i have wasted another saturday away.
my self control is apparently non-existent.
and here i finished two manga series...
not good.

In the Library.

'The Bears Discussing'
'The Sole Survivor'

Studying is lonely. expecially when you've got to concentrate and study alone. It brings out the introvert in you. It makes you independent. But it's so sad. I'm slowly losing my mind to this madness. Getting home after a long day of study and the sky is dark, but you reach home and the house is quiet. There's no one around to prepare dinner. Dinner becomes a one-man affair as well. The irony of buying home 'five-star chicken rice' only to share it with the glow of the television.

Remember. Nobody wants to be alone.

i have sinnned against myself throughout this whole weekend. I totally blasted most of my self-rules within 3 days. Blasphemy!

1) I finished another judith macnaught book i borrowed from the library on friday. Something Wonderful the title was. how ironic when i precisely went to the library to study that day right after the celebrations. but it was a wonderful book though.

2) I ate overly full. Even on my birthday itself i was satisfied, but not to the extent of my tummy bursting at its seams. It'll take at least another 50 rounds on the track to redeem myself.

3) I watched Marley and Me on my brother's computer. Harry Potter was meant to be my last movie till anthe End of As.

4) I went on facebook. that's not too bad since i spend no more than 10 mins on it. That's as long as i don't click on mafia wars and sorority life.

5) I watched TV continously for uh, about 4 hours straight on saturday night. most were on National Geographic, so i could argue that it's rather educational. Secrets of the Tang Treasure Ship, Korea Sparkling: Unlocking the Grid about congestion, Life after People...

6) I made pancakes. nothing wrong about that, but it took almost as long as baking.

7) It's getting less relevent, but i spent more than i should on a new pair of earphones of lower quality than my currently spoilt pair.

8) Just to make it a nice number, i actually blogged three times in all today. I shouldn't even be blogging. but it unwise not to, since it's part of the stress relieving process of ranting.

I shall go back to watching 300 on channel 5.

marley and me.
touching..really. no other words to describe it (:

and i cried.

it's late afternoon, and i'm sleepy.
my tummy's still full from the 2 hour-plus lunch this afternoon at The Line. Shangri-la hotel. Yes, an extravagance, but it was meant as a birthday lunch for my brother's 21st birthday, hence the all out nature of throwing money to the wind, or rather to the hotel's cash register. since it was one expensive buffet, my whole family plus my brother's 5 friends ate till or tummies were at the point of bursting (at least mine felt like it was. that's why i said the last time buffets are so not healthy. The food was good though, as expected from shangri-la.picture post again, since im too sleepy and uncomfortable using my brother's computer. oh and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE & SHAUN CHUA!

The Line @ Shangri-la Hotel
sadly i didn't take a lot of pictures either..so this'll have to do.

my third serving of food. i was starving, so kinda forgot to take the camera out till then. There was A LOT of variety. Dim sum, prime rib, satay, lamb chop, salmon coli-something (it's like a long salmon puff), mushroom quiche, bread with garden vegetable soup (it was just green pea soup)....those were what i ate. there's a lot more fresh seafood, sashimi, local favourites etc. but the quality was just so good..
left to right: Rose mouse with blood orange jelly, Gula Melaka Sago and Coconut Panna Cotta. My favourite is still the rose mousse.
Clockwise starting from centre: Tiramisu, Apple Filo, Cream Puff, Macaron, Lamington in Rasberry Confit.
Chocolate Cremeux: my older brother's favourite. basically dark chcolate cream with more chocolate in the middle.
L to R: Strawberry Shortcake, Morello Cheesecake, Pineapple and Mango Mousse.
Gulab Jamu: an Indian dessert, supposedly made of condensed milk, flour , soaked in suger syrup. This one had some coconut in it, which made it have this veggie-like texture. made my mom exclaim: 'it's like i'm eating paper.'

L to R: Carrot cake with cream cheese, Macha (green tea and red bean paste)
Creme Brulee. This was NICE.
Brother's Chocolate Truffle Birthday cake. more rich chocolate.
The dessert disply. this is only one third of it, the 'cakes' section. there's the local desserts, the ice cream counter, the waffle/crepe counter with the ice kachang and chendol, and the ethnic desserts....
did i mention i love the range of desserts although those were the ultimate that killed my stomach?

where/what is my place in this world?

i feel more lost than ever. like a compass that loses its direction and it just keeps on spinning and doesn't stop. where should i be going from here? i was never one to leave my end point empty, which the end of As currently is. all those mundane university courses doesn't seem to appeal to me anymore. what happened to all the things i was so interested in when i was looking through the courses and couldn't decide which to take up? I don't want to be stuck another 3 - 4 years at some school wasting the time away at something i might regret taking. currently i partially do, after reading the IP certificate we were handed a while back. it mentioned about how we are the part of the privileged top 10% to skip O levels so that we had more time to prepare for As, and the IP programme is for students whom they are sure would want and can get into a university. but i don't think i fall into those categories. i mean i might have before, and i do know there's a 90% chance i'll be in some university next year, but there's just this feeling inside that wants to be free. like adventure. travelling. i'm sure everyone wants to go travelling. like who doesn't? but for uni, i want to be able to make a change on the world to become more sustainable/live in the forest/travel back in time to the olden days where technology did not pervade every single aspect of our lives, where i don't have to worry about things such as image and materialism and how others might think of me. I want to observe people, understand why people have different personalities, why people do the things they do, why people have the 'herd mentality', why emotions are needs to a human. perhaps i should study psychology, human behavior. be an observer.

there was the long-lost dream of being an astronaut. i would float around in space and watch the earth. Observe Mother Nature and her beauty. Then I would be an air stewardess. I can serve people, meet different types of people and make them happy. then i'll be able to travel the world too. Then i would get lost in the Amazon forest. I would learn to make the forest my home. I would be friends with all the animals that are nice to me. I would then build a ship. and sail to the four corners of the sea. Just me, the wind, the sun and the ocean. but it'll be so lonely. I want to discover a new island. I want to experience the Artic. Would you come with me?

is there such a course?