these words are meaningless now.pissed off. frustration. disappointment.i guess i can never really unerstand myself. even this blog is kinda meaningless, except when i randomly read my archives to see how childish i was.we lost to rjc and it rings the end of the season for this year. its actually the part that i'll never get to play a tournament with this team ever again that saddens me. each and everyone in the team is special, and i can't blame myself for today's failure. i can't blame the team for not working hard either, because everyone did work hard, and i don't want to blame anyone at all.fate. its unpredictable. that's what makes it so special.

oh wells. there's still under 15 to go anyway. with crescent. (: although i don't miss it that much anymore, i guess once a crescentian, i'll just stick with it all the way through, although i felt as if i was a traitor.and i just had a brilliant idea. participating in b div next year. thing is, is it possible to play 1 against 11 players, without a goalie? cos gha's year would be too old, and there'll be no one to help me out in starting a team. what a brilliant idea pamela.

semis. lost. but happy. it was worth it.though i might say i am a little disappointed in myself. and we have that oh so nice chance to play rjc agian. i don't even want to remember the last match.
i don't know who to blame either.sajc for winning or rjc for losing.

anyway.chem paper tmr. and ih presentation. i don't even know what shit we're doing. come on pam. you're acting like poop now. its only 3 years and 7 more months to go. and you definately can survive tmr. there's da vinci code to watch. and there's funtasia. how nice.

im screwed up. please don't make me. you're doing it without even knowing.

i sound like a lunatic. don't worry. you are one.

i ask myself why im stoning here, and its less than 16 hours more before the start of my first paper. for the whole weekend i've been sitting in this same chair trying to study, but my brains and arms don't concentrate. i wonder why i don't even feel the pressure of assessment week starting.thing is, why don't i even take education seriously? is it that i don't find it important. quite possible. i mean if i aspire to be some business woman or entrepenuer, i don't need trigonometry, quadratic equations, polynomials, heat capacity, the history of science on how things work. i mean not everyone aspires to be a mathematician or nobel prize winning scientist. 90% of these information we learn from 12 years of education will be forgotten in the future. the school teach us to be wholesome people, but we would excel in one area or another, not everything. so why not concentrate on those areas we excel in? instead of teaching us things we won't be interested in, wasting money.why not save it to build orphanages and help reduce poverty with all this money that you are wasting on students not interested in education.

this so looks like a red herring informal fallacy. and my longest post in two months. but really, i'd rather play hockey for the rest of my next 20 years, and set up some business in between as well. but my interest for hockey will never go all the way through because of distractions like school and university [ which my parents bent on getting me into , which i don't even know if i want to]
like what's wrong with working for 2 years after jc before getting into a university? what's the difference even if i don't get into university straight away.

by the way, njc hockey girls have gotten into the nationals a division semifinals.which is on the third day of my assessment week. wouldn't it be great if i could play to my full potential without having to worry about taking my 'atoms to matter' [like what kind of name is this for a module? i'd rather term it as chemistry] paper. why can't they have classes that teach ' 100 ways to win a mahjong game' instead?

observed a pattern here? every new paragraph i start is because i finished digressing. my concentration span is the same here.look at how fast i digress = amount of time for me to get distracted while studying.

have a jolly well ass week pamela.

i realize i keep blaming njc for taking away my social life/ my time or whatever when people ask me why i take so long to blog.come to think of it..not really. but its still partly the blame for the lesser posts. mostly i slack off...using up my free time to stone and be bored.thus not doing anything.and being a fallacy i blame the school.

and my brother fractured his wrist during grading today.why am i not worried for him?ask my self conscience.or that i still am void of emotions on my outer self.

i need the beach and the darkened peace.