I should just give up on going to a UK university. It was just an aspiration i suppose. Just another option to not stay in Singapore. [Not that I hate my home country or anything, I just want to see the world.]

It was an eventful morning today [or make that yesterday]. Ms Shawna Lim's wedding!
Congratulations Ms Lim & Mr Daniel Hew[i'm not sure if i got the name right:/ ]
A happy day it was supposed to be, but it didn't start too well with me, from outfit, to the mysterious case of the missing ez-link card, to my frustrations with public transport. But those issues aren't the focus of the post, so I shan't go into details and whine.
It seems rude of me, but somehow, I kept comparing the service to Ms Tay's wedding earlier this year. Perhaps it was  because it was the only other teacher's church wedding I've attended, and my lack of experiences in church weddings anyway. Held at Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church, it was my first time stepping into a Chinese church, and listening to the ceremony in chinese. I did feel a little out of place, with me almost effectively monolingual right now. There were translations, and I still could understand what the pastor was saying, but the weirdest thing was hearing my english-speaking econs teacher speak in dialect. No, I didn't hear her speak chinese, because, even cuter, was that the husband said his vows and spoke to the audience in chinese, while she did likewise and replied, in english. Haha. She was really pretty and demure looking in her dress, but once she started speaking, it was totally back to Ms Econs teacher as we know her; straight, direct to the point, speed-talking! haha! The few of us, her students, managed to get a picture with her after the lunch, before we left. Sigh, what a sweet day it was supposed to be.

*ranthotsunwalkinginheelswithoutezlinkcardrant*

where/what is my place in this world?

i feel more lost than ever. like a compass that loses its direction and it just keeps on spinning and doesn't stop. where should i be going from here? i was never one to leave my end point empty, which the end of As currently is. all those mundane university courses doesn't seem to appeal to me anymore. what happened to all the things i was so interested in when i was looking through the courses and couldn't decide which to take up? I don't want to be stuck another 3 - 4 years at some school wasting the time away at something i might regret taking. currently i partially do, after reading the IP certificate we were handed a while back. it mentioned about how we are the part of the privileged top 10% to skip O levels so that we had more time to prepare for As, and the IP programme is for students whom they are sure would want and can get into a university. but i don't think i fall into those categories. i mean i might have before, and i do know there's a 90% chance i'll be in some university next year, but there's just this feeling inside that wants to be free. like adventure. travelling. i'm sure everyone wants to go travelling. like who doesn't? but for uni, i want to be able to make a change on the world to become more sustainable/live in the forest/travel back in time to the olden days where technology did not pervade every single aspect of our lives, where i don't have to worry about things such as image and materialism and how others might think of me. I want to observe people, understand why people have different personalities, why people do the things they do, why people have the 'herd mentality', why emotions are needs to a human. perhaps i should study psychology, human behavior. be an observer.

there was the long-lost dream of being an astronaut. i would float around in space and watch the earth. Observe Mother Nature and her beauty. Then I would be an air stewardess. I can serve people, meet different types of people and make them happy. then i'll be able to travel the world too. Then i would get lost in the Amazon forest. I would learn to make the forest my home. I would be friends with all the animals that are nice to me. I would then build a ship. and sail to the four corners of the sea. Just me, the wind, the sun and the ocean. but it'll be so lonely. I want to discover a new island. I want to experience the Artic. Would you come with me?

is there such a course?

i don't know why. but i always listen to my older brother no matter what he says. not necessarily that i'll follow his advice, but somehow it matters. even when he talks as if he's the only one who matters in the world, not caring about others attitude, basically his point of view. but sometimes it's convincing enough it makes sense. i guess that's just him. being able to manipulate people, convince them of what to do. thus he'll make a good financial planner = his current job. a little bit of a salesman somewhat.

and that talk with him over cooking and eating dinner and washing up (i was doing all the cooking and washing up; and him the talking) he made me rethink about university. earlier in the day, i was thinking about culinary school. not just pastry.he was positive about that. and then he brought in my parents' view and university. and then about business school. no use he says. and it made sense. haha. in a way. ok, it coincided with ms ting's comments in class too - about people getting good grades then going into business (implied as if business isnt all that, which is somewhat true with almost everyone in business as if it's mainstream) so now i'm back to square one. seriously at loss at what i want to do in uni. something fun, adventurous, out of the classroom. national geographic! haha. that would lead me into geography, but i'm not into the science. just the outdoors. environment. making people recycle. making the world sustainable.

this always happens just because i'm so easily swayed. lets just hope that can change very soon.

perhaps it was the significance of having my last 17-year-old dinner, i was in a pretty good mood, cooking for me, my brother and my dad, washing up, all on my own accord. perhaps it was the atmosphere. happy day = i'm being a helpful person, and i got to talk to my brother in a long time - without parents around. so i guess it's a pretty reflective or...don't really have a word to describe it, but, calming, to have a talk with siblings. older siblings (no matter how self-centred and lazy they are - well, my brother was saying how we should all just have dishwashers so we don't have to wash dishes, while I was washing all the dishes and he was eating ice cream) and so my nicest dinner i've cooked myself:

Fried Rice with ham and celery, Portobello Mushroom with Butter and Garlic (my signature), and lastly Grilled French Onion Bratwhurst.

it's so exciting!

looking through university websites, learning about the kinds of things I need to know for the future.

you could say i never thought about going overseas just a few months back, and now i'm looking at the whole world!

my ultimate focus is still on business. who knew you can get an MBA just within 2 years? well i just did. apparently the 2-year MBAs are AFTER you get your bachelor's degree with honors [Stanford] just a little more research and my eyes are opened. it seems like a lot more paths into my future has grown(:

Pastry pastry, i'm sorry, but you've gotta wait.

oh and i must say that harvard's homepage picture is a little freakish. mealworms??here.