fucking broke down again.
this time it was bad.
hyperventilated. couldn't breathe. it hurt as hell.
but it passes. it always does.

the trigger was the usual persistent calls from home while i'm out enjoying myself. mood drastically shifts. i leave the party, alone. attempting to catch the last train home. I do manage to, only to get stranded at another station. i contemplate walking home. that's 3 hours. i decided to hail a cab cause i was already feeling like shit from the redundant half hour train ride.

my train of thoughts shifted from anger, ultimately to loneliness. thoughts of leaving home. sleeping in school. talking back. giving up all that shit. and back to loneliness. and how i couldn't even ask my own mother for a hug to soothe the pain away.my chest hurt. real bad. it was uncontrollable.

do i really have to be so strong? I was brought up to be strong. I'm always keeping it in. Guess that's when I really reach my limit and let everything out. Like a overflowing dam that couldn't keep everything contained anymore.