused me to get distracted from stuff such as working on my prom dress and baking teresa's cupcakes.

Teresa and Anne came over for lunch, specifically Pre-Prom-Preparation. Basically trying on our dress, make-up, hair and shoes for prom. I was more busy cooking, washing the dishes and trying to hem my dress (a time-efficient alternative to making a brand new dress), think Cinderella and her two step sisters preparing for the ball. There's pictures with teresa to prove the scene. haha. Went well enough, completed teresa's cupcake order before she had to rush home. Anne stayed a little longer, and we continued watching "you're beautiful". HAHA.

teresa's order of vanilla cupcakes.

you're beautiful <3

i love Shin Woo and Jeremy <3 (2 guys on extreme left)

5th Dec, Sat. - SATs.

If you have not realized, I've only mentioned SATs once before in this post. And on this day, I took my first SAT I paper, which I only studied the night before. Haha.  I wonder how the results will turn out to be. Woke up early and headed to Starhub Centre to take it, while I knew others were heading to other centres such as St Francis for their own SATs. Coincidentally, Teoh Guan ( 2008 Lignum OGL), was taking the test in the same room as me too! haha.

Went Spotlight at PS after to buy more prom stuff, technically, only ribbons for my heels. but that took me an hour anyway -_-. Did a little grocery shopping before my brother picked me up, then headed home, and spent the rest of the afternoon to finish the K drama mentioned above.

6th Dec. Sun.
Baking Day! For gowri's order of Chocolate Cupcakes with Orange Frosting (which she totally forgot to pick up, haha!), and experimented with some muffins that just failed. Played with my newly bought gum paste to make christmas decorations for my bakesale too! That's about it really. oh, and then had to go for a relative's wedding (i believe the groom's my grandmother's brother's son, which makes him my uncle.) at Holiday Inn Atrium, a five minute walk away from my house. Walked home in my heels. haha.

gowri's cupcake order.

christmas deco!

my family, and my brother's girlfriend, minus my 2nd brother.

7th Dec,Monday - one week later, Grad night!

Morning was a URA talk I signed up for with Trudy, about the URA scholarship and tea session. Delivered cupcakes to gowri before I headed to URA centre early and met up with trudy, matt and edwin. A few more other njcians were there too, like kok wah, kung yin and shirley. Met Jia xi, a henry park gymmer who went to HCI at the talk too! It was pretty interesting, but I my mind was drifting away when it got to touring the exhibits of different places in singapore. It ended an hour later than specified, but the food was good though. Chocolate eclairs and cheesecake <3.

Rushed home right two minutes before anne came over - for Prom prep! slacked around a little, made my clutch, before I cooked lunch again, and teresa arrived. It took us about an hour and a half to prepare, before leaving to go early to the hotel room which jilly booked by cab. Grr...cab fares are seriously expensive nowadays, 13 bucks to get to raffles city from my house, which is only about 10mins away. But include heavy traffic and ERP surcharge..wallet busters the meters are. Due to the rush, me and teresa forgot jewelry, but didn't bother to go back and get them, so we went earring-less. I have to apologise to teresa for not being able to do her hair as she wanted it to, as a bun, but due to my inexperience, it fell out before prom even started ): sorry!

purse: made from "Fruity Pebbles"

Grad night..was much better than I anticipated. I had fun, watching the performances, going around taking pictures, creating memories that will hopefully, last me forever. The food wasn't too bad, but the mango sago was totally disappointing (being a dessert critic here). The MC was great, and that's what makes a great show. I even got to do the Limbo as one of the table games! Super Seniors (parody of the K band Super Juniors Sorry Sorry MV), OST (Oh Xuemin, Sheena, Trudy's band), 06IP dancers were a few of the performances that I really enjoyed. Of course, there was the Best Dressed,  and Prom King/Queen, which i felt was totally bogus, since I felt that it was more like a 'sabo' game by friends, and didn't truly reflect the titles. But it did feel good when our efforts didn't go to waste, when NORMAN LEE won MR CONGENIALITY XD "What would you want to change the most?" Reply: "My voice." haha! totally out of context.

Anne! sleepover buddy.

teresa: the camwhore who sleptover.

Mr Congeniality!

06IP01 - graduated!

Post-prom was supposedly at Helipad, on the roof of Central, but I trooped alone to Supperclub to pay a visit to Nanthini, Christie and Jo(SA hockers, who had prom on the same night) with the intention of joining my schoolmates at Helipad later. BUT, just before I left the place, Noo and Chench called me and said that they were coming over in a cab. UH? With Mohammad and Reuben too. So, apparently Helipad was boring enough they decided to join me. Mohammad had contacts that got us in (don't ask how) with the soccer guys, without having to buy the SA post-prom tickets. haha. It was pretty mild at the start when we got in, Loud Music, Not Too Crowded...and then the Dancing Started. Noo wanted to dance so much she dragged us in, and I think I lasted five minutes(pathetic ain't it), before I went out to sit. Mostly beacuse having the Smoke machine right behind me, I couldn't breathe. So my first time at a club, was spent mostly sitting around, waiting for others, observing the scene. The dancefloor got really intense as the crowd grew, and I started seeing a lot more NJ people who migrated over from Helipad. So. It was that boring eh? SA post-prom? became half NJ-post prom. I even got a few pictures taken in the SA post-prom album on facebook. haha. I left after two hours, alone, again (2am), and walked back to the room as technically, I wasn't much into the clubbing scene. No point staying. I saw girls getting so drunk they can't walk, girls vomitting, girls getting rubbed up against guys, and I got worried for a particular friend too. Conclusion is, I don't think i'll be stepping in to a club for recreational purposes anytime soon, it's just not my atmosphere to be in.

Supperclub atmosphere.dancefloor.

8-10th Dec, Tues- Today - Post-prom syndrome.
Teresa and Anne slept over at my house after prom, we reached home about 3am? and just went to sleep after a bath. it's pretty exhausting after a whole night out socialising. Morning came, and teresa woke me up to announce she was going home. Reason: for lunch. haha. anne stayed longer, so I baked her brownies as a farewell present, since I couldn't see her off at the airport the next day (yesterday = 9th). Used the time to experiment with peppermint, in brownies, but I still don't think the flavour's strong enough yet.

Yesterday I had a STB scholarship interview, hence couldn't see anne off. I think it went rather badly, with my brain not functioning well. I was stammering and blundering my way through, that the interviewer even commented "I can see you're smoking your way through this one, and the last one too. haha." ugh. I'm really bad at interviews. Really. I can't seem to think on my feet(or chair), make appropriate, coherent responses that answer the question.Hence the blundering. GRR again. Went home feeling deflated, so I slept, then baked the afternoon away, making teresa's sister's order of the same cupcakes, gingerbread men dough, and cookies. Seems like my mood affects my baking too :/ today was not much different, but lesser. SLACKED. that about describes my day. Facebooked (I seem to be on it 20 hours a day now), and well, typed out this post which took a few hours -_-

So much for making my Post-A-Levels plans, most of which I was itching to start on, but haven't. Why do they always not go according to plan?
I should sign up for driving test. Soon.

oh yes, i wanted to mention two dreams i had, but i really shouldn't elongate this post further. It was about visiting the gym at hpps on a sat morning for training, and buying sugar for my baking.haha.

The future awaits.

06IP01 class outing @ ECP -28/11/09

before it rained....

heading towards the city!

pouty ariel o'.'o

it seems never ending...

our secret garden.

the gang.

ariel + prata with sausage and mushroom

this was what i thought just now, when i was wet, cold and tired:
"I shouldn't have tries so hard. I wanted to leave my classmates with good memories after these four years together, but inevitably, it never happens how you want it to happen"
on today's 06ip01 class outing at ECP. we met, we cycled, didn't manage to get to marina barrage, it rained, we returned the bikes, we left for town. we were there for only 3 hours.

Ariel, Anne and I went shopping at Raffles City instead to find prom shoes since we didn't want to play LAN. Anne found shoes. I didn't. I sad. Ariel bought a scarf. Ariel is my shopping advisor/ fashion police. We were walking around a shopping mall in beachwear (: We had a great dinner [i had Morning Post Blueberry cereal and half a prata], and we left. good food, good company, we enjoyed ourselves.

but i'm fine now. i know i should have expected it. I just didn't want to believe.