ending

Sometimes, ending exams can be so uneventful. the feeling of being lost, not having anything urgent to do, or a goal in mind. it's a little disorienting.

like how I feel when I'm usually super busy with commitments, having a lull period just throws me off.

pre-exam rants

I think I started studying too early. Or at least I felt like it today. I'm afraid I'll finish studying days before the exam (which has never happened before, because I never finish studying before the exam), and forget all the content when it's crunch time. I've got about 9 days to my first paper. Doesn't seem like a lot of time, but, I'm getting bored of studying already! It's only Day 2 since I started my revision by the way. Fear of finishing my revision early? pfttt...what nonsense is this??

After dinner, I randomly picked out my favourite book, flipped to a random page, sat down and started reading. And reading. And reading. Over two hours flew past without me realizing it. That's the power of a good book.

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger 

twenty first.

I just came back from an old friend's 21st birthday party, and the day's proceedings got me thinking about stuff, so I've got many things going through my head right now, most of them about my future.

The question has been popping up quite frequently: "What are you studying in university? What major of Social Sciences? What do you learn in Sociology?". Sometimes, I'm at loss for words. I'd wish I'd have googled it earlier. (Wiki: Sociology is the scientific study of society. A sociologist studies human societies and social behavior.) Other times, I can describe generally, that I study almost anything and everything about people and the world, basically, fluff. As to what (jobs) I can do, almost anything not specific is about it.

And then "Which JC did I come from? NJC?". And the response I'll get are those assuming I'm a) smart, b) stereotypical hardworking mugger and c) straight A student. Expectations. That's what people have of you when they find something out about you. Expectations create stereotypes. No. Scratch that. Stereotypes create expectations, and these expectations drive the person to achieve or prove something, sometimes only reinforcing the stereotypes. The never-ending cycle.

Which brings me somewhat to my future career. I think life is too short. I don't think there'll be enough time in life for me to achieve all that I want to do, like climb the Himalayas, travel the Silk Road on bike, visit the remote villages in the world, check out the Amazon rainforests before they die out...and the list goes on. I want my job to be able to allow me to accomplish these things, something flexible, that I can do at my own time. Like writing, or photography, or blogging. But I've clearly shown no apititude for any of these creative industries. And no self-discipline to make myself complete tasks on my own. I'll procrastinate forever till the end of time and nothing will get accomplished.

So the latest project I've got running in circles around my head: a backpacker's hostel with an integrated cafe/bakery. Combining my passion for travel and baking, isn't this an ideal solution?

doppelganger

I really don't know how to describe this feeling. Of tiredness, like as many put it, 'the weight of the world upon my shoulders'. The whole day was pretty good, even when I attended the assembly, and turned up late for training. But it was more towards the end, my mood just took a landslide downhill. Thanks to someone for bringing up unnecessary things at the wrong time.

 I really hate to argue, and I really don't wish to argue with you, but you just make it so hard to understand others' point of views and priorities. It's not all about what you think is best.

On other terms, there's still the permeating loneliness, which the solution of over-socializing does not help remedy the problem. Perhaps, it's about the time I realized that I'm screwed for mid-terms.

Am I really having too much on my plate? The team, the cafe, school. That's about it, but just enough to suck the life out of me. Not to mention internships, smux, and crescent hockey club. I need a doppelganger. I want to climb!!! But things have changed.

post-paper complaints.

I've been awake for the past 4 hours, and it hasn't been nice to me so far.
Alright, that was an exaggeration. My last two hours hasn't been nice to me. And that was due to having my first finals paper of the semester. You know how much I hate studying and being tested for it.

1. My laptop refused to work in the exam room (the test was online). Thank god for prepared exam backup laptops, but WHY OH WHY did you not work then, and work only when the exam is OVER? It must have been going through a adolescent rebellion phase.

2. The test had an essay component. I really don't like writing essays (ironically, my major requires me to write many, many essays more).

3. I fell asleep during the exam. Although only for a few seconds, my brain really wasn't functioning for the first one and a half hours. I was typing without thinking anymore.

4. I really didn't care how I did for the essay anymore.

Results of a combination of grade ambivalence and sleep deprivation. And to think my aim was to pull up my GPA. I think I'll be happy with just not failing anymore.

This is probably a prelude to a series of similar upcoming posts, since there's three more papers to go, and I doubt I'll be in the inspirational mood to posts some life-changing thought.

hello! it's been a while now.
and GRADUATION NIGHT is over!!
oh yes, i've been busy busy, baking, shopping, slacking. fretting.
A little more than a week has passed since the last post, and since then, some things have changed. like, how i'm OFFICIALLY FREE FROM A LEVELS, SATs are done!, and so is grad night, and bakesale is underway!

Warning: Exteremely long, draggy post ahead. Do not read when short on time, only when you are terribly free and bored with your own life and is interested in mine, read at your own risk.

it took me this long to type this post due to me being lazy to type out an ultra long post complete with pictures, plus my typing speed has been reduced dramatically from typing inactivity. Now, to facilitate my memory bank, we shall go in chronological order, starting from

30st Nov, Monday.
With only one paper to go, the hockey girls went down to CCAB early in the morning to join the juniors' training (we were still late anyway...) george was around, so we hit around by ourselves on half the pitch, did passes, the juniors did their own drills with george. played a mini 3v3 game with the juniors, on like 1/8th the pitch? sighs. what terrible waste of pitch. SAJC had booked the pitch after us, so george couldn't drag, hence we girls went for lunch at adam food centre after.
After much delaying, I followed vinnie to school to mug for bio MCQ in the canteen while she had consult with a teacher. I did only one paper in that uh, 4-5 hours I was sitting there? Mostly attempting to sleep. Didn't even touch the hugeass SATs book i borrowed from matt's friend and dragged around (for a few days too, thinking i would open it.) Went home before the sidegate closed, feeling so underproductive. But it's just Bio MCQ right?

1st Dec, Tuesday

I decided to go down for training in school again this time, as an excuse to stay in school to mug and make up for the previous day. Since George wasn't going to be around, it was another incentive. Derek and Felix came along too, and after that hot hot training under the sun(which i got a mild sunburn from -_-), we had Cai Fan for lunch! yum. Talked in the canteen while it rained, so the guys couldn't go home, and when it did stop, I went up to the library to join the library gang to mug. It was a revelation that day - SH1s have compulsory study sessions in the library ( i believe they're basketballers). But other than library gang (H3 econs people), bio people (me and gwen), and basketballers, there weren't anyone else again. Bottomline, unproductive again. did another paper, slept, and went home early.

Met the Crescent Hookers for dinner at Spageddies (O. Central )! Had a nice dinner, nice chat with everyone at Starbucks, before I had to leave cause my parents insisted on picking me up (and then reprimanding me for going out before exams are over -_-

@ Spagheddies!

2nd Dec, Wednesday- one day to Bio MCQ paper

Ariel's sendoff! Went to the airport to say farewell to ariel who's going back to Vietnam. GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH FASHION ADVISOR! Yes, dear ariel's my personal fashion advisor and the coolest fashionista I know! I arrived late (seems to be a habit of mine now), joined the class girls at Popeye's, before helping ariel check in. There were a few problems, but all ironed out before she went in the gate. See you again next year celebrity!

 

gonna miss you ARIEL!<3

so after she left, we, the class girls, headed to T3 to sightsee a little, while I sat at coffeebean waiting for them as i tried to do Bio. Yes, i know, what a killjoy I am. Went home soon after because I couldn't keep awake. So much for Bio Preparation.

3rd Dec, Thursday - Bio Paper 3 day, day of end of A levels!

The end of A levels was nothing memorable, besides sitting at a table in the hall for an hour and 15 mins. Perhaps because we started going out and relaxing the week before, that when the paper ended, there didn't seem to be this overwhelming sense of relief that I expected to wash over me. So I went out with Vinnie only - to watch New Moon. I wouldn't say I regret watching it, because the purpose of watching a bad movie was to 1) accompany vinnie, 2) so that I don't have to read the book to find out what the hype is about. Why I found the movie bad? 1) the actor (specifically whats-his-name-who-acted-as-cedric-diggory-in-harry-potter) did not make a hot-drop-dead-gorgeous-i-must-fall-in-love-with-you vampire. 2) the plot was seriously unrealistic.I don't get the fall-in-love-to the point of madness of the female lead. 3) uh, actors were too stiff in acting, little variation in emotions and expressions. If I were to rate the movie, I'd give it ONE star- for the beautiful scenery.

I literally dragged vinnie around orchard after that, which i feel terribly guilty for, since she looked pretty tired. I was looking for shoes to match my prom dress, so we moved from Cineleisure (where we caught the movie), to Heeren, to Wisma. That took about 3 hours? It's because of my indecisiveness and terrible feet structure that I took so long (plus there were many shoe outlets with pretty but EXPENSIVE shoes), so I let her off at the MRT, while I went around Ion, then as a last resort, to Fareast Plaza. That's where I found my shoes, after 4 hours of searching. Plain, black pumps, not too uncomfortable, and flexible to wear with almost any outfit. Took a bus to Robinsons, bought my makeup, then headed home, exhausted.

shoes XD

4th Dec, Friday

Even though i was exhausted the day before, I didn't sleep till..5am. Not from insomnia, but K drama. Suen got me hooked onto the Korean drama "You're Beautiful", about a girl cross dressing as her brother in an all-male idol group. It's pretty good, and addictive. I've finished the series since then, and uh, it caused me to get distracted from stuff such as working on my prom dress and baking teresa's cupcakes.

Teresa and Anne came over for lunch, specifically Pre-Prom-Preparation. Basically trying on our dress, make-up, hair and shoes for prom. I was more busy cooking, washing the dishes and trying to hem my dress (a time-efficient alternative to making a brand new dress), think Cinderella and her two step sisters preparing for the ball. There's pictures with teresa to prove the scene. haha. Went well enough, completed teresa's cupcake order before she had to rush home. Anne stayed a little longer, and we continued watching "you're beautiful". HAHA.

teresa's order of vanilla cupcakes.

you're beautiful <3

i love Shin Woo and Jeremy <3 (2 guys on extreme left)

5th Dec, Sat. - SATs.

If you have not realized, I've only mentioned SATs once before in this post. And on this day, I took my first SAT I paper, which I only studied the night before. Haha.  I wonder how the results will turn out to be. Woke up early and headed to Starhub Centre to take it, while I knew others were heading to other centres such as St Francis for their own SATs. Coincidentally, Teoh Guan ( 2008 Lignum OGL), was taking the test in the same room as me too! haha.

Went Spotlight at PS after to buy more prom stuff, technically, only ribbons for my heels. but that took me an hour anyway -_-. Did a little grocery shopping before my brother picked me up, then headed home, and spent the rest of the afternoon to finish the K drama mentioned above.

6th Dec. Sun.
Baking Day! For gowri's order of Chocolate Cupcakes with Orange Frosting (which she totally forgot to pick up, haha!), and experimented with some muffins that just failed. Played with my newly bought gum paste to make christmas decorations for my bakesale too! That's about it really. oh, and then had to go for a relative's wedding (i believe the groom's my grandmother's brother's son, which makes him my uncle.) at Holiday Inn Atrium, a five minute walk away from my house. Walked home in my heels. haha.

gowri's cupcake order.

christmas deco!

my family, and my brother's girlfriend, minus my 2nd brother.

7th Dec,Monday - one week later, Grad night!

Morning was a URA talk I signed up for with Trudy, about the URA scholarship and tea session. Delivered cupcakes to gowri before I headed to URA centre early and met up with trudy, matt and edwin. A few more other njcians were there too, like kok wah, kung yin and shirley. Met Jia xi, a henry park gymmer who went to HCI at the talk too! It was pretty interesting, but I my mind was drifting away when it got to touring the exhibits of different places in singapore. It ended an hour later than specified, but the food was good though. Chocolate eclairs and cheesecake <3.

Rushed home right two minutes before anne came over - for Prom prep! slacked around a little, made my clutch, before I cooked lunch again, and teresa arrived. It took us about an hour and a half to prepare, before leaving to go early to the hotel room which jilly booked by cab. Grr...cab fares are seriously expensive nowadays, 13 bucks to get to raffles city from my house, which is only about 10mins away. But include heavy traffic and ERP surcharge..wallet busters the meters are. Due to the rush, me and teresa forgot jewelry, but didn't bother to go back and get them, so we went earring-less. I have to apologise to teresa for not being able to do her hair as she wanted it to, as a bun, but due to my inexperience, it fell out before prom even started ): sorry!

purse: made from "Fruity Pebbles"

Grad night..was much better than I anticipated. I had fun, watching the performances, going around taking pictures, creating memories that will hopefully, last me forever. The food wasn't too bad, but the mango sago was totally disappointing (being a dessert critic here). The MC was great, and that's what makes a great show. I even got to do the Limbo as one of the table games! Super Seniors (parody of the K band Super Juniors Sorry Sorry MV), OST (Oh Xuemin, Sheena, Trudy's band), 06IP dancers were a few of the performances that I really enjoyed. Of course, there was the Best Dressed,  and Prom King/Queen, which i felt was totally bogus, since I felt that it was more like a 'sabo' game by friends, and didn't truly reflect the titles. But it did feel good when our efforts didn't go to waste, when NORMAN LEE won MR CONGENIALITY XD "What would you want to change the most?" Reply: "My voice." haha! totally out of context.

Anne! sleepover buddy.

teresa: the camwhore who sleptover.

Mr Congeniality!

06IP01 - graduated!

Post-prom was supposedly at Helipad, on the roof of Central, but I trooped alone to Supperclub to pay a visit to Nanthini, Christie and Jo(SA hockers, who had prom on the same night) with the intention of joining my schoolmates at Helipad later. BUT, just before I left the place, Noo and Chench called me and said that they were coming over in a cab. UH? With Mohammad and Reuben too. So, apparently Helipad was boring enough they decided to join me. Mohammad had contacts that got us in (don't ask how) with the soccer guys, without having to buy the SA post-prom tickets. haha. It was pretty mild at the start when we got in, Loud Music, Not Too Crowded...and then the Dancing Started. Noo wanted to dance so much she dragged us in, and I think I lasted five minutes(pathetic ain't it), before I went out to sit. Mostly beacuse having the Smoke machine right behind me, I couldn't breathe. So my first time at a club, was spent mostly sitting around, waiting for others, observing the scene. The dancefloor got really intense as the crowd grew, and I started seeing a lot more NJ people who migrated over from Helipad. So. It was that boring eh? SA post-prom? became half NJ-post prom. I even got a few pictures taken in the SA post-prom album on facebook. haha. I left after two hours, alone, again (2am), and walked back to the room as technically, I wasn't much into the clubbing scene. No point staying. I saw girls getting so drunk they can't walk, girls vomitting, girls getting rubbed up against guys, and I got worried for a particular friend too. Conclusion is, I don't think i'll be stepping in to a club for recreational purposes anytime soon, it's just not my atmosphere to be in.

Supperclub atmosphere.dancefloor.

8-10th Dec, Tues- Today - Post-prom syndrome.
Teresa and Anne slept over at my house after prom, we reached home about 3am? and just went to sleep after a bath. it's pretty exhausting after a whole night out socialising. Morning came, and teresa woke me up to announce she was going home. Reason: for lunch. haha. anne stayed longer, so I baked her brownies as a farewell present, since I couldn't see her off at the airport the next day (yesterday = 9th). Used the time to experiment with peppermint, in brownies, but I still don't think the flavour's strong enough yet.

Yesterday I had a STB scholarship interview, hence couldn't see anne off. I think it went rather badly, with my brain not functioning well. I was stammering and blundering my way through, that the interviewer even commented "I can see you're smoking your way through this one, and the last one too. haha." ugh. I'm really bad at interviews. Really. I can't seem to think on my feet(or chair), make appropriate, coherent responses that answer the question.Hence the blundering. GRR again. Went home feeling deflated, so I slept, then baked the afternoon away, making teresa's sister's order of the same cupcakes, gingerbread men dough, and cookies. Seems like my mood affects my baking too :/ today was not much different, but lesser. SLACKED. that about describes my day. Facebooked (I seem to be on it 20 hours a day now), and well, typed out this post which took a few hours -_-

So much for making my Post-A-Levels plans, most of which I was itching to start on, but haven't. Why do they always not go according to plan?
I should sign up for driving test. Soon.

oh yes, i wanted to mention two dreams i had, but i really shouldn't elongate this post further. It was about visiting the gym at hpps on a sat morning for training, and buying sugar for my baking.haha.

The future awaits.

it's not gonna be a very nice post to read today, so if you don't want to feel down, don't read it. OH WAIT. EXCEPT FOR THIS PART. THIS YOU MUST READ:
pamela is going on a vegetarian-Mondays diet! join her if you can, cut down on your carbon footprint!
inspired by the talk: Nature is Changing; Copenhagen and Beyond - What does it mean for Asia? - held by NUS LKY School of Public Policy.

now you can stop reading if you wish.




It's only been 3 days since the start of the battle. 5 down. 6 more to go. All I can say is that they all haven't left me with a good feeling at all. I feel like I'm plunging into this pool which I can never surface, and with each paper, I'm sinking deeper. Basically, I'm saying that I don't even have the confidence of passing the paper(s) alone. Not exaggerating here. Besides a serious lack of time management (technically I don't think my problem is termed time management, rather, think slow, write slow.), I also have a lack of exam skills for grouping and organizing information (need i mention a dwindling supply of confidence and positivity?) The aftermath feeling is worse than any other exam I have sat for before, including my common tests which I saw the most number of Us on my paper in my life, which does not bode well for A levels. Some people I depend on have managed to wrestle some negativity away from me, but each time I look back on the papers, a ten-tonne boulder drops deep in my belly. I really, REALLY wish that I can say 'it's finally over!' or 'that was fun!', but my humour and optimism has miraculously drained from me. I have even been hallucinating images of letter Cs [trying to be optimistic here] and worse on a pink slip of paper...daytime-nightmares I tell you!

Getting daily headaches from worrying too much [i believe is the cause] is not a good sign. Please let it end.

it hits me over weekends. where my mind just doesn't seem to function the way i want it to. and i am powerless over it. you may call it a lack of self discipline, but i do know what i have to do. my body just doesn't seem to listen to me to carry out what my mind wants me to do. all the more i'll plunge myself into romantic love stories which probably makes it worse. but hey, better to celebrate a fictional character's love then just stoning time away right.

all i know that is it started on friday. an eventful day, one which could have been much more productive if the unproductive student in me had just given in to the fact that i was past the peak of studying. it just went downhill, and let me ask you, can you get depressed from knowing that you're not studying when you really have to and have no more time to do it? well i think i have. perhaps all that pressure is building up again, and instead of giving me the motivation to study, it's pulling me further away from my goal.

i know i can never say what i really want to say here, and as the title has suggested since the start. it's been a place i rant. ranting the superficial. i type whatever that comes to mind during these episodes, perhaps to mask or distract myself from really looking at what i'm feeling. just before i started this post, i skimmed through the latest entries on member blogs on my reading list on the blogger dashboard, mostly reflections on graduation day.i've been wanting to blog happy things about friday (being the last supposed day of school and all) and the new wonderful experiences that happens when one finally feels that they're moving ahead. but i just lost that feeling to type about it, being lazy and all. I always go perhaps one day i'll find the time to type it out properly, but i know myself. that day will never come if i don't start now.

when you enter a new school, you meet lots of new people. some, you get closer to, some you just ignore just because you don't know them and there's really no need to know them. that's when it started. but three years and nine months down the road, you suddenly are making friends with people you haven't really talked to at all for the past three years and nine months. it's intriguing really. about how you know the end is coming, and you'll try to pull everything closer to you, whatever it is or whoever they are, so as to prevent the feeling of loss. i don't think i've ever felt this sociable, ever. the past month has been a routine of studying mostly, but in between, you forge ties with people whom are going through the same process. something like 'alchoholics anonymous', an example brought up during one of the GP classes. we depend on each other to pull through to the end, feeding of eeach other's energy, motivation, enthusiasm, depression, pressure...everything. oh yes, i'm off topic again.

friday. we came to school, many armed with cameras, i didn't. i armed myself with vanilla frosted cupcakes for teachers and two and a half hours of sleep. there was a 5-course buffet provided by the school, totally fried, and the school instead of leaving us with the feeling of exuberance that we're finally graduating, it was the feeling of pressure and haste- to get all our CIP and CCA records filled up. once i threw that feeling aside, there was the 06IP photo on the field, of which some got a little more sun than they should have, but through it all, it might be worth it for that picture or two that shouts 'remember those times!'. i retreated off to the library to do a little unproductive studying, and convinced myself to miss a session of frisbee cum captain's ball with a huge mass of people who could have probably lifted my spirits. Thus when i was chased out of that depressing haven, i had to wander around and flit from people to people, while waiting to enter the NJC AEP Graduation show. I must say though, kudos to the 15 eighteen(or nineteen or twenty) year old artists who produced amazing works of art. Tedious i would describe them,  something i would never have the patience to complete. after a little art appreciation, i had dinner with a group of people i never dined with before. it's a first for a lot of things for me that day. dinner was at CURRYWOK. with lynna, jing min, daniel, eugene k, eugene t, alan, alvyn, zichao, pauline and denise. funny how it was about 3 years ago that this place i had associated with my hockey senior's favourite dinner hang out, and haven't stepped into the premises at all. it's ironic that i'm only coming here to taste that delicious food only when i'm graduating, with a completely different group of people i never imagined myself with. in all, there's still many things in this world that we have yet to experience, so don't assume life and take it for granted.

saturday, DEEPAVALI! my first celebration of the festival of lights, thanks to chenchel! I must say, i haven't had the experience before mot due to my lack of indian friends ( i do have some), but rather my lack of initiative to get invited to one. it's really interesting to take part in something that is out of your own culture. the appeal of it just makes it so much more fascinating. it was to celebrate jillian's 18th too, but we (our class girls) managed to feast on great indian home-made snacks too! i'm glad that i didn't skip out on this. it was a day worth not studying for.

that's all i would conclude over my happy weekend,besides my brother coming home from NS for his first break since he went in less than two weeks ago. he didn't change at all, being that guy lying in front of his computer from dusk to dawn for the whole weekend. But with him gone, the house seems so quiet at night, me being the only child left in the house. makes not much difference if i keep staying out to study though. it's gonna be a quiet holiday once A's are over.

I realized a habit of mine in my language. when i describe events, i tend to avoid using the word 'i', although it's been used a lot in this sentence. somehow there's an aversion to it. 'we' comes out instead, when technically it's only one person's point of view, it's a little weird.perhaps it's my nature to avoid attracting attention to myself, or the need to include myself in a group, to feel like there's people around me. but it does get a little creepy, as if there's more than one of me around, a split personality more like. a two-faced person, i'm not surprised that it's more than just me though.

people who see this. don't take it to heart, try not to comment about it. i wouldn't know how to react to people who react to my rantings other than a thank you or silence.

now, that was so much longer than i anticipated. but i feel much better already :D

I was so tired both mentally and physically just an hour ago, but now, i'm feeling pretty awake.
I wonder why, all I've done in the past hour was basically sign in to MSN, and talk to various people (for once in like, two months probably?)
But I guess it's good to catch up with people now and then, which i really hope to re-establish some of my distant friendships made over the past years. It's so interesting to see how people change, and how people's views about you change.

Today was one exciting day, although there is a little apprehension that I'm behaving as if exams are just over like in my secondary/IP school days. So, after I handed in that once-again-incomplete-script and was released from the gym, I went up to the canteen to uh, finish my breakfast cum lunch. Ended up hanging around with Chenchel and Nush for awhile, before I decided then that I really didn't want to start studying Biology Applications syllabus yet, hence with Chenchel made the decision to crash our beloved Xiang Yin's house.

We stayed for about 2 hours, using the time to spontaneously bake Chocolate Molten cake, recipe gotten from joyofbaking.com through XY's iphone. It came out rather yummy despite the a little overcooked-ness, as well as the wide range of chocolate we used inside. There was Belgium Dark and Milk Chocolate, Toll's baking chocolate bars, and uh, some other milk chocolate XY ate before. Haha. But still...addictive (:

We left to watch a movie at orchard after that, meeting with the weirdest combination of people you can find in NJ going to watch a movie together. REALLY. There were like, 4 different groups of people together, let's see if you can seperate them. (some do overlap.) Samantha Mok, Avril, Xiang Yin, ChenChel, Norman, Li Qiang, Ting Zhi and I. It was my first trip inside Ion Orchard today(while waiting for physics people to be done), and the place just seems huge with me only visiting the four basements! The number and variety of shops available is just outstanding. Some, you don't even know existed, branded goods shops, Sephora.....I just feel like going another time when it's not so crowded.

The movie: The Ugly truth. Which I think the newspapers are ugly for only giving it a one-star rating. It's worth at least 3 stars! There was tons of laughing, sadness and happy endings. Leads are hot and cute, although there was quite a bit of swearing. Jokes are mostly sexual inundations, and Gerard Butler is just growing on me now...I felt that the movie was really good and worth watching, for the points of view of men and women relationships. I think I'm still suffering from the dreamy feelings I get after watching movies. Oh, and if it's a plus, i think there was a rumour that one of us cried during the movie (the breakup was pretty saddening..) Did i mention that we had front-row seats as well?

In the end, all's well ends well, but reached home without dinner ):

Ironic. That's the closest word i can think of to describe the situation today.
I was perfectly healthy on the day i couldn't do the pure math paper, and thus perfectly healthy to agonize in sorry when i lost about 70% of marks. Compared to just a few hours ago, when i was brimming with confidence to tackle statistics, i had to suffer from a combination of cramps and stomach ache, spending more time worrying about shitting in the chair rather than the math questions. With the agonizing pains coming and going for at least the first two hours of the paper, i didn't finish a paper which for once this year i thought i had a decent chance of passing well and pulling up my currently miserable overall grade for math. Well i wouldn't have finished it either even if i left the hall to relieve myself in the middle of the paper. Let's just hope all turns out well.

And my almost second blunder for the week was that, i thought tomorrow's paper was econs. In the morning. But it,s geog. In the afternoon. Imagine what would happen if i didn't have such great friends talking about whether to study for chemistry or geog tomorrow. Well, chop chop, i've gotta finish human geog by tonight.

Looks like my self-wishing good luck turned into bad luck today.

i was groaning and groveling, well, that's the closest i can describe my actions after the math paper today. on the verge of tears, my body limp.my voice became hoarse from the incoherent words i threw out from my throat. but lucky they were there to help me forget, or at least mask the torturous feeling of knowing that i'm just going to fail so badly this time. we jogged, we sprinted, we tried yelling our hearts out(as loud as we could go without seeming mad on the track) to remove any poisonous feeling pierced into my body from Math. it helped, with a little dose of hockey, physical exertion is still an effective remedy. sprinkle a little acrobatics on and i'll feel much better. just don't mention the word 'maths paper' for the next week or so to me. i think 'econs paper' and 'geog paper' are in the list of banned words too.

yesterday~
" Study day 2 in cafe pralet. A little boring, but i ordered iced chocolate again. And this time- cake is mango mambo(the name's rather cheesy), but it's quite nice although plain. Reminds me of my favourite mango pudding.

A little interesting but annoying at the same time, was the two people sitting at the table next to me. One i know, a primary school acquaintance, but we haven't acknowledged each other yet. They've been talking for a few hours now, and i've been trying to block them out, but being next to me, it's rather loud. But the topics are rather interesting(don't mean to be eavesdropping), it's uh, public 'good'. So far, i've found out the other person is a psychology student in...NUS i think. There was talk about relationships and compatibility, then universities, and career and courses. The second time i'm hearing that business degrees are a waste of money. Psychology sounds interesting, but a little limited in career choices. Working still sounds the best.haha.


Physical geog hydro processes is getting really dry, and i've got no choice as i left my gc at home-_-
It forces me to do geog i guess, no matter how much i want/need to do math instead.

Seafood baked rice. Pretty good, since it's their specialty. It has fresh salad on the side. It,s butter herbed rice with peas and carrots, mushrooms, fish and prawn, topped with a generous amount of mozzarella cheese. Yum. " - 3rd September 2009, 7.30pm

just came on to report how disastrous the paper that ended 2 hours ago was. well well, 2 hours, 3 essays. can't they just round it up and make it even? 3 hours for 3 essays sounds so much better don't you think? we even get one and a half hours for ONE GP essay!oh wells, so i did 2 essays that took me 2 hours, um, maybe 10 mins of planning, and thus five minutes for my last essay. use your own imagination to think how much i could write (and mind you under PRESSURE) in FIVE minutes.

yep. and then i came straight home to an empty house, intending to cook myself something healthy. i did, and it probably was the healthiest lunch i've had (although not the most delicious). it's uh, aglio olio- spaghetti la caprese- inspired. haha. the guy on tv...david rocco if i'm not wrong, made it look so easy. and so...

Spaghetti with
-sausages
-olive oil
-tomatoes
-broccoli
-celery
-carrots
-lettuce
-garlic
-herbs
-mozzarella
-parmesan
-salt

yep. and uh, some of it was raw. haha. i would post a picture and scare away the veggie haters, but sadly BLOGGER IS STILL SCREWED IN MY BROWSER. yep.

oh right right, and another one! a dream i mean (it's so rare nowadays.) I WAS PLAYING CS - counterstrike! AND I WAS THE PLAYER. like literally in the game, holding a gun, running around trying to avoid getting shot. and uh, somehow i really sucked at the game. (ironic since i came in champion for paintball haha!) apparently i met saket (an old gym acquaintance) and a friend of his who was in the game too..Lehait/Lemait/Hemait or some weird name like that. haha. and so, he tried to lend me his gun (because i was too poor to afford better equipment and thus had sucky guns), and another one of those bazooka missile things i talked about in one of my previous dreams. the thing was, the missile was pink -_-. but yea, i missed the shot, the missile didn't explode, but started inflating. so Saket went over, picked up the inflating missile, attached it to a pail (???!!), and put it back onto his gun. and shot the target (a car). uh..the last part didn't make any sense, but i've got a feeling the dream stems from me reading books with Virtual Reality plots.

and then this morning i saw a lady riding a red Harley Davidson with a black leather jacket! so cool :D

geog time!

i'm feeling my brain deteriorate slowly, with lesser and lesser concentration span each day.
it's two more weeks to go and don't tell me i'm already burnt out at my limit.

haute couture - grad night's theme although it's not officially announced. a little late aren't they?

i have finished another manga.
someone, stop me please.

i'm relatively happier now than i was earlier in the day. almost had another breakdown. which isn't a very comforting thought in school. the cause of it was mostly due to the stresses of school and teachers and the upcoming prelims. there's not much time left, i haven't started on revision although i WANT to. mostly because i can't finish my homework yet.really should take matt's advice : some homework just don't deserve to be done. haha. but that's the most practical thing now. if not revision will never start. however, i did cheer up when we had GP, despite the not very impressive comprehension we got back. but it's productive! GP of all subjects, but i find it more interesting than bio nowadays. learning about structures and how to answer questions properly, is encouraging, and i feel like i'm actually learning something useful!

and so on my bus ride home, many decisions were made. i was about to go to great world city and mug a little, but i took phina's advise and decided not to, since i was partially brain dead and pretty tired. and then it occured to me that today was thursday - my running day. and i didn't get to run after pe due to bio consolidation. and so i thought: i'd put my bag down at home, then go run before buying dinner home. i did that eventually, but i was contemplating on swimming too..nice cool waters.but i got lazy with limited time constraints. and as i passed by zouk area, inspiration hit me to run in another direction - down singapore river!
so i took only about 10mins to reach liang court and clarke quay, then ran about fort canning park a little, before running back. on the way back, an open-top purple hippo bus was passing by in front of me, filled with high tourists.. and so i waved! which is probably the best thing that happened all day. they started waving back, all smiles, and their enthusiasm infected me. one of them even shouted 'you can stop running!' (because i was jogging on the spot waiting for the traffic light to turn green) it was warm, hilarious, a real mood lifter. if you saw me then, there was a smile on my face. Running along the singapore river, down robertson quay, right in the middle of clarke quay (that i don't want happening again...it's a little attention grabbing...) but there were nice food smells drifting out to me from the restaurants as i ran by. mostly a tourist area with caucasians and some asians about.

came home, got a relatively healthy dinner (cai fan with two veges), took my bath and watched the new 42" LCD tv. finally relaxed. and now i'm going to sleep. the 40minute run was tiring. i'll post presents another time.

Edit: Presents i got from people
Hockey: Tea tree oil care range from The Body Shop
Anne&Ariel: 500 recipes for muffins
brother: The Wild Things
classmates: CAKE.
myself: Zara Wedges (:

pam is happy.

bought meself a present.

not everything's perfect, but one can't argue with a sale (:

my new study place:

grades update again (although i really should just leave it behind.) apparently there's moderation for bio. and so, my grades are exactly the same as last years' CTs. even all the subjects are in the right order :/ a pattern i see? let's hope the fluctuations work to my advantage.

i want!

zara wedges that were on sale...spotted at zara.

it's just been so busy...and now i'm up to my neck drowning in just homework.

well, photo post again. no time to elaborate (although i should be practicing elaboration for ALL my essays no matter what subject it is. meaning that my weakness in scoring level 1 or level 2 marks is due to lack of details and rigour in my essays, and probably lack of evaluation as well.)

Chocolate Amer by Bakerzin. chocolate mousse and cake. alright, nothing special.

Outing on Off-in-Lieu. Tuesday 21st July 2009. Supposedly study session at National Library, then Suntec-Marina Square window shopping, then Millenia Walk's Bakerzin.

Spaghetti Bolognese @ Swensons'

Ariel + some burger @ Swensons'

sheena, anne @ Swensons'

i + ariel @ Swensons'

thin people + burgers @ Swensons' (the size of the burger is improportionate to the person)

anne @ Mango.

anna overtowering pam in heels. @ zara

pam liking wedges (: @ zara

mango mousse @ bakerzin (ariel.yum...)

Newyork cheese @ bakerzin (sheena)

Tiramisu @ bakerzin (anne)

ariel promoting cake.

ariel eating cake.

ariel liking cake.

my free Warm Chocolate cake. @ bakerzin

fin. @ esplanade.

Cafe call with Christine - Wednesday, 22nd July 2009 @ Caramel & Hairloom (Shaw tower)

Creme Brulee.

Bread and Butter Pudding with Vanilla Ice Cream. YUM.

love the wall. so reminds me of the ikea cloth i bought (:

shoppe + salon.

love the interior (:

table.

Pretty sky - 24th July 2009 @ Kitchen Window

sadly my phone camera can't capture the real vivid colour. injustice to nature!

tweaked the contrast a little...closer to nature.

this is just a pretty exaggeration. blood orange sky (:

Grades update.

GP- D

Math- U

Biology- U

Economics- E (after moderation)

Geography- D

looks like my marks have yet to pass the halfway mark...

Fear has given way to dejection, if there is such a word.

Just an hour ago i was so motivated and had reason to rant about the purpose of education in junior college. But now, i've lost some inspiration already.

The trigger- my bio marks. It wasn't as bad as my math. So i was pretty prepared for the ugly marks. What enraged me was when the questions were went through.

All i can say is, what's with the questions, or the demand of excessive answers? I know singaporeans are kiasu, but if the question only asks for lets say a and b, why would you need to give a, b AND c?! They want us to answer the question, fine. We answer them. But marks aren't given completely because you didn't give the answer you're supposed to INFER from the question, or FURTHER ELABORATION. this is a science subject, not bloody gp. They give us notes to study, but the answers are not in the notes. Wow.

And now, after getting econs back, all emotions have just fled.

What's the point of studying hard when you've still got to work a lot more after getting the piece of laminated paper to get somewhere?

It took me a week to get over math and start the momentum, i wonder how long it's going to take this time. And i don't have time.

-11.38am

i must congratulate myself. on staying in the school library after school till at least 5pm to do my homework and hopefully some revision for the past 3 days in a row. and thus a bought my self a slice of cake (: ok, the reason's just an excuse for me to justifying buying a $7 slice of cake from a bakery near my house (the one i mentioned on monday, but didn't go to. thus it probably was a good thing i didn't go on monday, because now i'm buying one premium slice of cake with the same amount of money i bought one slice of cake, a bun, and five mini buns on monday. it better be worth it.) it's called Cru Royale, recommended by a food blog i've been reading. i'll upload the picture once i've ate it. hopefully with a review.

the owner of the bakery was nice, had a short chat with him while i browsed the cakes. a nice quiant little store, but no sitting area. it's a little out of place though, in that old neighbourhood, to have a higher-priced patisserie located there. perhaps it's customers will come from the residents of the condominiums a little further away. after leaving the store, i had a little walk around the neighbourhood, a place i haven't been around for years despite the proximity to my house. it was quite nostalgic, passing by the place i used to walk around with my maid, past the neighbourhood community centre i did ballet, abacus and art classes at, a quiet little town so near the big bustling city (not that singapore is that big, i'm just refering to the CBD area here.) the old-world charm of post-war buildings, without much modern effects, mostly 4-storey walk-ups.they really should conserve this place. the Tiong Bahru estate area, it really is a gem.

i guess the walk really calmed me down from what happened earlier. mind you, my location was two storey's up, above the grandstand, at the area above the place where soccer people sit and have a view of the whole running track : (written on the bus in a fit of anger on the way home)

"This is one of the very rare times i detest soccer and their players so much. And in a very long time, made me want to shout the F word at them, that follows with a u, c, k. I mean what's the point of kicking a ball so high towards a wall such then when it drops back down, they have to climb up the stairs to retrieve it. Ok, it was most probably accidental (or the person who kicked the ball must have an unconscious grudge against the past hockey captain) for the ball to actually fly over the wall, and i didn't see who kicked the ball, but it seriously pissed me off.

It is also probably my luck, and as vinnie put it, my face is a ball magnet. The soccer ball travelling at who knows what speed, hitting me right square on the mouth just as i looked in the ball's direction. Which also meant that i did not see it coming towards me AT ALL. But vinnie did. This is the second time this year a ball hit my mouth (first was a hockey ball), but without any visible damages. Perhaps the balls are trying to knock out my two front teeth and get me to wear braces. One of them is still shaky from the last time. And it's the third or fourth ball to hit my face at all. Or maybe some higher force thinks my face is too ugly and wants to disfigure it. My inner sense of shame is preventing me from saying the reverse.

Seriously, i do not enjoy giving away free kisses to balls. " -6.05pm

so, today wasn't the best, with a cold rainy morning, me being late for school (again), and econs lecture being not productive at all, and me suffering from muscle aches from yesterday's 10-round run. but my class really has a way of adding spice (literally) into school life. as a result, there's a new healthy snack:

raw carrots dipped in Nutella.

weird. i know. but you can't really taste the carrots thanks to chocolate, so it taste like..crunchy nutella. XD

i need to find a new place to study. the school library is getting noisy. too noisy. so much for it being a LIBRARY.irony.

Today's an amusing day. And i've only been awake for an hour. First, i've got a lesbian couple standing next to me on the first bus. I don't know if it's obvious. But being from a girl's school before allows you to spot a few details. The 'Guy' looked like a well-dressed young man, except that the facial features were nicely sculpted with big expressive eyes, but wasn't what you would call feminine. From the short waxed hair, shirt, pants, big watch and cologne, that's how i would imagine jo would be like in a few years time. The partner would always be the one looking like...well a normal lady. The details that gave it away: fourth finger matching rings on the right hand, the little gestures a conservative couple would allow in public. The way she would look into her eyes when they talk. As if she's the only one in the world. I'm a little envious there, which i think anyone non-homophobic would feel as it's kinda sweet. Alright, i got a little carried away on that. But just another detail. The earstud was on the left ear. The right had a ring through the upper lobe.

Secondly, not much exciting, but the bus i was on managed to overtake my second bus right before the busstop i had to alight at, which is pretty convenient once i alighted. And my buses didn't make me wait more than 5 mins today, which is a good sign.

Thirdly, i managed to cook pasta in the morning and not be late. As compared to last week where i made bread alone and was late.

Fourthly, FD has an earstud/stick on his left.

Fifth, bukit timah is once again jammed in the morning. Oh how i miss those jam-free days.

Lastly, it's the first time i've reached school without taking a bite out of my breakfast:)

There's nothing much to do but observe the wonderful mornings.

-7.38am

Bio lesson- My theory is that stupidity is passed on as a trait. Environmental changes has allowed less intelligent beings to survive (due to technology simplifying once-complicated processes) and thus is not selected against through evolution.

-2pm

I'm suprised at myself for not falling asleep in any classes or during my studying period today. Which is an achievement when i slept for less than 4 hours last night.

-4.20pm

My unwillingness to spend money on food in school has caused me to spend even more outside. I left school intending to buy ONE slice of cake for myself near my house, but due to a series of different events from planned, i ended up at Sun Moulin, spending abt 8 bucks on bread and cakes. That's what a hungry stomach does to me. Ah, but what nice bread they were. And now i'm a pork-floss bun convert as compared to before, i didn't touch pork floss buns at all. The mini mango chiffon was nothing much though. Tasted like normal steamed egg buns.

Last night i just caved into satisfying a chocolate craving which prompted me to make the decadent chocolate molten cake. It may have seemed unfortunate that i accidentally overbaked it and it became chocolate cake, but it was what i call a heavenly treat in disguise. I spooned a scoop of chocolate ganache over, then warmed it in the microwave. Hello warm chocolate cake heaven!

Let's hope the strawberry shortcake doesn't disappoint me now:)

-7.13pm

it truly was a thoughtful day. and i didn't even bother to mention that i got back my first U grade for common test papers. i was too busy observing other things. well, the strawberry shortcake did disappoint me a little, with grainy sponge and not very sweet cream, despite the big juicy strawberries. we'll see what tomorrow brings.

it's so exciting!

looking through university websites, learning about the kinds of things I need to know for the future.

you could say i never thought about going overseas just a few months back, and now i'm looking at the whole world!

my ultimate focus is still on business. who knew you can get an MBA just within 2 years? well i just did. apparently the 2-year MBAs are AFTER you get your bachelor's degree with honors [Stanford] just a little more research and my eyes are opened. it seems like a lot more paths into my future has grown(:

Pastry pastry, i'm sorry, but you've gotta wait.

oh and i must say that harvard's homepage picture is a little freakish. mealworms??here.