i think i've had a tad too many moodswings the past few days.the happiness.the sadness.the frustration.the lonliness.the hyperactivity-ness.and the pissed-off-ness.
somehow my thumb hurts at the point where it joins to the rest of the palm.shitty crap.

yesterday and today were all unproductive.basically.school.eat.sleep.hockey.eat.sleep.read.tablet.
and a miricle that i survived not eating anything for recess today.
time flies.i hate it. and i think its the cause of my books.i read and zoom .hours gone by. and the 2 books im reading have basically the same plot.a married woman, who wants a divorce or already did.finds a hot guy .with ex-husband chasing her and she runs away.as she found some dirty truth about him.new hunky boyfriends help out and they live happily after in a nice town.
well..that's all i can dream of. no such thing in reality.that's why they're in books.

mr ho has no life. when he asks me to do something.he tells me at least twice or three times in school, then calls me at home to call the rest of the class.like im THAT free.and i don't even have the prper list of class numbers.wait.actually i do.but still.does he have to call? im so glad im not seeing him next year.

i so agree with val on her last entry.not that any of you will ever be able to see it except the royal highnesses in england.hah. but it really is.and i think we're like straying apart.everybody.and i can never be as emo as stacey's class.not in crescent.the class is just plain sad.and so is the hockey team.its as though hockey is just a cca to them.just go for training then go home and that's it.its so much deeper and yet they just can't seem to actually feel and be part of the team. shut up with that idiotic annoying selfishness of yours.and don't act so part of it if you don't want in.

i think im falling sick.not because we're getting our papers back tmr, but more of exhaustion, or just sleeping under the ceiling fan on the sofa today with only my blouse and fbts on.got a bloody blocked nose.and a sneezing fit.my bloody left side of the rib cage hurts.felt as though a bicycle hit me or i fell from the 2nd story on my left.the rest of my body just aches.and the spain cum everlasting injury in my left knee never stops.there was training yesterday.and so does tmr.

sad news is.my hopes died when nordin told me i couldn't play in b div' for under 21 next year coz im going to nj.i raised up my own hopes for nothing.so im still like stuck between tennis and hockey for next year.
and i think my mom's right.if i do too much or everything, i'll just be left with nothing in the end.how true can that be.it's always been the same with my ccas.take gym.i spent 6 freaking hard years in it and i din't even get anything back.p4 .i was at my best.but p5 i redid my compulsory and so i was pilled down.and from there on i plunged.and its almost the same here.hockey.sec 1.i learned fast.then now.everythings going down the drain.not only are my skills, but im cutting my own dream short by going to njc.its just not fated.i'll end up a lonely grey haired granny who's miserable with nothing.
and to think not so long ago, after a match with the australian hockey team, there was one player who asked for my age.i told her and she was like surprised and told me that i'll be a great hockey player in the future. what bull.

and yun hui told me never to look back on the past.i don't think i even can.im just afraid.of change.that's why im alone.i understand only myself.the big cowardly self.and i realized all my moodswings started when i knew i was going to njc.its changed me.one simple fact.changed me.

back to the real not - so - much sadness world.the class has a tradition.thanks to eunice.everyyear, after the exams be it mis years or finals, we would play stress in class.hope it lives on.which would never happen.

i just hope that more people would actually go for the genting trip.it would be my last outing with the crescent hockers when im still part of crescent.sad times.i better enoy while i can.

my posts are too long.they are never short anymore.
time record: 11.52 pm.go check the time i started the post.