having such a job is tough. too tough. too demanding for me. maybe that's why i don't aim to aspire nor achieve to be one.or maybe because i just can't. but its not that i can't, i chose not to take that path to be one, and when i chose, i chose because i thought i couldn't do it. but what if maybe i could? if i just work harder, hard enough to make it work? but i don't, because i think i wouldn't enjoy it. that's why they are called dreams, but its not my dream at least. 

so many buts and maybes, to hide the fact that i'm just lazy.

doctor.

my public holiday was spent lazing around the house as usual, with the added luxury of brownies and 'neiman-marcus cookies' which are really delicious despite the troublesome recipe, freshly baked in the morning. night was spent uh, cooking not very nice food mindlessly, chatting with some old friends, and watching jumper, before they left. good to see you guys again, but i don't know why i still feel as distant as ever. i have friend issues. i think.  along with discipline, self-control, lazy, responsibility, judgemental issues.

training today, was pathetic.