It's been a long time since I last felt like this.
Lonely. Helpless.
I can't believe I forgot about dinner tonight. Yes, there was the stupid stomachache thanks to the cold milk I drank in the afternoon, but that's still no reason to forget meeting my precious teammates right. Sigh. Just hearing them through the phone made me regret how much fun I could have with them and how much I actually miss my the team (yes, those in question reading this, that's how much I miss you guys to declare it out loud!) Coming home alone to an empty house while I knew I could have been out having fun just caused my mood to plummet a little further. Perhaps this is what it'll be like when I move out (or go overseas) and start living alone. Really lonely it is.

Helpless, because no matter how hard we wish for the situation to get better, nj hockey is in its pits. I really hate saying it out loud, but it seriously puts me in such a depressed mood just thinking about it. Thanks to my awesome job with awesome working hours, I can't go back to help them at all, if there's even anything at all I can help with to get them out of those dire straits. As a previous captain with an attachment to nj hockey for 4 years, it hurts to watch like a captain of a sinking ship. I can only pray for a miracle in hockey enrollment numbers for this year's J1s now, because only that can save the hockey future.

I really don't wish to regret my decision to take up my current job as a baker, but sometimes it's really trying to compare my passion for baking(and the current job scope is still a little off from what I really want to do) against the long hours, labour intensive, less than average pay which robs me of much of my time to pursue other things. I still want to carry on with my jap classes, need time to study for each lesson, go for hockey trainings, participate in u21 tournaments, go out with my friends till late, take driving lessons, pack my room...and the list goes on. But it's almost impossible to carry out all these with 1 and a half days of free time a week, since i'm just too tired at the end of each day to do anything else. Again, I'm not good with disappointing other people, especially when they've become such good friends of mine. It's really determination from here on.

-------------------------------------------------
I had such a weird dream last night. But due to my short-term memory, I can't recall it. I remembered it in the morning, but to retain it till now, is almost an impossible task. I just know that it was pretty intriguing.

Ah yes, now before I forget, to pen down my memories of last tuesday night [5/1/10]. The post-A levels 6C reunion gathering. Andrew, Liak aka John, Wei Hong, Christopher, Zestin, Matthew and all of WISHES turned up. Four others we were expecting didn't turn up due to various reasons, but it was interesting enough to see some people again. Dinner was at The Pit, an open air restaurant cum pub cum cafe just below 2am:dessertbar in the corner of Holland Village. Food I have to saw was good, and of pretty big portions, so it was pretty worth the price. The girls shared a full slab of Baby Back Ribs, Chish and Fips (Fish and Chips), and Hot Wings, while the guys went for the huge burgers and beers. It was mostly exchanges of stories of our lives, and pleasant conversation, but there was a little sadness 'I would say, because we all didn't want the night to end. Nikki was leaving for America the next day for who knows till when. Dessert was at the Daily scoop, the branch at Chip Bee Gardens. It was closing already, so I couldn't have my waffles, but the staff were nice enough to let us have ice cream and sit about till about 10.45pm (when its supposed to close at 10pm). After ice-cream, a few of us started leaving for home, while we had a plan to chill a little at starbucks, but that didn't happen. Dickson turned up, some others left, and then, they adjourned to Andrew's house, again. No, sadly I didn't go cause my parents were already on the way to pick me, and so I was left alone at Hollang V, and missing out all the extra catching up, thanks to work the next day again.

NIKKI I MISS YOU!!

I am afraid. Of what's to come in a little less than two months time.