where i'd rather be anonymous

lost.

2012-01-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

I lost it.

My passion for climbing, for organizing, for leading.

I think its temporary. I really hope it is. The fatigue, or maybe its the never-ending administrative work that distracts me from starting on what I really want to achieve. Perhaps I should delegate more. I always forget not to just take everything on my own.

It was so much easier to lead a team. One that trained together, ate together, played together, competed together. Rather than leading a group, whom are divided by interests, divided by skills, divided by levels, divided by schedules. I felt like there's some change from before. The group dynamics have shifted, causing people to behave differently. It's time to start blowing the bird-calling whistle.

Don't give up, because it's only the start.

Effort.

2012-01-24T23:47:00.000+08:00

I haven't been fighting. Fighting for what I want, or have a goal in life. Is that bad? Not to have an ultimate goal in life?I give up too easily sometimes, and I don't work hard enough.

When I was a gymnast, I knew I loved the sport, being able to unlock the potential in us, to push our bodies to the limit to achieve something wonderful. That, was a great feeling I didn't understand before. I loved being able to do tricks with my body, to be able to do things others couldn't, it empowered me, taught me things that I would never have learnt in the classroom. However, I remembered wanting to win at Nationals, but somehow I don't remember pushing myself for it. There was no inner desire, no push from within to go over my boundaries to be the best. I guess that's why I never won any Nationals. That was my only regret from my 6-year artistic gymnastics career. Because I never pushed myself hard enough, and thought I was better than others, and became complacent. Gymnastics was a difficult and demanding sport, that I can agree, and I'm glad it was a part of my life before.

Same for hockey I believe. I remembered more pushing then. More sweat, more tears, more emotions. And now, let's not get lazy and regret about climbing too. Time to get cranking.

so thank you Payson, Kaylie, Lauren, Emily and Sasha for showing me what I didn't notice before.

once a gymnast, always a gymnast.

gold.

2012-01-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

Is winning gold all that matters?

Yes, if it's everything you ever wanted, everything you ever worked for, worth all the sacrifices you've ever made, and everything your loved ones wished for you. For you to achieve that dream, it's never a solo effort. So remember those who helped you along the way, and thank god that they were there for you.

Make it or Break It. ABC family. Season 2.

2012-01-16T01:48:00.001+08:00

why am i so melancholic?
I am sick of the feeling of being alone.

cloud

2012-01-02T16:05:00.001+08:00

let's hope this fog of confusion lifts, because I can't stand this feeling anymore.

2012-01-02T14:38:00.001+08:00

help.

time alone

2011-12-30T15:47:00.001+08:00

I felt lazy. and maybe it wasn't practical to join others climbing when others have already climbed for 2 hours. So I just decided to head home. It was a pretty good decision. Some alone time (in the day), which I definitely have been lacking recently.

There's just been so much moving around, meeting people, being sociable. And coming back home just means it's time to clear emails, follow up on the progress of events, and catch some sleep to re-energize for the next day's hectic schedule. I could say it's a definite recipe for burning out.

It's a particularly inspiring day, following a brunch with the namaste people (refers to the team i did and OCIP to nepal with last year). The leaders for the subsequent Namaste mission just came back recently, and they were sharing all the stories that happened up in the mountains those two weeks, while we compared it to our experiences a year before. It was a great time to reminiscence. And while Zehou just came back from his backpacking trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Bangkok, Zihan had just returned from India as well. It really made me want to just fly out and explore the world there and then. But with Namaste, there's always this sense of giving back. It started out after all, as a community service trip between a group of people wanting to give back to the citizens of the world. The social enterprise cafe which allowed tourists to help it's workers by teaching them english, the swiss doctor who set up a chain of free children's medical hospital and his weekly cello concerts without fail, the joy displayed by the children in Nepal when we arrived, it's a wonderous feeling of amazement.

This is why i love them Namaste people. Giving me inspiration and motivation to aspire.

Thanks guys.

back thoughts in motion.

2011-12-29T01:38:00.003+08:00

13th Dec 2011, 9pm
as the night wind blows, my thoughts drift from the possibility of me suffering from depression, to how nice it'll be to not have all these responsibilities and just live life in the countryside.

I just feel so tired. So alone. Maybe it's the unacclimatised exhaustion from climbing, or the stress from all that's going on. sometimes, I keep asking myself, why am I working so hard? for whose sake? Or am I just caught up in the system. Programmed to do everyone's bidding.

27th Dec 2011, 2.52pm
is it possible to like someone so deeply, without liking their habits, actions and personality? it's confusing me terribly. Having such strong emotions for a person whom I don't believe is the type of guy for me, as if I'm liking a person for the idea of him, and not himself. Doesn't really make sense, I know. Perhaps I needed someone to like so desperately that I projected my emotions onto a person whom I'm most familiar with?

Just give me someone who would hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

it isn't the present that hurts, but the past and it's memories that hurt us.

the christmas spirit

2011-12-24T01:32:00.002+08:00

it's christmas eve.
time for me to get my stuff together and enjoy the remains of an approaching christmas.

more rumination.

2011-12-13T23:14:00.001+08:00

as the night wind blows, my thoughts drift from the possibility of me suffering from depression, to how nice it'll be to not have all these responsibilities and just live life in the countryside.

I just feel so tired. So alone. Maybe it's the unacclimatised exhaustion from climbing, or the stress from all that's going on. sometimes, I keep asking myself, why am I working so hard? for whose sake? Or am I just caught up in the system. Programmed to do everyone's bidding.

I want to be alone to think, and to wallow and cry. But I still want someone to be there for me. Conflicted.

>recorded: thoughts in motion

snippets shared.

2011-12-08T00:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I share little snippets of our time together, hoping that my memories will still live on in others, rather than just mine. Perhaps it's a little like validating those few weeks, so that it doesn't fade away into nothingness. It's foolish that I'm still holding on to something of the past, something that will only bring back aching emotions.

Men. pfft.

2011-11-27T13:02:00.001+08:00

I really want to be like her. My current favourite manga female lead character: Ayuzawa Mizaki from Kaichou wa Maid-sama! She has a spunky personality, starts really naive at the beginning, and has a hatred for guys. I guess that's where I relate to her, being like her : "the tiger" of the class, and is the general direction of this post.

I can't deny it. I'm terribly cynical about guys, not to the point of hatred, because yes, I still do fantasize about them, being Mr. Prince Charming and rescuing me from the daily monotonous hum-drums of life. But that's just it. Fantasy. It's hardly reality to find a perfect gentleman for yourself in this world. Hence, being too rational and logical, I still have this stereotypical image of men - Useless, aggressive bastards. It doesn't help that I just read an article about domestic violence on wives, that my dad just threw another one of his unbearable tantrums (which is why i'm trying to finish this post as fast as possible and get out of the house, even on a Sunday), and I'm FREAKING (i would like to use the word fuck, but let's be nice) PISSED OFF at one of my committee members (obviously a guy).

As I attempt to deconstruct my underlying motivations, I just hope I calm down after all this.

1. At home, I was brought up with the belief that guys are nothing more useful than to sit in front of the television, drop crumbs everywhere, and expect the woman to clean up. It doesn't help that my father throws himself into a fit of rage over minor unreasonable issues, spurting vulgarities from his mouth, threatening people with consequences that seem to matter, but we have learnt to ignore, almost on a daily basis. I have learnt to be unconcerned about it, but the truth is, I'll always feel affected by it. These tantrums affect the whole family, builds up stresses and tensions internally, making the home seem so much less hospitable. It's no wonder I feel so much more comfortable out of the house, most times leaving in the morning, returning at night, avoiding any further contact or situations that would throw my mood off. Using the social science perspective, it's through these experiences that I was socialized to think of men as aggressive, unreasonable and single-mindedly stubborn, especially when that is the first male characteristics you infer from a father figure.

2. Men have been disappointing me. Or that I could have set up too high expectations of them, that they constantly fail to live up to these expectations, hence the disappointment. But sometimes, is it just so much to ask from males to act maturely, take responsibility and be nice?

3. My previous boyfriends (if I do consider them), hasn't proved any useful in eliminating the stereotypical view I have of their species.

4. The feminist movement. Growing up in a patriarchal country, but with focus on gender equality and the many challenges that women face in society, has encouraged me to be empowered over my own gender. Empowered to carve the path of my future, without the dependence of men, that we don't need to be protected by them.

So if you think you can change my mind about males, please do look for me and prove the merits of your species otherwise. I'm just protecting a little girl from getting hurt here.

2011-11-27T01:04:00.001+08:00

is it so fucking hard just to come up with a list of the number of people needed to help out in an event?

FUCK ASS.

i'd rather do it myself than wait for you to be done with it.

manga life

2011-11-26T14:47:00.001+08:00

manga makes my life seem so dull. reading it propels you into this fantasy world, that you wish you were a part of, where miracles and magic happens. but it's precisely that: fantasy. not reality. which makes it so enjoyable that you never want to leave it.

post-paper complaints.

2011-11-22T10:57:00.001+08:00

I've been awake for the past 4 hours, and it hasn't been nice to me so far.
Alright, that was an exaggeration. My last two hours hasn't been nice to me. And that was due to having my first finals paper of the semester. You know how much I hate studying and being tested for it.

1. My laptop refused to work in the exam room (the test was online). Thank god for prepared exam backup laptops, but WHY OH WHY did you not work then, and work only when the exam is OVER? It must have been going through a adolescent rebellion phase.

2. The test had an essay component. I really don't like writing essays (ironically, my major requires me to write many, many essays more).

3. I fell asleep during the exam. Although only for a few seconds, my brain really wasn't functioning for the first one and a half hours. I was typing without thinking anymore.

4. I really didn't care how I did for the essay anymore.

Results of a combination of grade ambivalence and sleep deprivation. And to think my aim was to pull up my GPA. I think I'll be happy with just not failing anymore.

This is probably a prelude to a series of similar upcoming posts, since there's three more papers to go, and I doubt I'll be in the inspirational mood to posts some life-changing thought.

travels.

2011-11-20T02:05:00.001+08:00

"I am an adventurer not by choice but by fate"

Beautiful ain't it. It does reflect my inner feelings currently, as much as I want to travel the world. I came across this quote from one of the comments in an article by my current favourite blogger - Jeff Goins.
"3 Reasons to Travel While You're Young"
I started following him due to the above mentioned post when I saw it being shared on facebook. Before I read that article, I had a penchant for travelling. My adventurous nature just pulled me towards anything that was out there. The food, the culture, the atmosphere, the people, their thoughts, their habits, their behaviours - it's all so fascinating! The article only served one purpose. It reinforced my decision to travel. Whenever I can.

I'm going to meet people from around the world. Let me say 'Hi' to you first. Look out for me!

dreams.

2011-11-19T02:51:00.001+08:00

I wanted to be a writer, after I read a book about becoming one in the publishing industry.

I wanted to be a singer, after I watched a video of a talented artist and was amazed.

I wanted to be a fashion designer, after I saw the beautiful designs in a magazine.

I wanted to be a teacher, after I read about the miracles teachers make in their student's lives.

I wanted to be a patissier, after I ate one of the prettiest cakes in the world.

I wanted to be a photographer, after I was mesmerized by the photos in a gallery.

I wanted to be a pilot, after I watched a Broadway play about a con-artiste who acted as one.

I wanted to be a flight stewardess, after I watched a movie of them jetting around the world.

I wanted to be a human rights activist, after I read an article about the poverty issues around the world.

I wanted to be a blogger, after I read about the perks of getting invited to events for free.

I wanted to be a ........

and I still can be anything I want to be.

I don't think I'm fickle-minded or have no future direction, I'm just impressionable. It's wonderful, don't you think? To be able to be influenced by the wonders of life, to inspire one to be something, or someone that is happy to be that person in the future. You've got to enjoy your job to enjoy your life. Because most times, your job will be your life. I'm lucky to still be young, to not yet be stuck in the cycles of working life, where people find so difficult to get up and leave for something they really REALLY want to do.

It's not wrong to have dreams. It's great in fact. It's a motivation that keeps the world happy.

Did you follow your dreams?

reading literature.

2011-11-19T01:28:00.001+08:00

Oh, the sweet feeling of being able to finish a fictional piece of literature that wasn't required of me to memorize facts after theories after explanations.
The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger.
Thank you for making my past 3 days so much more bearable, and providing me with much amusement despite the amount of studying I have to catch up on now. It just made miss New York all over again, and wish for things that would unlikely ever happen to me in the future. But dreams always serve a function. Don't give up on them.

Someone like me

2011-11-17T19:09:00.001+08:00

I finally felt a resemblance of my past lonely life. One of which I was perfectly content with socializing with my friends without feeling a need of you. Without feeling some sort of heart-clenching moments. For a few weeks now, I barely talk to you, which I definitely do find surprising. But as a friend, I can only say that you have been pretty reclusive. I had once wished that even though we broke up, we might have become best friends. A person I could count on to share my happy days, bad days, days of feeling fat. Now, I'm just content if I can hold a conversation with you, but it'll still take some effort to hold a prolonged one. Perhaps the only reason why I still long for you is the time we had in US was too memorable. It'll be hard for anyone else to top that experience together with me.

Yes. I know I'm feeling lonely, and inadvertently my thoughts will turn to you because there's no others to turn to. So thanks, for providing a ready source of memories. I just wonder when will I not need these feelings of loneliness anymore.

Exams, let's get you done and over with.

theory behind facebook.

2011-11-03T00:16:00.001+08:00

I had an epiphany a few hours ago!
I had the feeling of solving a HUGE mystery, one of facebook. I thought I had figured out the theory behind facebook's success, but alas! Ironies of ironies, once I switched on my laptop in anticipation of recording it down on my memory-keeper blog, all thoughts were lost as facebook distracted me from recording down the theory of facebook!

So as I bathed, without the distractions of facebook in the shower, I attempted to recollect my memories of my epiphanic moment. But no, my short-term memory is so efficient at erasing temporary thoughts from my brain that I couldn't recall it at all.

The theory was likely introduced to me in one of my Sociology classes in school, where there is a sense of needing to know what other people think of you, each time you log onto facebook. It is similar to social reinforcement, where one seeks approval of his or her actions through feedback and comments garnered through their profile and activities online. It's so addictive precisely because we have this constant need to know if we still belong to an exclusive network of friends, and the steps needed to be taken to remain within that group. That is the feeling that keeps you wanting to come back for more information. To be exact, more social information.

Perhaps it was social referencing. It's the closest concept I can put my finger on at the moment, but saying it doesn't give me the same awe-inspiring, earth-shattering revelation of feeling that I experienced earlier. If the word does pop back into my brain, I'll let me know again.

2011-11-02T14:14:00.000+08:00

Why I still keep thinking about you.

You were the first who made me feel like I was wanted. I felt loved. That beats any other reason out there. And now that you're not around me, I miss that love that was once given to me. I can't miss what is in the future, only the past, which is you.

2011-10-30T04:08:00.000+08:00

fucking broke down again.
this time it was bad.
hyperventilated. couldn't breathe. it hurt as hell.
but it passes. it always does.

the trigger was the usual persistent calls from home while i'm out enjoying myself. mood drastically shifts. i leave the party, alone. attempting to catch the last train home. I do manage to, only to get stranded at another station. i contemplate walking home. that's 3 hours. i decided to hail a cab cause i was already feeling like shit from the redundant half hour train ride.

my train of thoughts shifted from anger, ultimately to loneliness. thoughts of leaving home. sleeping in school. talking back. giving up all that shit. and back to loneliness. and how i couldn't even ask my own mother for a hug to soothe the pain away.my chest hurt. real bad. it was uncontrollable.

do i really have to be so strong? I was brought up to be strong. I'm always keeping it in. Guess that's when I really reach my limit and let everything out. Like a overflowing dam that couldn't keep everything contained anymore.

2011-10-12T14:24:00.000+08:00

I was sad. I almost thought I was on the verge of depression. But no, that last part is not justified (according to what I'm being taught at school).
I was tired. I knew I was breaking down. But no, I could hold it in. There was no need for the tears to come out.
I was lonely. And i still am. But no, there's no one I turn to to push it away.

I must stay strong. But for who? Who am I staying strong for? My family? Friends? My Future? Myself?

Sometimes I feel like I'm giving too much of myself away. And there's barely enough left for me. Can someone give me back a part of me?

2011-10-04T22:03:00.003+08:00

i'm a TERRIBLE procrastinator. like, i procrastinate MADLY. wait...i should change that to..

I'm an EXPERT procrastinator.

oh how i hate myself so much for it.

2011-10-01T02:52:00.001+08:00

i wish this can be all about you. but no, now there are so much bigger issues on my mind than needing a guy. so why can't you just stay out of my head!

i'm actually surprised at myself for being surprised that i got the position of added responsibilities. perhaps i didn't think that much about it before, or i was hoping to just enjoy and cruise my way through climbing. but now, i've gotta think. what i want, what others want, and how i can achieve it so that everyone's happy. there's bound to be some scuffles here and there, but i'm sure enjoyable will benefit everyone.

i need a relaxer.

2011-09-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

you're like this piece of cake.
i've tried it already, and i was enjoying the cake so much because it was so good.
then, the cake is taken away from me.
placed somewhere close enough that i can still see it, smell it, but i just can't taste it anymore.

and i suffer, cause i'm addicted and i'm not getting my cake.

2011-09-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

it hurts. it hurt really bad just now and i don't know why.
the sudden pain in my chest, i had to hide my grimace on my face by staring out the window.
i need you now.

2011-09-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

inspiring.

taking the module Sociology of Food in school has been a rather eye-opening experience. i was always interested in food as a factor that moves the world, and this class has given me access into the world that we do not see as a normal "eater".

I want to change my diet, change my thinking of my eating habits, but it's gonna take awhile. but no hurry(:

go read: The Omnivore's Dilemma: the history of four meals. by Michael Pollan

in the meanwhile: watch jamie oliver's food revolution! he's definitely trying to change something.

do you see food in a different light? because i do now.

2011-09-21T14:54:00.000+08:00

i need to channel my emotions to a more positive direction.
although similarly as unproductive as before, i believe it's nurturing back the creative side of me.
except...that it's making me want to get down and dirty back in the kitchen!

whole wheat penne and vodka tomata sauce - aprondays.blogspot.com

or this:

raspberry chocolate tart - caren blair

i'm thinking about having "Friday nights with Pam" - in the kitchen of course (:

it'll be a time i can enjoy myself in the kitchen cooking for people i love and enjoy company with. or let's just start with my family. a special time.

and then i'll start inviting people over.

2011-09-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

and so for 10 days i didn't have that courage.
i mustered up enough to write you a note. and at least it was delivered in person.
i don't know how you're going to react, but i hope it's at least gonna hurt a little, if not, all the pain is mine to bear.
i'd expect this though: you won't do a thing about the situation, just go on ahead with your life. by yourself. because i was never there.

2011-09-09T23:33:00.001+08:00

it's time for me to organize my life. like you said. prioritize.

to throw out the ancient trash and redundant pieces of scrap i've been holding on to.

i think we didn't work out.

no matter how much i like you, we're just too different.

i needed the love and affection which you don't seem to give.

perhaps it was because we only had each other then. the familiar past to share our experiences with.

ever since we came back from there, you changed. or rather, you went back to what you were before.

i had expectations, hopes, and ideas for us together, but now, there's only disappointment.

i liked you. i really did; whole-heartedly.
the time and emotions i spent on you seems for nothing.

you didn't make me feel like i was yours.

i gave myself to you too easily.

you made the first move, i surrendered readily.

when the time comes for us to have this conversation, i pray that i'll have the courage to go through with it, because i know that my heart will break a little.

2011-09-04T02:09:00.001+08:00

i wish i could tell you this.
i hate you. for making me think of you all the time, just by doing nothing.
i expected more from you. like what we had before. but it feels like everything is gone.
am i still special to you?
different country, different feelings?
i think we're better off as what we were before new york. friends. friends with benefits.
because i need love. and you aren't giving me that.
i hardly ever spend anytime with you. although i do see you almost everyday.
when i'm in sight of you, my heart skips a beat. does yours? please tell me it does.
because i don't want to waste my love on you anymore.

2011-08-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

and so i'm back.
not single. but i feel like i still am.
why the distance?
because we aren't anonymous in this city anymore.

2011-05-23T13:48:00.000+08:00

i need a new travelling partner. this one's too quiet. and a cynic. and boring.
it's so sad that he can climb, because that's a really big factor for travelling partners.

2011-05-18T07:25:00.000+08:00

i'm tired. and i don't know why.
i've still got to
1) upload photos (guilin + hockey MGMs + new york)
2) research for places to go during my break
3) research for which part of US to travel
4) skype friends
5) diary entry
6) cook dinner
7) bathe

but i just want to sleep. maybe it's the "depressing new york" mood.

2011-05-14T01:35:00.000+08:00

so here i am, sitting on an airport couch at 1.30am in the morning.
I'm transiting to JFK from Taoyuan International Airport, and still got another 7 hours to go till the next flight. we already killed 10 of it.
where am i going? to NEW YORK! for 3 months (work and travel program). woohoo!
my travelling companion? daryl - fellow climber/socsci student/namastee
employer? Nathan's Famous (Coney Island)

so, basically, the 17 hours of transit was a blessing, as i got to see and experience the famous Shilin Night Market and Xi Men Ding (harajuku of Taiwan), and eat fabulous food (despite the rain).

here's the start of my journey, i just hope i can continue it with such a happy note.

2011-05-04T19:53:00.001+08:00

i'm back from Krabi - a SMU rock climbing trip, and here I am obsessing over BAGS :D

Presenting the potential candidates:

1. Gregory Tarne 36 Backpack

2. Gregory Serrac 45 Backpack

3. Gregory Inyo 35 Backpack - Women's

4. The North Face Base Camp Duffel Bag

5. The North Face Flyweight Duffel Bag

6. The North Face Flyweight Rucksack Travel Pack

7. Gregory Jade 40 Backpack

sweet stuff ain't it. can't wait to get them in the US man.

2011-03-30T13:09:00.000+08:00

it just occurred to me that between the hiatus of 11 months on my blog, i missed out mentioning two very significant points in my life.

1. I'm in SMU(Singapore Management University)
2. I'm climbing.

why is it so important for me to declare these as part of me?
I do strongly believe that my time in SMU (not even a full year yet), has changed me in little ways, and will most probably affect most of my future life choices and directions. Also, they are right now, the loves of my life. especially climbing. just like gymnastics, I'll regret not ever being part of the sport.

Some (like my dad) ask, "what's so fun about climbing?" People may just think we climb up the wall full of tiles, come down, and go up again. If you think that's all to climbing, think again and read on.

We climb plastic holds on the wall, yes. But one needs to figure out where to put one's hands and legs, in what position, in what sequence? It's challenging having to figure out a puzzle before one pounces on the wall. And then there's the adrenaline rush when you're climbing. Can I reach for the next hold? Can I hold on to that shitty tile? If I put my leg there, can I jump for the tile? Can I finish the problem? And then you listen to your surroundings. Have you got people shouting and encouraging you from behind? Cheering you on. Going "awww" when you missed the tile and fell on to the soft mattress below. They feel your excitement for you, and you feel theirs, to carry on climbing. It's dependent on each other. Climbing is an individual sport? Don't ever say that again, because it's definitely a team sport, it's just up to you to decide how big you want your team to be.

2011-03-14T09:29:00.000+08:00

Ranting is apparently part of my nature. I need a place to just let out my thought, no matter how random they are. But as I am, I rarely will be able to commit myself to something for a long period of time, let alone on a regular basis. And thus, I'm back here, because I don't want to start a new page when I know i'll abandon it someday.

Today's rant is a self-reflection. On why am I'm so tired all the time.

The simplest reason being: I am too busy.

Why am I too busy? Because I take on too many things.

Why do I take on too many things? Because I am interested in these things and want to do them.

Why am I interested in so many things? Because they interest me.

.....

I think everyone who knows me, has heard about the number of commitments I have, and most likely I'm a limiting factor to the scheduling of many gatherings and meetings. I want to work, I have school, I want to play hockey, I want to continue with gymnastics(and perhaps hold on to a past that I gave up), I want to experience the world. I guess with so many commitments, it's unlikely that I'll ever commit my time fully and wholly to a certain project or commitment, which I find a saddening part of my life.

2010-04-20T14:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, what the heck. I have, finally decided to "sort of " abandon this blog. *heart pain*

Well, I have had thoughts of blogging during the past two months, but my fingers got lazy. And perhaps my mind as well. The thought of sitting in the chair typing out regresses of my pathetic life was a little...demoralizing I guess. Laziness just took over. Besides. I doubt that there's any soul out there who would bother keeping track of my pathetically boring life, evidence as seen on the tagboard. So yes, I have decided against boring any future passing readers with a life story considered only as background music, against all the sentimental value I hold for this dear, white page. Consider it a clean-up of my life, like as how a company streamlines to increase efficiency.

But on the other hand, I shall open up a new flog - Not a food blog, but I'd rather describe it as a food log, of the things I bake, and lists of favourite places to eat and such. Ironic, I know after all that droning in the previous paragraph. That shall be my project in the making, (perhaps inspired by Julie and Julia, I don't know) but at least it'll keep my baking in check.

Sayonara people. I'll post up the link to my flog..when I get around to getting started on it.

Food for Thought @ 8Q SAM

2010-02-27T00:40:00.000+08:00

one week to go before my life changes. or not.
but i should update my life a little shouldn't i?
like this blog, my life's been stuck in the past because i've been so comfortable with its layout and convenience that I rarely bothered to make any major changes to it.

let's hope i'll get started. someday.

2010-02-22T00:54:00.003+08:00

厄年（やくどし）
Unlucky Age

With yakudoshi (unlucky age), there is a great risk of encountering misfortune or spoiling one’s health, so it is the age when one must be careful. Theyakudoshi age is determined by adding one year to the actual age, which occurs for men at 25, 42 and 60, and for women at 19 and 33. The ages of 42 for men and 33 for women are considered to be particularly bad years, and are called "great calamity". This may be just a superstition, but because there have been many occasions when these ages have actually corresponded with turning points in people’s health or jobs, many people of those ages go to Shinto shrines for exorcism.
- Bunka Language School website

oh wells.

2010-02-18T22:24:00.002+08:00

Ah. Pretty Red Ribbon cake on Foodbuzz. Just fell in love with it once i saw it. The ultimate layering in red velvet cakes <3

2010-02-17T23:01:00.001+08:00

At the rate i'm blogging, i think my blog can be titled with the status ' INACTIVE '

up till now i haven't had the time (or more like i'm just too lazy to make the effort) to blog.

Continued from the last post, the events that have occured since:

1. Ochre dinner where vinnie, suen and I went to visit Liu,

2. Sheena's esplanade performance ( go to Sheena Hong FANCLUB (: on facebook for details)

3. My last elementary 1 nihongo no ressun and how I passed the tesuto.

4. Chinese New Year - Reunion dinner, almost non-existent valentine's day, first day of visiting, Provence company CNY dinner with B&J supper after at Dempsey.

Salami Pizza @ OChre ($18) ; San Pellegrino (sparkling water - $7)

Grilled Fish ($23) - and this dish has a story that goes with it!

Braised Chicken ($18)

Cuore Mobido [Choc Lava Cake]($12)

Mille Foglie [pastry with pistachio custard filling] ($12)

the only shot we could sneak with Liu on the 'Roof', and i think our eyes all popped after paying for the bill, hance look like this.

vinnie and the metal man.

Sheena nana! and Amos on the guitar.

Chocolate initiated gang-fight?

Chicken franks. really troublesome things.

rocker chicks!

Vivo outlet <3 [CNY dinner]

Pictures have thus completed my 1000-word plus blogpost.

2010-02-11T00:28:00.002+08:00

i've had two nights of great fun, but i'm tired enough to fall asleep before even being able to upload photos and videos; let alone type this.
- OChre dinner
- Sheena's performance

2010-01-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

Loves geog. Loves the Geog class. Loves Tea Party and loves taboo.
Had such a great time tonight, with tons of laughter that I couldn't have had for weeks. MISS YOU GUYS TOO MUCH, and it's making me miss NJ!

2010-01-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

work.
The syndrome has hit me again, the one where I get bored of things really fast and want to move on to the next thing. It's been exactly a month, if i count the first day as training. I've settled down, taken on more roles, have tried new methods, but still am rushing against the clock everyday. Overtime is a lesser occurance to me now, that means I go home earlier, and lesser pay. Still, I feel obliged to work at the bakery even though well, I'm just going nowhere, it's been preventing slowing me down from doing many things I've planned to do a long time ago, and the pay is always on the edge of my mind. It's human nature to keep comparing with others, but the passion for baking has been subdued since a few days ago. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it really gets to the point where my mind is constantly on quitting thoughts, meaning that I really don't like my job anymore. My body's probably taking a beating from all the lack of sleep (almost the same as those long-lost school days), hockey and little rest time there is in between my schedule, but i'm still wishing I had more time for LIFE.

2010-01-20T01:24:00.001+08:00

It's been such a long time since I stank so badly.
And I'm sure to be aching from neck to calf tomorrow.
But it was fun (:

Work wise, I've seen a new person come in, and is leaving already. Yes, it's a repetitive job, and I guess for one who is trained in the wider arts of pastry, this job is like an A level student doing PSLE. Anyway, my job, really is all about multi-tasking. AT A SUPER LEVEL. You've gotta put bread in and out of the oven to bake, note the time for bread proofing in the oven, anticipate which breads are going to run out in 2 hours time and do it ahead, and KEEP COUNT. Yes, that's a pain in the ass, the counting. Slows everything down, but I guess we've gotta keep track. Yes, multi-tasking and time management, plus doing things as fast as possible without burning or over-proofing any breads, cutting inconsistently, knocking things over, or burning yourself. That's my job. And I just worked 2 consecutive 12-hour shift days[about there] on nichiyoobi to getsuyoobi. Subarashi ne? Tsukareta e.

I've had two dreams the last week. Which I managed to remember because I typed them down on my phone when I woke up. But I won't go into detail [tsukareta karadesu]. One took place in America-San Francisco, where me and my family were stuck in some building amid a hurricane storm that trapped us in. And the other, was about ant infestations, and Val's golden retrievers - Coco and Angel with some other mutt, chasing me somewhere.

2010-01-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I last felt like this.
Lonely. Helpless.
I can't believe I forgot about dinner tonight. Yes, there was the stupid stomachache thanks to the cold milk I drank in the afternoon, but that's still no reason to forget meeting my precious teammates right. Sigh. Just hearing them through the phone made me regret how much fun I could have with them and how much I actually miss my the team (yes, those in question reading this, that's how much I miss you guys to declare it out loud!) Coming home alone to an empty house while I knew I could have been out having fun just caused my mood to plummet a little further. Perhaps this is what it'll be like when I move out (or go overseas) and start living alone. Really lonely it is.

Helpless, because no matter how hard we wish for the situation to get better, nj hockey is in its pits. I really hate saying it out loud, but it seriously puts me in such a depressed mood just thinking about it. Thanks to my awesome job with awesome working hours, I can't go back to help them at all, if there's even anything at all I can help with to get them out of those dire straits. As a previous captain with an attachment to nj hockey for 4 years, it hurts to watch like a captain of a sinking ship. I can only pray for a miracle in hockey enrollment numbers for this year's J1s now, because only that can save the hockey future.

I really don't wish to regret my decision to take up my current job as a baker, but sometimes it's really trying to compare my passion for baking(and the current job scope is still a little off from what I really want to do) against the long hours, labour intensive, less than average pay which robs me of much of my time to pursue other things. I still want to carry on with my jap classes, need time to study for each lesson, go for hockey trainings, participate in u21 tournaments, go out with my friends till late, take driving lessons, pack my room...and the list goes on. But it's almost impossible to carry out all these with 1 and a half days of free time a week, since i'm just too tired at the end of each day to do anything else. Again, I'm not good with disappointing other people, especially when they've become such good friends of mine. It's really determination from here on.

-------------------------------------------------
I had such a weird dream last night. But due to my short-term memory, I can't recall it. I remembered it in the morning, but to retain it till now, is almost an impossible task. I just know that it was pretty intriguing.

Ah yes, now before I forget, to pen down my memories of last tuesday night [5/1/10]. The post-A levels 6C reunion gathering. Andrew, Liak aka John, Wei Hong, Christopher, Zestin, Matthew and all of WISHES turned up. Four others we were expecting didn't turn up due to various reasons, but it was interesting enough to see some people again. Dinner was at The Pit, an open air restaurant cum pub cum cafe just below 2am:dessertbar in the corner of Holland Village. Food I have to saw was good, and of pretty big portions, so it was pretty worth the price. The girls shared a full slab of Baby Back Ribs, Chish and Fips (Fish and Chips), and Hot Wings, while the guys went for the huge burgers and beers. It was mostly exchanges of stories of our lives, and pleasant conversation, but there was a little sadness 'I would say, because we all didn't want the night to end. Nikki was leaving for America the next day for who knows till when. Dessert was at the Daily scoop, the branch at Chip Bee Gardens. It was closing already, so I couldn't have my waffles, but the staff were nice enough to let us have ice cream and sit about till about 10.45pm (when its supposed to close at 10pm). After ice-cream, a few of us started leaving for home, while we had a plan to chill a little at starbucks, but that didn't happen. Dickson turned up, some others left, and then, they adjourned to Andrew's house, again. No, sadly I didn't go cause my parents were already on the way to pick me, and so I was left alone at Hollang V, and missing out all the extra catching up, thanks to work the next day again.

NIKKI I MISS YOU!!

I am afraid. Of what's to come in a little less than two months time.

2010-01-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

I'm really tired. But i still feel the need to type out my thoughts, because I don't think I'll have the chance to do so anytime soon again.

Thursday was a bad day.
Friday was japanese-y.
Saturday was long and tiring.
Sunday was, finally normal.

I just made lasagna. For a monday lunch feast in the workplace (:
I burnt close to a hundred pieces of bread (they were just overbrown, but had to be thrown away), due to my short term memory; had to do overtime for close to two hours because a baker didn't show up and I had to cut and roll out wassants practically alone (till kind rachel came and help, and shaun too); and because of overtime, I couldn't go to bukit batok driving centre to enroll for driving theory test - hence the bad day.[there was more events I believe, but can't remember the less significant ones.]

I had a half day on friday as I had jap class. hooray. But I didn't get to eat lunch before the class, due to my own mismanagement. Takeyama sensei went really fast during the ressun [lesson], so I could barely absorb what she was teaching. Had lunner at McCafe with XM and Trudy, while trying to revise the ressun.

I went for crescent hockey training on saturday, hence my muscle aches and the cause of my tiredness. Still had to work OT, this time even with the extra baker around, was because we didn't follow the schedule. Long-day-Saturday it was. Oh yes, most importantly, was lunch. Had lunch with Kris, at Crystal Jade. We weren't hungry, and wanted dimsum. Yes, so we ate Crystal Jade during our hour lunch break, and us not knowing it was the expensive branch, walked in the restaurant in jeans and t-shirts. haha! And, the next table was interesting throughout lunch, with two metro guys amusing us with their conversation about brazilian waxing and free haircuts, among other topics. We couldn't stop laughing at them, while trying to eat 'little dragon buns' and exclaiming how wonderful they tasted just to hide our laughter XD

Sunday. Went well, with no mishaps, thankfully. And I managed to leave almost on time! Had dinner with Rachel, Shaun and Kris at the hawker centre, and had a lovely chat about people at work (yes, it may be rude, but amusing).

I'm also home alone. Again.

2010-01-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

i'm supposed to be running now. I mean, supposed to have ran just now. But instead i'm just here blogging, like a lazy ass. I even set my alarm to wake up early to go run, but my body knowing that it's my off day, decided to ignore it and sleep on till 10.30am. I thought, maybe I still could go run. But no, the Sun started blasting itself at full power on the Earth. So much for keeping up fitness for u21 that's starting soon. I mean, since my day offs are the only days I can run. or even play hockey.

My work life is my life now. Mostly. Waking up every morning, putting on a pair of jeans and a random shirt, then off to work. I like my work, despite it being mostly routine baking. I guess I find solace in doing things that I am familiar with? I'm just hoping right now that standing for 9 hours a day is helping me keep my fitness up. haha. Besides jap classes (which are starting in 3 hourstime (: ) and uh, trying to squeeze in some hockey matches, there's been little space left at night for dinner with people. Managed to drop by val's on sat for a supposed sleepover, had a great dinner, played Wii DDR watched the first ten minutes of He's just not that into you before I had to go, since there's work in the morning. Sigh.

For my 2010 year so far [though it's only 5 days], I've got one complaint already- WE'RE PAYING ADULT FARE, as of 1st jan 2010. Grr. my 39 cents MRT trip for two stops is now 95 cents. That's about two bucks a day for travelling to and fro work :/ I see my income being rapidly drained away from me. Perhaps, that's one of the things I took for granted as a student.

Class reunion of 6C'03 tonight. woots! It's gonna be interesting (:

UGH. enough already.

2010-01-03T21:23:00.001+08:00

i'm just too tired and grouchy to blog now :/

2010-01-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

For eighteen years, I start my new year in front of the TV. This year was no exception. At least I was clean as just I stepped out of the bath, it was at 3.....2.....1....HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yes.
happy 2010 people!
good bye to 2009, a year of change for me. to forget past worries and troubles, to count my blessings, and uh, look towards the future?

Yep, and I'm working tomorrow. So good nights. Hope I don't burn a finger again at work.

2009-12-30T01:05:00.000+08:00

sharon: thanks (: we need to have a meal soon! on one of my off-days ok!

nush: haha, why only next year? you probably won't see me unless you peer into the kitchen or shout from in front of the counter for me. and WE STILL HAVE OUT GEOG SLEEPOVER UNPLANNED!

suenli: Haha! that's mostly what I've been making the so far! but, sad to say the bread isn't mine, I only make it pretty and edible and look like bread. haha.

I should be sleeping now. I want to sleep. But I thought I should at least update people about my baking life so far since everyone's so interested in it(: I've only managed to blog about it today, after 4 days of work, as it really is tiring, and well, i've been out a lot. Plus, I've got an off day tomorrow [which is going to be spent with my mom shopping in JB. tiring...], so I can afford to sleep later a little.

I've mostly been cutting wassants[the most popular item from provence], rolling hundreds a day, probably up to a thousand a day soon. As I said it's rather tiring, since I've gotta stand for about 8 hours straight a day (excluding luch break), so my knees started to ache, and so does my back and shoulders at the end of the day. But despite that, I guess I still like the job, not just because I get to bake, but the people working there are all real nice too! Somehow, most of the staff are my age, like Angela, Livia, Rui Qi, Win, and probably Zahana, and then there's the younger Shaun, and probably 30s, my supervisor and the other baker. So I've been getting along with them quite well, and losing the shyness. Vincent, the other baker, is quiet. rarely talks unless he has to, but speaks chinese. Hence, I gotta speak to him in chinese, my almost non-existent chinese. Plus, he's a little negative, I guess due to the pent up exhaustion he has been under for working without days of and rest [really pity him as he was the sole baker before I arrived, and had to do EVERYTHING by himself.]

I guess I could say I'm pretty excited to work on thursday, especially since kris is working there with me too now!

2009-12-25T17:33:00.002+08:00

I feel a little dumb. haha. was trying to call the S'ore Discovery Centre to check if they were open today, cause my mom wants to go watch Avatar in 3D, but I always couldn't get through. AND, so I went to check the site again, and it was because I was calling the fax number instead.

well, it's Christmas Eve, I'm blogging at home, unemployed, with no plans for the day besides going to watch Avatar in 3D with my family later today. It feels so weird to just have time to sit at home and slack. Or rather, have nothing to do. I was supposed to have plans to go for a job training this afternoon, but decided I didn't want to take this job up.

The job ad for 'Project Assistant' got my hopes up early last week, and so I applied. I wasn't provided with much information, even the company's name, and was called to go for an interview at Eunos. Hmm. But I went anyway, didn't think much about it at first. But alas! I felt a little cheated after, because rather than a job interview, it was more like a sales pitch to join the company instead. It's a Sales and Marketing firm as they call it, and uses network marketing strategies, which online, more known as Multi-level Marketing(MLM) firms. Such pushy and exploitive sales tactics, I don't want to be part of it. So back to square one at finding a job that can accommodate my jap classes in jan, and hockey trainings with crescent.

As for my social life the past week, it's been varied. From ice skating with Trud, Tabs and Jill (plus getting two huge purple bruises on my knees which everyone has to ask about), to hockey outing with the NJ team at swensons, to my aunt's wedding lunch at my grandmother's place (and we didn't even get to see the bride on the wedding day).
-24th Dec '09
-------
Another day later, and it's Christmas.In a little more than 24 hours, I'm still not done with this post, and more importantly i'm not unemployed anymore (: Ok, the pay isn't very good, but it's at least something I'm interested in. Being a baker at Petit Provence, Vivocity outlet, you'll see me there starting tomorrow! Well, it changes a lot of things for me, such as not being able to go down for hockey trainings unless I get day offs on those days, which I have already reserved Tues and Fridays for Jap classes. Wish me luck!

Continuing from above, I have watched Avatar in 3D, and I would have LOVED the movie, if not for the 3D effects. Not saying that the effects made the movie bad, and the effects were nothing much anyway, but the problem was that I got motion sickness halfway through the movie. ugh. It brought me back to when I had seasickness in the open seas during YLTC or OBS, I can't remember which. Felt like puking, but didn't. But still, I loved the graphics and plot of the whole story. It just makes me want to be a Na'Vi too, having all that freedom in the forest with such beautiful sights.
-------
Rewinding backwards a little, I have to say that this week, was the first time I was ever stressed about baking. Worrying whether there was enough time to finish baking everything, whether there was enough ingredients, whether the stuffs are fully cooked. Even made me miss lunch because there wasn't time to cook lunch. But all went well enough in the end I guess, with them all coming to the house to collect the stuff, while I delivered the last order to a friend's place later at night. Let's allocate more time to bake 20 brownie cups, 37 cookie mans and 28 cupcakes, which definitely needs me to start earlier than 9.30am in the morning to finish by 6pm.

More baking was done the sunday before for the Crescent Hockey Carnival. Baked 90 muffins, excluding the first dozen that wasn't sellable. But more importantly was the event itself. I was put in charge of selling the food, with puisheen, don and sakinah helping me. There was a little trouble selling a third of the muffins in the end, but I guess it couldn't be helped. And then I got informed that i'll be 'running the show' next year according to Nordin. It kinda put some pressure on. I mean, it feels as if coach still sees me as a captain, which I guess I am a little surprised, but glad in a way that he acknowledges me, since I left the team to come to NJ. That really made me think that day, about what I really feel about joining NJIP. I always told people that I came only because I didn't want to do my O levels, and didn't miss crescent much after the first few months. My biggest regret however, still is the fact that I left my team, when I was the captain. It felt like I disappointed them, and for once, I didn't follow up on my responsibilities. But I am happy for the reason that I still feel like part of the team, albeit a little more detached as compared to the 15 of them who went through B div together. WELL, always look towards the future and not regress yea? And so, bring on the challenge next year!
------
Lastly, I was gonna talk about the one-night trip up to Malacca with my family, but I kinda lost my train of thought on that matter already. Besides my brother doing most of the driving, while I sat in the passenger seat, and my parents in the rear seats (what a funny arrangement you might think), I thought it was a rather uneventful trip. It being one of the unhealthiest days of my recent life (we ate Mary Brown's fried chicken on the first night, next day lunch was melaka hawker food at Newton Food centre, haha!, and dinner was Cze char in Singapore.), and the day I killed the most brain cells with my constant sneezing from sinus, I bought a new pair of black jeans and 3 new t-shirts. I really ought to update my wardrobe with different things now :/

And yes, my brother got into OCS. Congratulations. Why am I not surprised?

2009-12-19T00:08:00.001+08:00

back from malacca.
STB assessment centre over
observed many things within my family on this short trip
brother-OCS
technology embracement

shall explain in detail another day

2009-12-13T02:00:00.000+08:00

I should just give up on going to a UK university. It was just an aspiration i suppose. Just another option to not stay in Singapore. [Not that I hate my home country or anything, I just want to see the world.]

It was an eventful morning today [or make that yesterday]. Ms Shawna Lim's wedding!
Congratulations Ms Lim & Mr Daniel Hew[i'm not sure if i got the name right:/ ]
A happy day it was supposed to be, but it didn't start too well with me, from outfit, to the mysterious case of the missing ez-link card, to my frustrations with public transport. But those issues aren't the focus of the post, so I shan't go into details and whine.
It seems rude of me, but somehow, I kept comparing the service to Ms Tay's wedding earlier this year. Perhaps it was because it was the only other teacher's church wedding I've attended, and my lack of experiences in church weddings anyway. Held at Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church, it was my first time stepping into a Chinese church, and listening to the ceremony in chinese. I did feel a little out of place, with me almost effectively monolingual right now. There were translations, and I still could understand what the pastor was saying, but the weirdest thing was hearing my english-speaking econs teacher speak in dialect. No, I didn't hear her speak chinese, because, even cuter, was that the husband said his vows and spoke to the audience in chinese, while she did likewise and replied, in english. Haha. She was really pretty and demure looking in her dress, but once she started speaking, it was totally back to Ms Econs teacher as we know her; straight, direct to the point, speed-talking! haha! The few of us, her students, managed to get a picture with her after the lunch, before we left. Sigh, what a sweet day it was supposed to be.

*ranthotsunwalkinginheelswithoutezlinkcardrant*

2009-12-11T01:33:00.001+08:00

hello! it's been a while now.
and GRADUATION NIGHT is over!!
oh yes, i've been busy busy, baking, shopping, slacking. fretting.
A little more than a week has passed since the last post, and since then, some things have changed. like, how i'm OFFICIALLY FREE FROM A LEVELS, SATs are done!, and so is grad night, and bakesale is underway!

Warning: Exteremely long, draggy post ahead. Do not read when short on time, only when you are terribly free and bored with your own life and is interested in mine, read at your own risk.

it took me this long to type this post due to me being lazy to type out an ultra long post complete with pictures, plus my typing speed has been reduced dramatically from typing inactivity. Now, to facilitate my memory bank, we shall go in chronological order, starting from

30st Nov, Monday.
With only one paper to go, the hockey girls went down to CCAB early in the morning to join the juniors' training (we were still late anyway...) george was around, so we hit around by ourselves on half the pitch, did passes, the juniors did their own drills with george. played a mini 3v3 game with the juniors, on like 1/8th the pitch? sighs. what terrible waste of pitch. SAJC had booked the pitch after us, so george couldn't drag, hence we girls went for lunch at adam food centre after.
After much delaying, I followed vinnie to school to mug for bio MCQ in the canteen while she had consult with a teacher. I did only one paper in that uh, 4-5 hours I was sitting there? Mostly attempting to sleep. Didn't even touch the hugeass SATs book i borrowed from matt's friend and dragged around (for a few days too, thinking i would open it.) Went home before the sidegate closed, feeling so underproductive. But it's just Bio MCQ right?

1st Dec, Tuesday

I decided to go down for training in school again this time, as an excuse to stay in school to mug and make up for the previous day. Since George wasn't going to be around, it was another incentive. Derek and Felix came along too, and after that hot hot training under the sun(which i got a mild sunburn from -_-), we had Cai Fan for lunch! yum. Talked in the canteen while it rained, so the guys couldn't go home, and when it did stop, I went up to the library to join the library gang to mug. It was a revelation that day - SH1s have compulsory study sessions in the library ( i believe they're basketballers). But other than library gang (H3 econs people), bio people (me and gwen), and basketballers, there weren't anyone else again. Bottomline, unproductive again. did another paper, slept, and went home early.

Met the Crescent Hookers for dinner at Spageddies (O. Central )! Had a nice dinner, nice chat with everyone at Starbucks, before I had to leave cause my parents insisted on picking me up (and then reprimanding me for going out before exams are over -_-

@ Spagheddies!

2nd Dec, Wednesday- one day to Bio MCQ paper

Ariel's sendoff! Went to the airport to say farewell to ariel who's going back to Vietnam. GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH FASHION ADVISOR! Yes, dear ariel's my personal fashion advisor and the coolest fashionista I know! I arrived late (seems to be a habit of mine now), joined the class girls at Popeye's, before helping ariel check in. There were a few problems, but all ironed out before she went in the gate. See you again next year celebrity!

gonna miss you ARIEL!<3

so after she left, we, the class girls, headed to T3 to sightsee a little, while I sat at coffeebean waiting for them as i tried to do Bio. Yes, i know, what a killjoy I am. Went home soon after because I couldn't keep awake. So much for Bio Preparation.

3rd Dec, Thursday - Bio Paper 3 day, day of end of A levels!

The end of A levels was nothing memorable, besides sitting at a table in the hall for an hour and 15 mins. Perhaps because we started going out and relaxing the week before, that when the paper ended, there didn't seem to be this overwhelming sense of relief that I expected to wash over me. So I went out with Vinnie only - to watch New Moon. I wouldn't say I regret watching it, because the purpose of watching a bad movie was to 1) accompany vinnie, 2) so that I don't have to read the book to find out what the hype is about. Why I found the movie bad? 1) the actor (specifically whats-his-name-who-acted-as-cedric-diggory-in-harry-potter) did not make a hot-drop-dead-gorgeous-i-must-fall-in-love-with-you vampire. 2) the plot was seriously unrealistic.I don't get the fall-in-love-to the point of madness of the female lead. 3) uh, actors were too stiff in acting, little variation in emotions and expressions. If I were to rate the movie, I'd give it ONE star- for the beautiful scenery.

I literally dragged vinnie around orchard after that, which i feel terribly guilty for, since she looked pretty tired. I was looking for shoes to match my prom dress, so we moved from Cineleisure (where we caught the movie), to Heeren, to Wisma. That took about 3 hours? It's because of my indecisiveness and terrible feet structure that I took so long (plus there were many shoe outlets with pretty but EXPENSIVE shoes), so I let her off at the MRT, while I went around Ion, then as a last resort, to Fareast Plaza. That's where I found my shoes, after 4 hours of searching. Plain, black pumps, not too uncomfortable, and flexible to wear with almost any outfit. Took a bus to Robinsons, bought my makeup, then headed home, exhausted.

shoes XD

4th Dec, Friday

Even though i was exhausted the day before, I didn't sleep till..5am. Not from insomnia, but K drama. Suen got me hooked onto the Korean drama "You're Beautiful", about a girl cross dressing as her brother in an all-male idol group. It's pretty good, and addictive. I've finished the series since then, and uh, it caused me to get distracted from stuff such as working on my prom dress and baking teresa's cupcakes.

Teresa and Anne came over for lunch, specifically Pre-Prom-Preparation. Basically trying on our dress, make-up, hair and shoes for prom. I was more busy cooking, washing the dishes and trying to hem my dress (a time-efficient alternative to making a brand new dress), think Cinderella and her two step sisters preparing for the ball. There's pictures with teresa to prove the scene. haha. Went well enough, completed teresa's cupcake order before she had to rush home. Anne stayed a little longer, and we continued watching "you're beautiful". HAHA.

teresa's order of vanilla cupcakes.

you're beautiful <3

i love Shin Woo and Jeremy <3 (2 guys on extreme left)

5th Dec, Sat. - SATs.

If you have not realized, I've only mentioned SATs once before in this post. And on this day, I took my first SAT I paper, which I only studied the night before. Haha. I wonder how the results will turn out to be. Woke up early and headed to Starhub Centre to take it, while I knew others were heading to other centres such as St Francis for their own SATs. Coincidentally, Teoh Guan ( 2008 Lignum OGL), was taking the test in the same room as me too! haha.

Went Spotlight at PS after to buy more prom stuff, technically, only ribbons for my heels. but that took me an hour anyway -_-. Did a little grocery shopping before my brother picked me up, then headed home, and spent the rest of the afternoon to finish the K drama mentioned above.

6th Dec. Sun.
Baking Day! For gowri's order of Chocolate Cupcakes with Orange Frosting (which she totally forgot to pick up, haha!), and experimented with some muffins that just failed. Played with my newly bought gum paste to make christmas decorations for my bakesale too! That's about it really. oh, and then had to go for a relative's wedding (i believe the groom's my grandmother's brother's son, which makes him my uncle.) at Holiday Inn Atrium, a five minute walk away from my house. Walked home in my heels. haha.

gowri's cupcake order.

christmas deco!

my family, and my brother's girlfriend, minus my 2nd brother.

7th Dec,Monday - one week later, Grad night!

Morning was a URA talk I signed up for with Trudy, about the URA scholarship and tea session. Delivered cupcakes to gowri before I headed to URA centre early and met up with trudy, matt and edwin. A few more other njcians were there too, like kok wah, kung yin and shirley. Met Jia xi, a henry park gymmer who went to HCI at the talk too! It was pretty interesting, but I my mind was drifting away when it got to touring the exhibits of different places in singapore. It ended an hour later than specified, but the food was good though. Chocolate eclairs and cheesecake <3.

Rushed home right two minutes before anne came over - for Prom prep! slacked around a little, made my clutch, before I cooked lunch again, and teresa arrived. It took us about an hour and a half to prepare, before leaving to go early to the hotel room which jilly booked by cab. Grr...cab fares are seriously expensive nowadays, 13 bucks to get to raffles city from my house, which is only about 10mins away. But include heavy traffic and ERP surcharge..wallet busters the meters are. Due to the rush, me and teresa forgot jewelry, but didn't bother to go back and get them, so we went earring-less. I have to apologise to teresa for not being able to do her hair as she wanted it to, as a bun, but due to my inexperience, it fell out before prom even started ): sorry!

purse: made from "Fruity Pebbles"

Grad night..was much better than I anticipated. I had fun, watching the performances, going around taking pictures, creating memories that will hopefully, last me forever. The food wasn't too bad, but the mango sago was totally disappointing (being a dessert critic here). The MC was great, and that's what makes a great show. I even got to do the Limbo as one of the table games! Super Seniors (parody of the K band Super Juniors Sorry Sorry MV), OST (Oh Xuemin, Sheena, Trudy's band), 06IP dancers were a few of the performances that I really enjoyed. Of course, there was the Best Dressed, and Prom King/Queen, which i felt was totally bogus, since I felt that it was more like a 'sabo' game by friends, and didn't truly reflect the titles. But it did feel good when our efforts didn't go to waste, when NORMAN LEE won MR CONGENIALITY XD "What would you want to change the most?" Reply: "My voice." haha! totally out of context.

Anne! sleepover buddy.

teresa: the camwhore who sleptover.

Mr Congeniality!

06IP01 - graduated!

Post-prom was supposedly at Helipad, on the roof of Central, but I trooped alone to Supperclub to pay a visit to Nanthini, Christie and Jo(SA hockers, who had prom on the same night) with the intention of joining my schoolmates at Helipad later. BUT, just before I left the place, Noo and Chench called me and said that they were coming over in a cab. UH? With Mohammad and Reuben too. So, apparently Helipad was boring enough they decided to join me. Mohammad had contacts that got us in (don't ask how) with the soccer guys, without having to buy the SA post-prom tickets. haha. It was pretty mild at the start when we got in, Loud Music, Not Too Crowded...and then the Dancing Started. Noo wanted to dance so much she dragged us in, and I think I lasted five minutes(pathetic ain't it), before I went out to sit. Mostly beacuse having the Smoke machine right behind me, I couldn't breathe. So my first time at a club, was spent mostly sitting around, waiting for others, observing the scene. The dancefloor got really intense as the crowd grew, and I started seeing a lot more NJ people who migrated over from Helipad. So. It was that boring eh? SA post-prom? became half NJ-post prom. I even got a few pictures taken in the SA post-prom album on facebook. haha. I left after two hours, alone, again (2am), and walked back to the room as technically, I wasn't much into the clubbing scene. No point staying. I saw girls getting so drunk they can't walk, girls vomitting, girls getting rubbed up against guys, and I got worried for a particular friend too. Conclusion is, I don't think i'll be stepping in to a club for recreational purposes anytime soon, it's just not my atmosphere to be in.

Supperclub atmosphere.dancefloor.

8-10th Dec, Tues- Today - Post-prom syndrome.
Teresa and Anne slept over at my house after prom, we reached home about 3am? and just went to sleep after a bath. it's pretty exhausting after a whole night out socialising. Morning came, and teresa woke me up to announce she was going home. Reason: for lunch. haha. anne stayed longer, so I baked her brownies as a farewell present, since I couldn't see her off at the airport the next day (yesterday = 9th). Used the time to experiment with peppermint, in brownies, but I still don't think the flavour's strong enough yet.

Yesterday I had a STB scholarship interview, hence couldn't see anne off. I think it went rather badly, with my brain not functioning well. I was stammering and blundering my way through, that the interviewer even commented "I can see you're smoking your way through this one, and the last one too. haha." ugh. I'm really bad at interviews. Really. I can't seem to think on my feet(or chair), make appropriate, coherent responses that answer the question.Hence the blundering. GRR again. Went home feeling deflated, so I slept, then baked the afternoon away, making teresa's sister's order of the same cupcakes, gingerbread men dough, and cookies. Seems like my mood affects my baking too :/ today was not much different, but lesser. SLACKED. that about describes my day. Facebooked (I seem to be on it 20 hours a day now), and well, typed out this post which took a few hours -_-

So much for making my Post-A-Levels plans, most of which I was itching to start on, but haven't. Why do they always not go according to plan?
I should sign up for driving test. Soon.

oh yes, i wanted to mention two dreams i had, but i really shouldn't elongate this post further. It was about visiting the gym at hpps on a sat morning for training, and buying sugar for my baking.haha.

The future awaits.

2009-11-29T00:17:00.000+08:00

06IP01 class outing @ ECP -28/11/09

before it rained....

heading towards the city!

pouty ariel o'.'o

it seems never ending...

our secret garden.

the gang.

ariel + prata with sausage and mushroom

this was what i thought just now, when i was wet, cold and tired:
"I shouldn't have tries so hard. I wanted to leave my classmates with good memories after these four years together, but inevitably, it never happens how you want it to happen"
on today's 06ip01 class outing at ECP. we met, we cycled, didn't manage to get to marina barrage, it rained, we returned the bikes, we left for town. we were there for only 3 hours.

Ariel, Anne and I went shopping at Raffles City instead to find prom shoes since we didn't want to play LAN. Anne found shoes. I didn't. I sad. Ariel bought a scarf. Ariel is my shopping advisor/ fashion police. We were walking around a shopping mall in beachwear (: We had a great dinner [i had Morning Post Blueberry cereal and half a prata], and we left. good food, good company, we enjoyed ourselves.

but i'm fine now. i know i should have expected it. I just didn't want to believe.

2009-11-28T02:27:00.001+08:00

PAM's BAKE SALE! selling baked goodies - details on facebook event (:

or email me for details (:

2009-11-25T00:07:00.002+08:00

2012 was GREAT. "Engine. Start." HAHA. think that was the best part.

but is it me, or is the movie theaters just getting louder?
i know they want to boast their superior DOLBY sound systems and all, but seriously, we aren't deaf.
I got a headache partway through the movie due to the overwhelming sound effects, and being seated in the 3rd row. Seriously, from comfy enjoyable movie experiences have almost turned into torture instead.

2009-11-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

i finally fell sick.
not that i was looking forward to or wanted to get sick, but it just hit so suddenly when i was getting complacent about not having fallen sick while everyone around me was ill before. Thankfully it wasn't too bad during the Biology paper 3 today, it got worse after I left the class lunch at pizza hut [06ip01 girls' lunch @ bukit timah shopping centre pizza hut after bio paper]. didn't go home straight away as a should have, had to pick up a SATs book from matt (thanks!) and then dropped by fareast plaza for a little shopping. The shopping was fruitful, burning a whole in my bank, and making me realize that I should priortize my needs and wants! [there's just so many things to be bought!!]

And yes, now that bio paper 3's over, i've only got one MCQ paper left! yes. it feels like such an accomplishment! [i dare not regress on what happened the past 2 weeks] Life is starting to get busy, I'm slowly oiling my rusty finger-joints for furious typing, getting the event-planner in me started again. With the barrier called A levels almost down to the ground, i can finally move forward! A dam that bursts it's banks, i've got to ensure there's steel reinforcements in place to allow the flood waters to flow smoothly again.

i do still miss my hair at times.

2009-11-22T22:01:00.001+08:00

i don't know why, but i've been all uppity-up high this weekend. My mind doesn't seem to be able to focus on Bio (thankfully i've managed to squeeze as much as I can into this brain of mine), all i've been thinking about is other than A levels [which isn't even over yet!] Lists and Lists and Lists just keep elongating in my head. To-do, Shopping, Christmas Presents, Prom to-to, Outings....just so many things. Ooo, I'm getting excited already! I think it's from listening to 'Chocolate Love' by SNSD that i'm getting a chocolate high <3

2009-11-19T17:46:00.002+08:00

i love MLIA :)

2009-11-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

it's not gonna be a very nice post to read today, so if you don't want to feel down, don't read it. OH WAIT. EXCEPT FOR THIS PART. THIS YOU MUST READ:
pamela is going on a vegetarian-Mondays diet! join her if you can, cut down on your carbon footprint!
inspired by the talk: Nature is Changing; Copenhagen and Beyond - What does it mean for Asia? - held by NUS LKY School of Public Policy.

now you can stop reading if you wish.

It's only been 3 days since the start of the battle. 5 down. 6 more to go. All I can say is that they all haven't left me with a good feeling at all. I feel like I'm plunging into this pool which I can never surface, and with each paper, I'm sinking deeper. Basically, I'm saying that I don't even have the confidence of passing the paper(s) alone. Not exaggerating here. Besides a serious lack of time management (technically I don't think my problem is termed time management, rather, think slow, write slow.), I also have a lack of exam skills for grouping and organizing information (need i mention a dwindling supply of confidence and positivity?) The aftermath feeling is worse than any other exam I have sat for before, including my common tests which I saw the most number of Us on my paper in my life, which does not bode well for A levels. Some people I depend on have managed to wrestle some negativity away from me, but each time I look back on the papers, a ten-tonne boulder drops deep in my belly. I really, REALLY wish that I can say 'it's finally over!' or 'that was fun!', but my humour and optimism has miraculously drained from me. I have even been hallucinating images of letter Cs [trying to be optimistic here] and worse on a pink slip of paper...daytime-nightmares I tell you!

Getting daily headaches from worrying too much [i believe is the cause] is not a good sign. Please let it end.

2009-11-11T22:00:00.000+08:00

I'm saving this post as a draft so as not to spoil the surprise. (6th November 2009)
A much lighter head, no more swishing, no more excessive use of shampoo, and I gotta start learning how to use wax.
And so....I cut my hair!
well thing is, it's the first time I'm going short. shorter than my IP2 short, which then I still could tie a mini pony tail somewhat then. Now, I can't. But no worries there, I'm getting used to it.
When I left the salon, I was hesistant. Like really. my mind was kinda reeling like 'I LOOK LIKE A BOY!' even though i've prepared myself to go short for at least a week now. Thus it wasn't an impulsive decision (or maybe it was, just a longer term impulsion), and I was surprised at how surprised i was at my own reaction. But now that i'm home, i've played around with it, and starting to like it! It's still a little shorter than what I expected, but nice nontheless. so I've gotta thank Joanne from J Salon at Far east plaza for reassuring me, and the styling. I paid good money for her to help me!
So anyway, I meant to want to have something similar to this...

or this... after much research (i showed the hairdresser these same pictures too),

but the results more like this...(but a little shorter..)

and thus, i'm this!

my souvenior of which i'm gonna send to Locks of Love as a donation,

and say goodbye to this!

a HAIR-raising experience!

2009-11-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

i want to watch astroboy!!! hahah!

2009-11-06T21:44:00.004+08:00

A weight off my shoulders, literally (much more than you travis. definitely.)
Surprise surprise people. See you on Monday. Where it all starts.

2009-11-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

It seems like karma for sleeping late last night and deciding to be lazy to not join denise & co. for the morning run. I've not even reached school yet, and i've counted 5 misfortunes that have befallen me. Since i'm currently stuck in a jam[misfortune number 5], i've got time to detail the other 4. The first two involved buses. Well you see, i normally depend on the what-time-is-the-bus-coming-board to decide if i would walk to the other busstop to have an extra option for my transfer bus instead of waiting for only one bus without walking the extra 500m or so. And thus, when it said 14 minutes, who would wait there when there's the possibility of getting on another bus earlier with a short walk? And so i walked. But that decision led me to miss that bus that was supposedly to take 14 minutes to come, came in less than one minute as i walked AWAY from the busstop. Well fine. Lets just hope the second bus will come soon. It came soon enough, yes it did. It came BEFORE I reached busstop-number-two. And so, that led to misfortune number 3, which was me having to spend 20 very HOT minutes at the busstop which faced the morning sun. The misfortune only felt like one, when I starting perspiring like a pig less than an hour after i took a rare morning bath. Grrr... And now, for the forth m, is a continuation from the first two, as missing the buses, meant that i missed the time i could enter the school through the sidegate. For you non-NJCians, our school gate closes exactly on the dot at 9am, and if you can't enter through the sidegate, you've gotta walk around Hillcrest Villa & RGPS, up the hill, to the maingate to enter the school. And yes i did that.

All that trouble just to come to school to study. 5 more days. And they say i shouldn't count my misfortunes, but my blessings, so i will end it on a positive note. I had true-blue chocolate banana bread for breakfast, which was white bread with nutella spread, with a layer of fresh banana slices in between....Yum:)
- 9am, Nokia N95 Notes.

update: today was really unproductive. GAH.

2009-11-01T23:29:00.001+08:00

one week to go. *freaks*
that's what's really going on inside.

but besides that...
do thou needth a table number three?

really, i think i've got a TREE's worth of paper in my room. and i mean a HUNDRED-YEAR-OLD OAKWOOD.(if that's the type paper is made from..)

and the rest are snippets from my secret study sessions :)

oh and i managed to witness a wedding solemnization ceremony as i was walking home. how romantic for the couple to have it by the river...

submitted. applied. last stretch and I can PLAY!

2009-10-30T02:01:00.001+08:00

Are you mad Pamela Chua?
Yes, I think I am.

2009-10-21T23:40:00.000+08:00

Had another long chat with my eldest brother today.
in a way it was surprising. revealing. i wouldn't bring it all the way to enlightening. but it's good to know what's going on and get a new perspective on things now and then.
in a way, he helped me to focus on my priorities, which is a good thing for the next 20 days of mine. I need all the focus i can get.

full steam ahead!

2009-10-19T14:47:00.002+08:00

it hits me over weekends. where my mind just doesn't seem to function the way i want it to. and i am powerless over it. you may call it a lack of self discipline, but i do know what i have to do. my body just doesn't seem to listen to me to carry out what my mind wants me to do. all the more i'll plunge myself into romantic love stories which probably makes it worse. but hey, better to celebrate a fictional character's love then just stoning time away right.

all i know that is it started on friday. an eventful day, one which could have been much more productive if the unproductive student in me had just given in to the fact that i was past the peak of studying. it just went downhill, and let me ask you, can you get depressed from knowing that you're not studying when you really have to and have no more time to do it? well i think i have. perhaps all that pressure is building up again, and instead of giving me the motivation to study, it's pulling me further away from my goal.

i know i can never say what i really want to say here, and as the title has suggested since the start. it's been a place i rant. ranting the superficial. i type whatever that comes to mind during these episodes, perhaps to mask or distract myself from really looking at what i'm feeling. just before i started this post, i skimmed through the latest entries on member blogs on my reading list on the blogger dashboard, mostly reflections on graduation day.i've been wanting to blog happy things about friday (being the last supposed day of school and all) and the new wonderful experiences that happens when one finally feels that they're moving ahead. but i just lost that feeling to type about it, being lazy and all. I always go perhaps one day i'll find the time to type it out properly, but i know myself. that day will never come if i don't start now.

when you enter a new school, you meet lots of new people. some, you get closer to, some you just ignore just because you don't know them and there's really no need to know them. that's when it started. but three years and nine months down the road, you suddenly are making friends with people you haven't really talked to at all for the past three years and nine months. it's intriguing really. about how you know the end is coming, and you'll try to pull everything closer to you, whatever it is or whoever they are, so as to prevent the feeling of loss. i don't think i've ever felt this sociable, ever. the past month has been a routine of studying mostly, but in between, you forge ties with people whom are going through the same process. something like 'alchoholics anonymous', an example brought up during one of the GP classes. we depend on each other to pull through to the end, feeding of eeach other's energy, motivation, enthusiasm, depression, pressure...everything. oh yes, i'm off topic again.

friday. we came to school, many armed with cameras, i didn't. i armed myself with vanilla frosted cupcakes for teachers and two and a half hours of sleep. there was a 5-course buffet provided by the school, totally fried, and the school instead of leaving us with the feeling of exuberance that we're finally graduating, it was the feeling of pressure and haste- to get all our CIP and CCA records filled up. once i threw that feeling aside, there was the 06IP photo on the field, of which some got a little more sun than they should have, but through it all, it might be worth it for that picture or two that shouts 'remember those times!'. i retreated off to the library to do a little unproductive studying, and convinced myself to miss a session of frisbee cum captain's ball with a huge mass of people who could have probably lifted my spirits. Thus when i was chased out of that depressing haven, i had to wander around and flit from people to people, while waiting to enter the NJC AEP Graduation show. I must say though, kudos to the 15 eighteen(or nineteen or twenty) year old artists who produced amazing works of art. Tedious i would describe them, something i would never have the patience to complete. after a little art appreciation, i had dinner with a group of people i never dined with before. it's a first for a lot of things for me that day. dinner was at CURRYWOK. with lynna, jing min, daniel, eugene k, eugene t, alan, alvyn, zichao, pauline and denise. funny how it was about 3 years ago that this place i had associated with my hockey senior's favourite dinner hang out, and haven't stepped into the premises at all. it's ironic that i'm only coming here to taste that delicious food only when i'm graduating, with a completely different group of people i never imagined myself with. in all, there's still many things in this world that we have yet to experience, so don't assume life and take it for granted.

saturday, DEEPAVALI! my first celebration of the festival of lights, thanks to chenchel! I must say, i haven't had the experience before mot due to my lack of indian friends ( i do have some), but rather my lack of initiative to get invited to one. it's really interesting to take part in something that is out of your own culture. the appeal of it just makes it so much more fascinating. it was to celebrate jillian's 18th too, but we (our class girls) managed to feast on great indian home-made snacks too! i'm glad that i didn't skip out on this. it was a day worth not studying for.

that's all i would conclude over my happy weekend,besides my brother coming home from NS for his first break since he went in less than two weeks ago. he didn't change at all, being that guy lying in front of his computer from dusk to dawn for the whole weekend. But with him gone, the house seems so quiet at night, me being the only child left in the house. makes not much difference if i keep staying out to study though. it's gonna be a quiet holiday once A's are over.

I realized a habit of mine in my language. when i describe events, i tend to avoid using the word 'i', although it's been used a lot in this sentence. somehow there's an aversion to it. 'we' comes out instead, when technically it's only one person's point of view, it's a little weird.perhaps it's my nature to avoid attracting attention to myself, or the need to include myself in a group, to feel like there's people around me. but it does get a little creepy, as if there's more than one of me around, a split personality more like. a two-faced person, i'm not surprised that it's more than just me though.

people who see this. don't take it to heart, try not to comment about it. i wouldn't know how to react to people who react to my rantings other than a thank you or silence.

now, that was so much longer than i anticipated. but i feel much better already :D

2009-10-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

A Whole New World
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

Such a wonderful movie..
although aladdin's smile looks a little spaz.

now, just sharing my wonderful Al funghi dinner.

2009-10-05T18:43:00.000+08:00

Let's just totally ignore that bloody diet I've been on for the past two one week. More veggies, less rice, stick to three meals a day. I just ate cornflakes with banana in yogurt. Gross you say? It probably was, sour, sweet, crispy and gooey. But i don't think i minded it with my brain in a pretty screwed up state right now. Wasn't even thinking when I was trying to make something for myself to eat.

Life's not meaningless just because I failed (S) physical geog, but it does suck like hell. Somehow it feels worse than getting a U for math common tests. I shouldn't feel this bad since I already expected myself to fail, or maybe inside I really didn't THINK i would REALLY fail. Maybe it's because I didn't think i could get such horrible grades for geog, or maybe I just finally felt so bad being one of ms ting's targets.

My other subjects ain't that fantastic either, with a B for GP (i'm happy about that, but can't seem to be happy for it now with that cloud over my head), C for Bio overall (paper 2 was still an E), and E overall for Math (still a U for paper 1 anyway). Let's forget about scholarships and universities for now.

2009-10-03T23:42:00.004+08:00

I am saddened. By the fact that Cashmere Mafia is no longer going to be able to keep me entertained.

Study study. That's my life.

matt: thanks, haha. I'll tell her that one day.

denise: i know you miss me so:) after A's yea! We'll invite the gang so you better polish up your skills!

2009-09-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

what drama.finally something about NJC. not exactly positive, but well as usual, things are seen from a different perspective and blown out of context.

well, this was my view:

" I don't think there's any mean to insult ACS(I) here. Students go to school to learn, and they are: from history. Looking at the context of the activity 'how dictorial regimes should work', isn't the scene which the students are depicting reality? Dictatorial leaders would have their opposing previous rulers killed, and make the opposition suffer. We all know that has happened in the past around the world, and the students are just applying it to classroom learning in a different context, where instead of countries, it is between schools. The use of ACS(I) as the example in their activity was probably just the first school name that popped into their minds, it could have happened to any other school other than ACS(I), with the same scenarios and issues arising anyway. Let's just say that the teacher who posted the photos didn't think of the negative reactions from the public who might look at the pictures and contents from a different perspective."

On to today, finally some mother-daughter bonding in the form of jogging/walking. My mum originally wanted me to run with her at 7am, but i kinda was still asleep, so it shifted to an evening run. We managed to jog all the way to her office area past boat quay, and then stopped at Cavenaugh bridge due to the F1 road blockage (about 2.5k to there).

This wasn't the closest I got to the F1 race though, it was when we walked behind the Asian Civilisations museum, and we walked right beside the (barricaded) road where the cars were driving on. Of course we couldn't see a thing, but the noise was just DEAFENING when it went past. I liked it so much better on TV. But there was that adrenaline rush when you see (or rather hear) something so close to you go so fast. We moved on, made a U-turn towards home. But wanting to buy bread, we ended up grocery shopping at Meidi-ya supermart at Liang Court (after getting a glimpse of Tampopo Deli...surprisingly i wasn't THAT tempted by cake). I spotted an NJ couple buying gelato, but i don't think it'll be nice of me to mention who they were. I've just been seeing them around together a lot lately. And then my mom craved SUBWAY. haha..didn't expect her to, since she already cooked dinner before we left, and so we shared a 6-inch. and then we continued walking home. So, this run-cum-walk with my lasted two and a half hours. Thankfully still shorter than the last time we tried to run.

Next time, I should try to stick to the schedule more...

Oh yes, yesterday was a post-adeline's-birthday celebration! At Settlers' Cafe @ SMU. it was such a laughter-inducing outing (Liu!! how could you miss it!) with Monopoly, Taboo & Ugly Dolls. Four hours just flew by like that. With the right company, a previously thought boring board game can turn very exciting!

More Monopoly?

2009-09-25T00:02:00.001+08:00

i had a glimpse of the new perspective on 'cheap' and 'expensive' today.

2009-09-19T19:59:00.004+08:00

I know i'm used as a buffer. I don't have to like it, but i know i have to do it anyway.

I know you mean well by ensuring there's food all around, but it doesn't mean that we have to eat overly full and waste it. I can't exactly change my diet when your habits don't.

I know you've brought me up to be independent, but you're not allowing me to be, and still think i'm your little girl.

I know you don't want any of us to leave, but we have to someday, just let us go.

I know you brought me up to care for others as you do, but can't i be selfish?

2009-09-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

Life's unexpected.

What meant to be a morning run with my mom down the river to her office, then me running back alone home to bath then leave the house to study, turned out into something else.

We started off running down the river, then it started pouring (the second time now, the rain doesn't seem to like my running schedule). We stopped at Riverside Point, and then my brother had to come around to pick us up, after picking my dad. You see, my dad was supposed to walk down to a place near my mom's office for breakfast (just to make him exercise) but he left later then us, so all three of us were stuck out in the rain in two different places. Haha. My brother had to rush down for Taekwondo in Henry Park, so the plan evolved into us riding with him in the car to hpps, then my dad took over, and we went Ghim Moh Market for breakfast instead. Now, i thought we could finally go home after breakfast, but no, marketing ensued, with the plan of waiting for my brother to finish then we could all go home together. Since we had a little time after marketing before my brother was out, my parents brought me on a drive around Mt Sinai area, to check up on the house that was once theirs (and sold it the year I was born, so i never got to live in a semi-D :/ ) A little more property research of the area, then on to Hpps, where I was pretty glad I managed to visit. Saw Mr Teo (my old gym teacher) training cute little boys who were complaining about the tough training, haha, and the china coach training 3 girls. I jumped on the tramp a little, tried to do my sommersaults in the sponge pit, then left to find my brother. That gave me the opportunity to explore the new wing, the Indoor sports hall. All I could say is, it's interior's rather plain despite the rainbow colours to perk it up. NOW, really, when I thought we could finally go home and carry on with my plan, we had to drop my mom at the office before home. So, my 45 minute run turned into a 3 hour joy ride with my family (in sweaty dri-fit clothes). wow.

and just when i thought i would go out and study, I just finished watching two movie on my laptop consecutively : Make it happen, and Next. Time really does fly....

Man, I really miss those days 6 years ago.

2009-09-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was so tired both mentally and physically just an hour ago, but now, i'm feeling pretty awake.
I wonder why, all I've done in the past hour was basically sign in to MSN, and talk to various people (for once in like, two months probably?)
But I guess it's good to catch up with people now and then, which i really hope to re-establish some of my distant friendships made over the past years. It's so interesting to see how people change, and how people's views about you change.

Today was one exciting day, although there is a little apprehension that I'm behaving as if exams are just over like in my secondary/IP school days. So, after I handed in that once-again-incomplete-script and was released from the gym, I went up to the canteen to uh, finish my breakfast cum lunch. Ended up hanging around with Chenchel and Nush for awhile, before I decided then that I really didn't want to start studying Biology Applications syllabus yet, hence with Chenchel made the decision to crash our beloved Xiang Yin's house.

We stayed for about 2 hours, using the time to spontaneously bake Chocolate Molten cake, recipe gotten from joyofbaking.com through XY's iphone. It came out rather yummy despite the a little overcooked-ness, as well as the wide range of chocolate we used inside. There was Belgium Dark and Milk Chocolate, Toll's baking chocolate bars, and uh, some other milk chocolate XY ate before. Haha. But still...addictive (:

We left to watch a movie at orchard after that, meeting with the weirdest combination of people you can find in NJ going to watch a movie together. REALLY. There were like, 4 different groups of people together, let's see if you can seperate them. (some do overlap.) Samantha Mok, Avril, Xiang Yin, ChenChel, Norman, Li Qiang, Ting Zhi and I. It was my first trip inside Ion Orchard today(while waiting for physics people to be done), and the place just seems huge with me only visiting the four basements! The number and variety of shops available is just outstanding. Some, you don't even know existed, branded goods shops, Sephora.....I just feel like going another time when it's not so crowded.

The movie: The Ugly truth. Which I think the newspapers are ugly for only giving it a one-star rating. It's worth at least 3 stars! There was tons of laughing, sadness and happy endings. Leads are hot and cute, although there was quite a bit of swearing. Jokes are mostly sexual inundations, and Gerard Butler is just growing on me now...I felt that the movie was really good and worth watching, for the points of view of men and women relationships. I think I'm still suffering from the dreamy feelings I get after watching movies. Oh, and if it's a plus, i think there was a rumour that one of us cried during the movie (the breakup was pretty saddening..) Did i mention that we had front-row seats as well?

In the end, all's well ends well, but reached home without dinner ):

2009-09-16T22:37:00.001+08:00

i can't believe i'm looking at the miele guide right now rather than urbanization and globalisation :/

2009-09-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

For Hire:
Freelance Thinker - Will think for money.
Flexible, versatile, innovative, creative, will help your company look at new perspectives!

I was just pondering over after A's events again, and the part-time job that I would look for. I would choose a job that I think I'd enjoy, has flexible working hours, allows me to be creative, and utilizes my strengths. Since I like thinking about things, and am pretty interested in problem solving, I came up with this job scope. It fits into almost ALL industries, be it food and beverage, business, marketing, banking, science and tech, yada yada..A person who is not trained in that industry, would give an alternate perspective to an issue as compared to a person who has been trained to think in a certain way to fit the job. Give the thinker a problem, or just the company's product, and it's the thinker's job to offer new perspectives, ideas, solutions, possible problems and set backs or even strengths that can be improved upon. It's somewhat like brainstorming, outside of the company. I guess in the current world, that's what companies call 'focus groups'. But opponents to my argument would be that companies are already paying their money to top graduates to think for the company, so why would they need to hire a freelance thinker who might give ideas that aren't even feasible and probably simplistic because they aren't trained in the field? That's what I call narrow-minded. Haha.

Well if there are any companies out there who do want to try out the mind of an 18-year-old Singaporean girl, feel free to email her, because her resume's right above (:

2009-09-16T12:36:00.001+08:00

Ironic. That's the closest word i can think of to describe the situation today.
I was perfectly healthy on the day i couldn't do the pure math paper, and thus perfectly healthy to agonize in sorry when i lost about 70% of marks. Compared to just a few hours ago, when i was brimming with confidence to tackle statistics, i had to suffer from a combination of cramps and stomach ache, spending more time worrying about shitting in the chair rather than the math questions. With the agonizing pains coming and going for at least the first two hours of the paper, i didn't finish a paper which for once this year i thought i had a decent chance of passing well and pulling up my currently miserable overall grade for math. Well i wouldn't have finished it either even if i left the hall to relieve myself in the middle of the paper. Let's just hope all turns out well.

And my almost second blunder for the week was that, i thought tomorrow's paper was econs. In the morning. But it,s geog. In the afternoon. Imagine what would happen if i didn't have such great friends talking about whether to study for chemistry or geog tomorrow. Well, chop chop, i've gotta finish human geog by tonight.

Looks like my self-wishing good luck turned into bad luck today.

2009-09-15T22:48:00.001+08:00

Letter to teacher number two:
Dear Teacher(s),
I am writing you this letter in advance to explain the reasons why it is relatively easy to mark my script for this particular exam. And before you jump to conclusions, it's not your overdue teacher's day present to lighten your workload, nor is it a strategy to grab all your consultation slots for the next two weeks.

Firstly, the pages are mostly blank of answers for the simple reason that I do not know the answers. They are clean not because I haven't attempted to answer the questions, but that I do not know how to start answering the questions. Please do not think the worse of me that I did not study for the test, because I know I did, and many of my friends can bear witness to my attempts at it. So 'why', you ask that I am able to leave my paper blank when I did study?

It's because there are more interesting things in the world out there I would rather be doing, which includes observing cooking techniques from a chef in a food court, observing differences in parental interactions with children between Asians and Western families, and letting my brain soak up ideas to be turned into money-making-charity-giving ventures of the future. Plus, the words that I tried very hard to burn into the back of my head, were washed away so easily like the tide over writings in the sand. Probably because I unconsciously foresaw the applicability of my current learning content is about 1%, when I try to help my Kid with his or her primary school homework in the future.

Sincerely yours.

I tried to find my previous before-exam-to-teacher letter, but i couldn't find it in the archives. Instead, I found a rather interesting literary scenario I concocted, which lifted my spirits quite a bit. I should print this out and let my main characters read it again :D

Life:
I think I have officially mastered the Art of Stoning and Wasting Time. I thought I did before, but really, with a tool called Economics notes, it propelled me right into the midst of it. Thankfully that happened after I managed to prepare myself for tomorrow's math paper (which happens to need to be my savior if not i'll just die for math overall). This time my location was Food Junction: Great World City; Kids' Corner. It's quiet most of the time, in isolated corner, looking like a lonesome (bored) student trying to mug. Stayed for 9 hours: 11.30am to 8.30 pm. Breakdown:
Math = 4 hours,
Lunch + dinner = 1 hour
Stoning and doodles = 2 hours
Economics = 1 hour.

I finished two thirds of what I set out to do, which isn't too bad I guess, since I know I'm always over ambitious and thinking that I can complete more than what I can (which has gotten me into trouble more times than not). But i believe my stoning and doodling is not completely counter-productive. It gets me thinking about life, and my future. Ideas. I'll post my narrative on Life's A Road another day when I've got more time to type, and you've got more time to read.

Reflections:
My loss in interest for the subject of Economics.My attention to the subject it like water sliding of a Teflon-covered pan. Actually, let me correct that to water droplets sliding off a Teflon pan. It doesn't stay for more than a few seconds, which is making my life very difficult to pass economics. I've said it before, I've got reasons behind every subject that I'm currently taking, to produce such a queer subject combination. For econs, it was due to my previous drive to do business. Enter the big dangerous, exhilarating world of Business. My focus has shifted since then, so has the interest for the subject. Hence, no interest equals, very little possibility of me staying on task.I should trick myself into liking economics for another new reason. Other than getting good grades [this oft isn't enough].

Musings:
If Crocs came up with a decent looking pair of heels, I think it'll be a hot seller (I'm already assuming that it's comfortable).

Last words before math paper.
Good luck to me. Someone apparently thinks i need to keep more of it for myself than others. So yea, good luck to me.

Nush: haha, too bad you didn't want to enjoy the company of me, Denise, Mr. Muffin, and Mr & Mrs Belgium Waffle (:

2009-09-15T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'm probably torturing myself all this while, pleasurable torture. No, i'm not a masochist, but i think my actions come close to mental torture. Some of you my blame me for torturing you with pictures of food on my blog, but I'm the one who's been scouring through the web looking at professionally-taken pictures of food from great restaurants and amateur ones alike. For a few hours each day, usually after dinner, i'll be checking for updates from my usual source of food blogs, then extending on whatever catches my interest. Sigh, it's both heaven and hell to be able to witness such heavenly food that exist on Earth, to the point where your mouth waters and stomach grumbles just by looking at the photos. It's not exactly a very healthy habit, since i'm going to sleep hungry, very hungry, and very late.

And something REALLY tempting popped up on my rounds:

Posted on DavidLebovitz's blog (some famous food blogger living it up in Paris), it's a holiday of workshops, seminars, food and tips on food blogging, by some of the most famous food photographers, bloggers and stylists. What's more? It's at Club Med.[Think sun, sand, surf, GREAT food, great company] Sigh. Thing is, I wouldn't consider myself a food blogger, and I probably won't be getting serious about it anytime soon (if i want to keep my waistline; and despite the possibility of free meals). I guess it's just the prestige and idea of being in a nice place, with good food and famous people for a period of time that's the attraction.

Today was the ultimate non-productivity i faced in a week. 4 math questions that whole day? That's just what happens when I stay at home, no matter how much I tell myself that I'm going to make the effort and discipline to stay home to study. Remember Pam, it's just IMPOSSIBLE to do so.

And this is why i really can't wait for A's to be over. There's just so many other things that can be done in a short time!

2009-09-14T00:16:00.003+08:00

i can't seem to get enough of blogging these few hours. it's just the prospect of returning to reality is a little daunting.
Anyway, just a little good luck to people taking the Prelims Chemistry Paper in 8 hours' time. I just know that I'm in no position to comment on the subject, except that i'm glad I'm not taking it. there's just no chemistry with me & chemistry.

Photo Roll:

I introduce.....Cafe Pralet

Tiramisu

Grilled Fish with Spaghetti in Lemon Butter Sauce

Introducing...Pam's Bakes.

Meringue with Homemade Grape jelly and Cream Frosting

Apple Trifle Crumble

Vegetated Aglio Olio with Sausages

And here are.....randoms:

I spent about an hour and a half doodling during study time, and created a pattern for the kimono i probably am going to make in the future.

Jillian's stress relievers for us. "Squeeze me PAM!"

I'm considering moving to tumblr, another blog hosting website. The features seem pretty slick and user friendly, except it seems so familiar to twitter though. Ah, and it seems suenn beat me to it at migrating her blog over to tumblr. I'be got nothing much against twitter, except for that it's evident of the social phenomenon - 'herd mentality'. Plus, this blog seems to hold a sentimental value to me, like a photo album into my life progressions. It'll be hard to move on to a new phase, as I'm not a big fan of Change either. It'll take a little bit of time before i move on from here.

Is there an excessive blogging syndrome?

2009-09-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

Craving: to read another one of Judith MacNaught's books or Trudi Canavan's prequel/sequel to Black Magicians' Trilogy. Badly.

2009-09-13T22:02:00.001+08:00

Norman: same standard??
Nush: HI YOU FINALLY TAGGED. i thought it was chocolate souffle!
Denise: HI. glad you amused yourself with my dreams.
Chris: YES. When can we start?

Study session at Starbucks: Tanglin Mall today. I expected to meet Nush, since she did say that she'll be there, but Denise turned up in her place, both of us expecting to find Nush around the corner. But no, she didn't turn up. it was a pretty productive 4 hours i spent there, now that i've acknowledge that math and geog just takes that much time to revise. One hour was spent chatting and laughing with Denise, over belgium waffles and her hazelnut choc-chip muffin (sorry, but i think mine are still nicer :P). Our conversation topics went around friends (or rather a friend), and teachers. It was a really interesting theory, which she thinks isn't appropriate to post here in case the object of discussion happens to pass by and read my blog. it went along the lines of, subject teachers, marriage status, age, and weirdness level. Doesn't seem to apply to the females though. And then threw around the idea of the mass IP video to remember ourselves by. But it wouldn't be possible before A levels, and there's really no point in making it AFTER A's (with all the guys being shipped off to another island, some others flying around the Earth, and no one really wants to go back to NJ when there's not much reason to ain't it.)

Now, i just feel so old. it's really all going to be over soon. Four years of preparation (or maybe 2 months worth) is all going to be over in two month's time. I really can't wait to get compulsory education over with, and then finally get a move on Life.

You know the phrase that goes, once you taste a little of luxury, you can't go back to the simple life? Well, that's how i think my tastebuds evolved. For bread at least. I've probably mentioned before on how i've switched to eating Country loaves and Walnut loaves for breakfast instead of white sliced breads. Now, I've finally reacquainted myself with the taste of Foccacia, and it's just heavenly. I'm craving it all the time now, after that delish breakfast of Apple baked ham (it was on sale at Cold Storage) with lettuce and cheese in Foccacia I made myself this morning. I feel like making my on breads now, it's so much more convenient and inexpensive.

Now that i think about it, the reason i like baking and cooking. It's in my nature, to make things, create things, to use my hands and shape something from the Earth. Cooking and Baking allows me to do just that, projecting my imaginations and ideas into physical forms, pleasuring the senses be it sight, smell or taste. The Beauty of creations make people happy, and that's the emotion the world needs rather badly. Then it extends to almost all crafts and aspects of life. Fashion, music, food, architecture, furniture, dance......it just pleases me to be able to use my hands to create something, even if i may not be good at it at all.

2009-09-12T20:32:00.003+08:00

tonight, i have lost my reason to learn driving. more like the cons overpower the pros. i was so keen just a few months, or even years ago, on the prestige of getting a driver's licence. but now, no more.

1) personal reasons: my dad's driving just annoys me to hell. and my parents want me to learn driving asap so that i can drive them around. with me getting in such a bad mood whenever i'm in the car with my parents (especially with my dad driving), i'd rather not be in the car.

2) my brother has been getting into a few accidents of late (and a few close shaves while i was IN the car), it seem like a really expensive affair. Fines(for driving a van in the wrong lane), scrapes with another taxi, repair costs to car damage, and the nagging from my parents that come together with each event that occurs. it doesn't seem worth it.

3) the cost of learning to drive is really high. opportunity cost is greater, since i don't think driving classes has more benefits than joining a culinary class or language class.

4) There's only one family car. And already three out of five people in my family can drive, so why need another driver? Demand for the car will outweigh the supply.

5)Fear. Of speed. When i'm not in control of it, it's not too bad. But evidence is already showing itself when i'm in the passenger seat and the car's cruising on the road at 70km/h. Relatively, it's not speeding, but at times i feel like it's going TOO fast already. and my brother will go 'it's only 70, still under the speed limit'. Another fear i might add, would be of mistakes. it links to reason number two, when mistakes happen, accidents do too. That's probably why sometimes when the roads are crowded, or at narrow turnings, my mind will go 'isn't the space a little too small??!!/ it's going to scrape!/ what if the car in front starts rolling back?!!' scenarios like that. In short, i need my space. (Maybe that's why since young i was so keen on having the world travel on flying skateboards, in the air, there's so much more room for mistakes to occur without the accidents)

6) I'm a geographer. I am VERY Pro-Earth. We need to consume less, produce less, thus waste less. I think that the world has too many cars and more car producers should just go bankrupt and close down so that car production will be reduced. Cars produce negative externalities such as pollution in the form of carbon monoxide and traffic congestion, which brings down the standard of living of a city. I'm pretty happy with the public transport system we have, the costs of travelling is still MUCH cheaper than owning a car(pay COE, pay ERP, pay fines, all pay money). Plus, not having a car makes you walk. walking is beneficial to your health, both mentally and physically. More times than not, affluence brings more harm than benefit.

it's all in the economics and geography.

next issue.
dinner at Zion Road food centre tonight. I don't think that place has much great food to offer, but it seems as though many people think it's a place with great food. There's only the famous Char Kway Teow stall that i know of, parkings' a menace, plus you've gotta pay to use the toilet. The only thing i like about it, is that it's next to the river.
Back to the point. Many people go there, and tonight i saw two couples(wouldn't exactly call the latter that, but, small details). one graduated NJCian whose name i can't remember but was in council and i suppose his girlfriend, and Mr Kevin Sim (in his Stanford tee) with another guy who looked like a student. Interesting, where you meet different people at different places.

and then i feel the need to reply to tags here, because some people just don't have tagboards anymore. haha.

suenli- i'm giving you interesting stuff to read other than your chem notes, the longer my dream is, the longer the time before you start on your chem ain't it? haha. And like you, i'm much more interested in blogging than my notes. haha.

2009-09-12T08:25:00.000+08:00

i dreamed again.
Of myself getting my hair trimmed, but the style was still left long. I don't know why, but i think i'm partially afraid of cutting my hair because i like it long. But the other part of me wants to be adventurous and snip everything off.hmm. Any good stylists you would recommend to me?

Second dream was that i completed compiling the maldives photos that i was started last year. A long overdue project, which i must ensure myself to complete by the end of this year. No more excuses!

2009-09-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

HI NUSH.
well, i just found out today there's one more additional reader to my blog. everyone, let's HI another one of my ghost blog readers (:

i have been doing my best to study, to the extent of travelling all the way to school to mug in the library, then at the oasis today. finally managed to finish population for geog, and nothing much else. haiz. it's been my (& kris') future cafe that has lately been constantly bugging me. my mind has latched on to this project so tightly that i can't seem to let go of it for a second. ideas for the ideal book cafe just keeps running through my head. the decor, the menu, the themes, the chairs, the wallpapers, the mannequins, the beanbags, the cooking, the serving, the laughing, the spiral stairs....everything! sigh. and i know i won't get to start on it for at least another few years...which is the sad part.

i had another dream this morning. which caused me to wake an hour later than i should have. it was probably because i was looking forward too much to going to school to study that i dreamed about it. somehow i was with this big study group on the way to school, and this 'study group' of mine wasn't NJcians. i had the sense that they were people i met in Pre-U sem. but uh, they weren't them. The next thing i knew, i was either calling ms tay (or she called me), and that the school gate was closing already. So i'm assuming here that we're all running late, and we're in transit to take the second bus to school.(I always have to change buses to get to and from school). So, my conversation with ms tay went along the lines of her telling me the uncle was closing the gate, and me asking her if she could ask the uncle to keep the gate open for another half hour. she said she'll try her best, then an almost accusing question came out: 'do you have to study in that study group/are you studying in school with a study group?' and i said yes. and she hung up. i got the feeling that i should be studying alone, or just not study with this particular group of almost strangers. the bus came almost as soon as i got off the phone, and we all boarded the bus. i sat right at the back of the bus, in the center seat, and there were three other people on my left(which made it seem like a big bus that can hold 7 people in the back row).the guy next to me is also part of my study group. he felt like only an acquaintance, but somehow i felt really comfortable with him. he was cute and charming, but i don't even remember his face (haha..boyfriend of the future?). he knew Andrew..and it took me awhile to realize it was andrew SEOW...the funny guy in my promary school class. Cute guy knew andrew as the DIVER.(which in real life he isn't- or not that i know of, but i accepted it in the dream anyway).and then i whipped out this really cool phone! a white slide phone with touch screen, and A LOT of buttons. i'll draw it out soon, if i can remember the details, but i was really cool. the next thing i surprised myself with was, i shifted onto cute guy's lap as the bus got more crowded, so that someone else could sit down. (in reality, there isn't enough space for such a thing to happen on the bus, ever.) then i was reading my messages on my phone, from some people i'm not sure i knew, and cute guy was helping me figure out my phone. and then second revelation: person whom i didn't know messaged me was actually the cute guy whose lap i was sitting on, and his name is REI. short for Yu Hong Rei or something like that. but the important thing is! not the full name, but REI. that's the name i wanted to give to my future son (: (inspired from a manga : MARS) funny thing. i didn't know his name at the start of the dream, and it gradually unfolded for me to find out..what a nice surprise(: the bus ride ended there, and when we were at the nj sidegate bus stop, some girl went: 'let's go da-bao some dessert/ice kacang!'. and i said no, that we were already late. and i WOKE UP. an hour late. haha.

dear me, i dreamt of being late, only to be late in real life. should have woken up when ms tay called. haha.perhaps then i wouldn't have to walk in through the main gate.

two days of sweet desserts....i shouldn't crave anymore.

2009-09-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

ugh. just when i want to upload my photos because i thought blogger was alright again. UGH.

well i can't say much about productive studying, but singapore idol and naruto on cartoon network was amusing enough. seriously, CN just spoils naruto with the english dubs. they try to add americanised slangs into japanese ART...it just sounds wrong. singapore idol..i thought a few were good, but i think gurmit's unrehearsed hosting and the judges' comments just pale in comparison to other shows. they sound...like they're trying too hard to please the audience at times.

hockey hockey tomorrow!yay!

2009-09-09T01:49:00.003+08:00

3 days. 3 books. one trilogy. The Black Magicians'.

and the day i attempt to start on a more relevant book...it's impossible.

and i just remembered that i've got to get to school in 7 hours time -_-

2009-09-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

i was groaning and groveling, well, that's the closest i can describe my actions after the math paper today. on the verge of tears, my body limp.my voice became hoarse from the incoherent words i threw out from my throat. but lucky they were there to help me forget, or at least mask the torturous feeling of knowing that i'm just going to fail so badly this time. we jogged, we sprinted, we tried yelling our hearts out(as loud as we could go without seeming mad on the track) to remove any poisonous feeling pierced into my body from Math. it helped, with a little dose of hockey, physical exertion is still an effective remedy. sprinkle a little acrobatics on and i'll feel much better. just don't mention the word 'maths paper' for the next week or so to me. i think 'econs paper' and 'geog paper' are in the list of banned words too.

yesterday~
" Study day 2 in cafe pralet. A little boring, but i ordered iced chocolate again. And this time- cake is mango mambo(the name's rather cheesy), but it's quite nice although plain. Reminds me of my favourite mango pudding.

A little interesting but annoying at the same time, was the two people sitting at the table next to me. One i know, a primary school acquaintance, but we haven't acknowledged each other yet. They've been talking for a few hours now, and i've been trying to block them out, but being next to me, it's rather loud. But the topics are rather interesting(don't mean to be eavesdropping), it's uh, public 'good'. So far, i've found out the other person is a psychology student in...NUS i think. There was talk about relationships and compatibility, then universities, and career and courses. The second time i'm hearing that business degrees are a waste of money. Psychology sounds interesting, but a little limited in career choices. Working still sounds the best.haha.

 Physical geog hydro processes is getting really dry, and i've got no choice as i left my gc at home-_-
It forces me to do geog i guess, no matter how much i want/need to do math instead. 
Seafood baked rice. Pretty good, since it's their specialty. It has fresh salad on the side. It,s butter herbed rice with peas and carrots, mushrooms, fish and prawn, topped with a generous amount of mozzarella cheese. Yum. " - 3rd September 2009, 7.30pm

2009-09-03T13:35:00.002+08:00

just came on to report how disastrous the paper that ended 2 hours ago was. well well, 2 hours, 3 essays. can't they just round it up and make it even? 3 hours for 3 essays sounds so much better don't you think? we even get one and a half hours for ONE GP essay!oh wells, so i did 2 essays that took me 2 hours, um, maybe 10 mins of planning, and thus five minutes for my last essay. use your own imagination to think how much i could write (and mind you under PRESSURE) in FIVE minutes.

yep. and then i came straight home to an empty house, intending to cook myself something healthy. i did, and it probably was the healthiest lunch i've had (although not the most delicious). it's uh, aglio olio- spaghetti la caprese- inspired. haha. the guy on tv...david rocco if i'm not wrong, made it look so easy. and so...

Spaghetti with
-sausages
-olive oil
-tomatoes
-broccoli
-celery
-carrots
-lettuce
-garlic
-herbs
-mozzarella
-parmesan
-salt

yep. and uh, some of it was raw. haha. i would post a picture and scare away the veggie haters, but sadly BLOGGER IS STILL SCREWED IN MY BROWSER. yep.

oh right right, and another one! a dream i mean (it's so rare nowadays.) I WAS PLAYING CS - counterstrike! AND I WAS THE PLAYER. like literally in the game, holding a gun, running around trying to avoid getting shot. and uh, somehow i really sucked at the game. (ironic since i came in champion for paintball haha!) apparently i met saket (an old gym acquaintance) and a friend of his who was in the game too..Lehait/Lemait/Hemait or some weird name like that. haha. and so, he tried to lend me his gun (because i was too poor to afford better equipment and thus had sucky guns), and another one of those bazooka missile things i talked about in one of my previous dreams. the thing was, the missile was pink -_-. but yea, i missed the shot, the missile didn't explode, but started inflating. so Saket went over, picked up the inflating missile, attached it to a pail (???!!), and put it back onto his gun. and shot the target (a car). uh..the last part didn't make any sense, but i've got a feeling the dream stems from me reading books with Virtual Reality plots.

and then this morning i saw a lady riding a red Harley Davidson with a black leather jacket! so cool :D

geog time!

2009-09-02T19:51:00.001+08:00

RAWR. this is the umpteenth time that i just want to slap myself silly right now! or rather for being silly. yes, today's two papers down already, so i came home to relax awhile, and in the end ENDED UP READING ANOTHER MANGA AND SQUEALING TO MYSELF. haiz. seriously, manga reading is really an addictive thing. but i just can't help it. the prospect of having to study econs...makes me want to put as much distance away from it as i can...so i avert myself to manga. a much MUCH more pleasurable way to pass time. Faster than a kiss - another shojo manga i'm dying to know the continuation.

From yesterday~
" Rawr. I seriously can't concentrate. It's one day to go and i'm trying to spam bio into my head.

I'm located at cafe pralet, a cafe run in conjunction with a culinary school i've been wanting to take classes from for quite awhile. The atmosphere's good, good music, nice staff and good food. AND IT'S A FIVE MINUTE WALK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. Haha. It,s relatively quiet when it's not lunch hour, so it's much better than ikea with the screaming babies and artic airconditioning. The only downside i can think of is the wonderful array of cakes and pastries they have here, at a rather reasonable price of 3 to 4 bucks.= i'm really gonna get fat studying here.haha.

So far i've ordered a ice chocolate and Pralet- their signature chocolate praline cake. Starting with the drink, it was normal, nothing special. The cake it's like normal praline cake too. A good balance of chocolate mousse and chocolate cake, plus the chocolates isn't overpowering, so you don't really get sick of it fast, unlike some other richer cakes. Now, i just love the service. There's a small cup of warm water that came with the order, and when that finished, she automatically replenished it even though i didn't order anything else. This is what i call good service. The staff is friendly, albeit both sounded filipino, they're so much friendlier than some others. It's like they're just able to cheer you up with a smile:) ok maybe because i'm located near the kitchen door that i smell all the cooking and oil, but it's not too bad that i can't tolerate it, and it's my choice that i'm staying here for hours on ends. 
Did i mention the cafe itself inspires me to hop right into the kitchen and whip up some delish items..i can't wait for december to come :D

Oh and right before i go back to bio, the staff at cotton on was top notch i would say- cheerful, the ultimate at being helpful and outgoing. Haha.

I'm all motivated now:) " - 2.15pm,1st September 2009

2009-08-31T22:00:00.001+08:00

blogger is still screwing with me on my new post page...but no matter. i've got better news than this to blog about.

like today. uh, i wouldn't say it's i-witnessed-a-murder-and-got-kidnapped-then-saved-a-little-girl-whose-mother-was-killed exciting, but to me it's rather insightful. i shall start with the boring bits, such as waking up early, close to the time that i can make it to school for like automatically, say 6.50am..but i went back to sleep anyway. but the surprising thing was, i contemplated starting early to study when i woke up then..hm. well, i headed off the the library (whenever i head there, it's always to RETURN a book..the reading and borrowing are um, a result of going to the library). but this time i managed to control myself! a little at least. i mean i still picked a book up, or two..but i 'finished' one of the romance novels, and part of the 'Ideas Generator' guidebook for businesses, in 2 hours? haha. only possible because after reading a hundred odd pages, i decided to be smart for once and skip to the last chapter..thus tada! i finished the book, and realized it was another virtual reality game plots...now, this is the third literary item that i've read this year about virtual reality, and i really hope it'll be developed soon(well it has to already have been developed, if not how do the authors get the details about VR games from and the inner workings?), or at least released to the public. it'll be so exciting! oh yea, and i managed to cover earthquakes and volcanoes (a little behind schedule i know).

Lunch was at 3pm, i travelled from bukit merah library to anchorage. to satisfy my subway craving. But JUST as i stepped out of the library, it started to drizzle. and the bus that i took, stopped at a bus stop which i had to walk for at least 10 mins unsheltered to anchorage(and the rain by this time was as if under multiple powerful showerheads.) but lucky me, i grabbed the umbrella instinctively as a rushed out of the house. really, did the rain have to wait for me to finally leave the library before it poured? as if it rained specially for me. or maybe BECAUSE i had an umbrella that it decides to rain. there's a pattern i noticed though. for two days in a row...the skies opened up to me as i stepped outdoors. i think it rained..specially ON me.

Subway was good..i finished two cookies as well even though i know i shouldn't have. one was subway's, the other my own. i really prefer homemade cookies now. subway's was just SUGAR OVERLOAD. i resumed, uh..vectors this time. and as usual, time flies for math. i had a little time to skim through a few Economist articles..the one for GP, not econs haha. before letting myself go buy 3 new pairs of shorts from cotton on. NOW, before you comment or think otherwise...these three pairs of shorts are needs, not wants. reasons being...shall be elaborated below.

my dad then came to pick me after my 30min shopping spree, to go for dinner with my mom and her colleagues at the usual amoy street cze char stall. it was mostly auntie Q talking..in dialect, with smatterings of english. i could understand the gist of the conversation, mostly about a banker's life and the internal workings. mostly internal conflicts and uh..scoldings, nervous breakdowns, resignations et cetera..and she put it 'advise for me from the experienced'. and yes..she did comment about me...i looked 'different'. to be more exact when she elaborated.. the two Fs. Fairer and Fatter aka 'put on weight'. yes i knew that unconsciously, but when someone put it out bluntly...it really makes an impact. and yes, here's where i elaborate my need for those shorts. because i can barely fit into my current ones. i can't fit into some already, and even the pants. thus i need new ones, which i predict will at least be in use for the next 6 months. (that's assuming i can fit back into my current ones in the future.) it's only been 3 months! and already people can tell the difference. ugh. my mom did comment at this point: 'Yea, she puts on weight quite fast'. UGH, i really can't wait for the studying to be done to start on my future exercise regime. at least 4 times a week i tell you! i've got no issue with the fairer bit, i mean since i've been cooped up in the library and under shade the past three months, i'll just be weird if i didn't shed the black.

and lastly, a inspirational quote from the Idea Generator:

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Albert Einstein

oh i love Einstein now..

2009-08-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

mmm. i just spent the last hour looking through photos. it really brings all the fond memories rushing back...when times were fun and good.

it was a much needed break from studying....or rather attempted studying. today's productiveness just totally went downhill after the previous post.attempted complex numbers, but failed drastically, hence the time was spent on looking at solutions instead. and then when i tried to move on to firms..my brain just shut down and refused to absorb anything. and that's it?! i can't even believe it myself. that's all i accomplished in 10 hours- finishing off gummies, kinder bueno and wang wang along the way as well. part of the wasted hours were due to the two magazines i bought yesterday, and various compulsive habits of mine. I don't know how many times i must remind myself never to ATTEMPT to stay home and study ever again (if i ever want to be productive).

but i guess a break is always needed, and i'm seeing a pattern of one day break every 6 days. typically the break would include reading, and it's alternating between romance novels and manga. of the past month, it has been pretty consistent, from Something Wonderful [Judith MacNaught), 1/2 Prince, The Food of Love [Anthony Capella], and this week was Kyou koi wo Hajimemasu. it keeps me sane, especially when i've been staying in school till 9pm for the past two weeks to study. can't say that it's the most productive after a full day of lessons, but it's better than nothing.

oh yes, i wanted to talk about the ressurrection of our 06ip01 class blog! thanks to andy, i doubt any of us would have even bothered with it..it's like this thing chucked at the back of your closet which you won't touch until the next spring cleaning. well, nothing much changed except the top picture, and the extensive links, one of which caught my eye.
wearepaperplanes - i'm assuming it's a blog created by juniors, content of which is very interesting, original compositions about nj ip school life. hilarious as hell.

I should go sleep. if not at least attempt a little more at firms. i can't believe there's only two days left.

2009-08-30T12:12:00.003+08:00

" Here i am, stuck at a pavillion beside the singapore river during my once-in-a-blue-moon morning run. Did a 20 min run in my new shoes, and then stopped to seek shelter. Alas, the rain got heavier as i did my stretching. 20mins of run to 1 hour of stretching and some non- commital conditioning exercises. I need to lament on my loss of the flexibility i was so proud of as well.I haven't had my breakfast, and my tummy's starting to protest.

But sitting isolated just watching the rain can be therapeutic...or so how i'd like to think it is. You see some hard core runners drenched running past, and the beauty of the private houses by the river. Oh how much i'd like to live in one of these apartments overlooking the albeit not-so-clean river. I counted the number of floors there were, 40. Next to it is a rather rectangular-ish 9 storey apartment. And next to that is another private development under construction. Imagine, waking up to a rainy sunday morning like this(or sunny if you prefer), making some hot chocolate or juice, then lounging on the balcony overlooking the river. Depending on the weather- rainy or sunny, the time of day- morning or night, the company- with your thoughts or a loved one. Such bliss it would bring.
But blissfulness comes with a price. As always.

But just standing around in the rain while i should be studying is a little disconcerting. The river...despite the increase in volume from the rain, and lesser frictional drag from the smooth sides, the discharge is still rather slow. As compared to surface flow on the pavement, the discharge is much higher due to a steeper gradient and eddies are created by the disruptions to water flow. Now standing between two buildings, the Venturi effect is taking place, with wind being funnelled through a narrow space. Wind velocity is increased with turbulence as the pillars are this time disrupting air flow.

I think i'm being a sitting duck to mosquitoes right now. But i still don't regret not accepting my parent's offer to pick me up from my current location an hour ago when the rain got heavier. I'll grab whatever alone time i can have with nature.

Oh F that asshole who just walked in and lit up. ASSHOLE.

Now's the time for me to seize the chance to run in the rain!" - 10.20am

i've had my morning run, my breakfast, my bath, read Lifestyle, and it's noon. Time to move on to my studies.

and one last thing... THE TIME TRAVELLER'S WIFE IS COMING OUT IN MOVIE THEATERS ON 3RD SEPTEMBER. dang, i so wanna go and watch it....